A old Friend that i had not been in contact with over 25 yrs

[Bulldog01]

A old friend got in touch with me recently, to let me know a mutual friend had died.

She, asked me would i like to attend a restaurant in London to celebrate her life.
I said yes, we then all chose a suitable date/time.

I had quite a long journey 158 miles. Which meant it took 3 1/2 hours by train. Said friend only travelled 30 minutes. I was not happy that this so called friend had left a message on the group chat to mention that I was late meeting her at the station. Late due to a delayed train, by 10-15 mins.

Which i felt, rude & petty, I was looking forward to the gathering, but when i saw this it really left me wondering why i even went!

What are your thoughts?

Well it depends what she said, was she just letting everyone else know that you too were running late?

Was she just letting the group know that you'd both be a bit late to the restaurant?

If so, fine. If not, then yes, a bit weird.

Snap

This. Had you let her know you were going to be late?

Surely she was just letting everyone know you were both running late?

Yeah it would niggle me too. Think I would say on the group chat at some point ‘great to see you all and remember XXXX - made the 7 hour round trip worth it.’

If you've not been in contact with her for 25 years, is it possible to overlook the fact that she can be a bit thoughtless / tactless? It's not as if you have to deal with her every day.
How did she put it?
What was the event itself like?

Surely it was just an update message to let people know the two of you would be late? I'm struggling to see what ther eis to get het up about unless it was AFTER the meet up and she said somethig like, "I hated being late but with OP being late, I had no choice" or something.

What context? Could you just not put on the group chat that the train was delayed? Without context it sounds as if you are reading your friends comment as rude and petty but are you sure it was meant like that? The easiest thing to do in these circumstances is just put your case politely by saying the reason you were late was due to train delays. It’s standing up for yourself and not blaming anyone else.

What was the comment? Context is everything.
However I suspect you are too sensitive here probably due to tiredness.

Just respond saying sorry for the delay. A train ran late. Sounds like she was just updating the group - I think there’s an echo in here 🤣

Yabu. What's the fuss?

The purpose ofvthe visitbis surely more important than whether you were late or not. Think you need to just let it go.

“Left me wondering why I even went.” Surely you went to commemorate the life of your friend who had, you know, actually died…..I think you’ve missed the point here.

3.5 hours on a train is a bit grim, but I'm assuming that your friend was organising the meal for an entire group of people - some she barely knows any longer - to celebrate her dead friend's life. She was probably quite stressed.

Did you update the group chat yourself to let everyone know you’re running late due to a delayed train or did you leave people waiting for you at the station/restaurant with no word?

Really nice of you to go all that way.
I doubt she was being horrible, just letting people know you’d both be along shortly. Seems normal?

I don’t understand why this would even be an issue, she’s just updating people that you are running late.

Non issue

There's updating and there's updating. Saying the OP was late picking her up does sound pointed and accusatory. She could have phrased it differently. I'd be pissed off too.

I don’t see the problem. If it was malicious I wouldn’t even have picked up on that. It was just an update.

Surely everyone would understand that your train was delayed (why else would you be meeting at a station)? Also, the group chat would know how far you had travelled? However your friend worded her message you just respond something like "So annoying when trains are delayed, glad it was only 15 minutes".

No wonder men rule the world if this is the level women will sink to.

To me it just sounds like she felt anxious that being late to a memorial lunch might be seen as disrespectful. She wanted to make it clear that it wasn't either of your faults and it wasn't that either of you were in anyway lax in your efforts to attend on time.

I do think it's easy to spiral about what's the right thing to do in death related situations as you can never guess at what people are going to take offence over. (A point you have amply illustrated: are you sure those feelings aren't really just a form of grief?)

Surely she’s just explaining why you were slightly late?

I was looking forward to the gathering, but when i saw this it really left me wondering why i even went!

It took a friend’s death to get you all together again. If you were looking forward to reuniting, are you sure you want to throw that away over one potentially misunderstood comment? If you enjoyed seeing these friends again, don’t throw a strop and end up not seeing them again for another 25 years.