He’s gone again and I don’t know what to tell the kids

[BluntMumOfLots85]

I’ve been lurking a while but this is my first post

I don’t even know where to start really

He walked out again this morning. Said he was going to the shop and just didn’t come back. He’s done this before but never on a school day. No message no call. Took his vape and his charger so I know he’s not just nipped out

Youngest has been screaming since lunch and my 11yo is asking me if he’s left again. I don’t know what to say to them

He did the same thing in March and was gone two nights. Said he needed headspace and then came back like nothing happened. I let it go because I had too much else on. I’m doing everything here and he acts like I’m the problem

I’ve got 6 kids and one has extra needs. I’m barely keeping on top of things as it is. He doesn’t even sleep here half the time. Leaves his stuff everywhere then goes all moody if I ask him to help

I don’t have loads of support. My family is not involved and I don’t have mates I can really talk to about this

I feel like I’m going mad. Like I’m the only one seeing this isn’t normal

What would you do? Do I just text him and say not to bother coming back? Or wait and see if he actually turns up?

Sorry for the long post. Just needed to get it out somewhere.

I would be ending the relationship. You're not going to lose anything but stress by ending it.

Does he have mental health problems? Is he the Father to all your children?

Who is he- husband/boyfriend? Are they his kids?
Most importantly, do you own the property?

It sounds like he'd be absolutely zero loss, so enjoy life rid of him.

no hes not the dad to all of them

hes not my husband just my partner been on off for a while now

he’s only dad to 2 of them and barely that tbh

i rent from housing so its mine not his

and no official diagnosis for MH but hes always making out like everything’s too much and disappearing is his way of coping i think

just sick of the drama every few months like a broken record

youre right it prob would be zero loss just feels like i keep picking wrong every time

If he needed some headspace, he can say to you 'hey, OP, I need to go for a walk to clear my head, I'll be back in a couple of hours' and then come back in a couple of hours. Ideally making sure it's at a sensible time. Just walking out like that for days is unfair. Get him gone.

’it would appear so darling. However we will not be treated like this again, so I can assure you he won’t be coming back to live in this house’.

Change the locks.

This. He's no asset.

You will all be more settled without him. Sorry but it might be worth getting an STI check too.

Kick him out. Tell him not to bother coming back.

If all he had with him is his vape and a charger he obviously has somewhere to go. It sounds as though he probably has another woman on the go.
Honestly OP if he comes back dont let him back in.
You and the children will be much better without him.

You and the children deserve stability.

You don’t have to put up with this kind of behavior and you don’t want your children to think this is a healthy relationship.

He's a waste of space. Tell him to not bother coming back.

Change the locks and don’t let him back in. Try to do some work on your self esteem. Why you’re inflicting this man on your kids is beyond me. It’s one thing dealing with a shit man on your own but having your kids get involved too is (sorry if this sounds harsh) absolutely awful.

I’d definitely get rid, It will be affecting your children more than you think too. Their MH is a priority over his. You and your children deserve better! Tell him not to come back, you will be better off without the extra stress

Get rid. It’s not fair on you or children to live like this.
If you look at this from the outside, what exactly is he bringing to the table here?

How long has he lived with you, does he pay towards biils and food and for his DC with you?

yeah youre all right tbh

reading it back he brings NOTHING

ive done the last 2 birthdays by myself sorted school stuff dinner clubs uniform trips everything and hes just swanned in when it suits

and yeah part of me does think theres someone else or hes got somewhere else he goes coz hes always “offline” when he disappears but then suddenly back like nothing happened

im just tired of it now i want peace

kids are picking up on it even the little ones

feel stupid for letting it go on so long but i honestly thought he’d step up

not even gonna text him now im done chasing

thanks everyone really means a lot x

Who is lodging him when he goes AWOL?

Is he on the electoral roll as living with you.
Does he pay any money towards biils and food, if he doesn't he's a cocklodger and has no claim on your home.

hes not on the rent or anything no

hes been in and out past 2 years but never properly lived here like full time

hes got his name on post sometimes but not on bills and def not electoral roll i checked that ages ago

he gives me a bit here and there for the 2 hes got with me but nothing regular

food electric etc all me

no idea where he goes when he vanishes he says mates but never names

think im just seeing it clear now hes been coasting

cocklodger sounds about right tbh

Fully get rid. Cut all ties.

After reading your updates since my last post, I’d suggest just messaging him and tell him not to bother coming back this time. Think of yourself and your children.

Change the locks. If he's left any stuff there, put it in a bin bag on the front step. You may need to go to court to organise contact with the DC, depends how reasonable he's capable of being.

ive just messaged him said dont come back

no reply obv

his stuff is hardly anything couple bits of clothes and his old xbox that don’t even work so that can go in the shed til he asks

not changing locks yet but will if he tries turning up like nothings happened

if he wants contact he can go through proper way coz im not doing this on his terms anymore

sick of living like this

thanks again for replies its helped me loads x

I'd bet money he's got another woman somewhere. He's a waste of space. You and your children need a peaceful and stable home life, not the shit you currently have. Glad to see you've told him not to bother coming back. Stick to your guns.