Girlfriend is stressing me out

[Fishermun]

House is a mess all the time, she spends no time doing things with our daughter, I pay all the bill make breakfast and cook tea every day yet she wont wash the pots or do any house work

What does she do? Does she work?
Who's house is it, both/yours/hers?
What hours do you work?
How old is DD?

Big difference between a 4 week old baby and a 5 year old child.
First time round with a 4 week old things are going to pot and she's sleeping when she can.
5 year old DD in full time school, GF no job and at home all day she should be doing her fair share.

DD is 4years old, its my house, girlfriend doesn't work

Well then she's a waste of space. A serious chat and if no change then tell her to move out.

You need to have a serious chat about what you expect from her regarding the relationship, a job and the property.
I went part time when my children were born, I took on more cleaning, when the children went to full time school I went back to full time work - my partner knew his cleaning would have to increase.
It was discussed, we had a plan.
She can't expect to be at home and do nothing all day. Is DD full days in school? I ask as some schools only offer half days at your DD age.

So what is she doing?

That's quite a dramatic suggestion, considering that she's a stay at home mum to his child.

OP, what would your girlfriend say about this? About the relationship in general?

What does she say about it? I assume you two do communicate?

Any reason you haven't married the mother of your child? Do you feel like it's enough of a privilege that you let her stay in your house caring for the child she gave birth to?

Any reason you have chosen Mumsnet to complain about your "girlfriend" not doing enough washing up?

Some posters have assumed your 4 year old is at school already, but I don't think you've said that, have you?

It’s not just not doing cleaning up .

It doesn’t sound like she does much .

No, the poster is correct! I don’t work but we have five children, one of whom is 11 months old. Our house is immaculate, I play with my children. We are a team. When he’s here he cooks and cleans and he also does all of the night waking with the baby. All money is ‘family money’.

Why should he put up with her lazy arse, just because she’s female?

She must spend some time with your child if she’s at home with her all day.
Anyway, this is not the place to just state thr circumstances without context (what advice are you looking for? Do you want the relationship to continue? Are you worried if you split she will take the child)? You should be addressing these issues with her in a calm, not accusatory way.

Wow, my house certainly wouldn't be immaculate with five kids, or any number of kids!

I think what you say is key - "we are a team", "any money is family money". This poster has said that they're not married and the house is his. God knows how this woman would describe the situation, what her take on it all is, whether she is happy and why. All we know is that a man has come on Mumsnet to call the stay-at-home mother of his child lazy, and I find that inherently suspect.

Also, I'm not sure what is supposed to happen to the child if he kicks out her "lazy" mother? Is the child supposed to go with her somewhere, or is the suggestion that the OP starts paying for a childminder or puts the kid in nursery?

What does she do with your child? Take her to the park, soft play, play dates?

I assumed from the OP's screen name that this is a two-female couple, the OP being the child's biological mother. It would be good to have clarity as it affects possible outcomes, such as the girlfriend possibly moving out.

From the username "Fishermun"? Did you read the last bit as "mum"?

Do you see her all the time and know this for sure? The person going out to work always assumes the other has it easier/ does practically nothing, you might only have a snapshot, housework builds up, kids are demanding, there’s interruptions. Oh and we don’t becoming amazing at housework and cooking the second we get in a relationship/ / have children!

That’s a very lazy answer given they have a DD, and the presumption would be the she would take her DD with her and the OP risks losing contact with her. The presence of the DD changes everything. I think mothers can be oblivious to the dilemma as they generally don’t risk losing their child.

Imagine if the tables were turned and this was a woman talking about her useless boyfriend, and it was customary for the man to have custody in a break-up.

Whats she doing all day? Have you asked her why she doesnt do anything? If child is 4 im guessing they also go to nursery/preschool?

Get wake up make breakfast for me and my daughter well girlfriend sleeps i then drop my daughter at nursery go to work then pick up my daughter on the way home from work make dinner I take a shower then put my daughter in the bath then to bed and I pass out, my girlfriend stays up til around 3 or 4am then comes to bed an nothing gets down in the house our clothes are not washed pots are still dirty on the side, I have to order shopping as I don't really have time to go and when I ask my GF says she's to tired to go and i dont want to say tired from what you do nothing

Get your ducks in a row. Empty the bank account and get ready to LTB!

Ok, so what is she doing up till 4am? Not a good sign regardless, if someone is staying up till 4am on their own at home. Unless they're an astronomer or something.

Iv now no idea what she does with her time, pretty much just sitting on her phone and posting about how great of a mum she is on FB showing off things iv got for our daughter and set up

Are you male or female? Not that it matters but you definitely need to leave the relationship as you're a single parent already. I assume your dd will be starting reception in Sept so there's definitely no need for your gf not to work.

Assuming there's no mh reasons for your gf to be so inactive, I'd be pushing for her to work p/t or end the relationship. She doesn't bring anything meaningful to you or your dd's lives. Just make sure that she doesn't get pregnant again.

What does she do all day when your daughter is at nursery?

What’s the female equivalent of cocklodger? Clitlodger?!

@nautys the gf goes to bed at 4am so probably wakes up after lunch time.

I'm male and yes DD starts in September I sorted all that out pick a great school GF wasnt even interested in coming to see the school or finding out anything about it, iv suggested about her getting a job and she just said workings not for me