Stonewalling /ghosting by new partner

[Lottiesnanny]

Only been together 5 months Long distance relationship I travel over 250 miles every month to see him…at great cost . Now a few times he has given me the silent treatment when he didn’t Like what I said silly things normally over text and he would ignore me for hours on end
We had words and i told him not to ghost me because i worry normally that some accident has befallen him ( ptsd /anxiety from sudden death of son. Yesterday my older son in Australia told me he has bought me a ticket to go see him and my daughter In Law and grand daughter for two weeks in sept … They have no idea I am seeing someone because it’s very early days . Told my partner about my pending visit and was met with silence all day and all night I knew he was ghosting me so don’t pursue it .
This morning though I asked why he hadn’t answered my text and his reply was he was disappointed he wasn’t asked to go . His punishment for not asking him immediately was the silent treatment… And he is still giving me the silent treatment..
I have decided to end it with him because I deserve better than emotional isolation…. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and he did this stonewalling crap I can’t do it again …
I am definitely not over reacting am I?

Don’t travel to men you’re dating. Let them come to you. You shouldn’t have to remind a man you exist by texting and calling. He’s probably after a cheap holiday with you paying. Throw him back and be less available next time you’re dating someone.

Throw this one back. 🚩🚩🚩

He's got you very well trained already after only 5 months, stonewalling is abuse. Please block and look forward to your trip to Oz. Don't give him another thought.

You are definitely not over reacting OP.

Throw this one back.

Also, seek trauma therapy for your anxiety if someone doesn’t respond quickly to texts.

Not responding for ‘hours on end’ is totally normal for most of my social circle, and it would be a huge leap to consider it stonewalling or ghosting. Not everyone is able to check their phone all the time.

I would find the inability to wait a couple of hours for a text response enormously controlling and a red flag in a relationship.

Is he really a partner after just 5 months, or just "someone you're seeing"?
To me, a partner is someone you share things with - it doesn't even sound like he's been sharing the travelling and coming to see you?
And he's having a tantrum because your son (who has no idea this "man" exists) hasn't invited him to Australia?!?!
As others have suggested, just throw this one back - you can be worse off and lonelier with the wrong person than if you were on your own....

100% you're not reacting, if anything you've been too patient. The silent treatment is emotional abuse. There's no excuse for it.

Throw this clown back and have a wonderful trip to Australia.

Throw this man baby back. You deserve better.

Good for you. I wish I’d had your common sense and sense of self worth ten years ago, rather than allowing someone like this to slowly suck my will to live out of me.

I’m so sorry to hear about your DS💐

Well done for recognising this man is an abusive asshole.

Throw him back. It’s far better to be on your own and wait for the right person, than to sell yourself short.

Interested to know why you were doing all of the running to him?

You’re 100% doing the right thing OP. Imagine thinking you can hitch onto that kind of holiday after 5 months with someone.

Enjoy your time with your family. And I’m sorry for the loss of your son.

You’re absolutely doing the right thing and definitely too old to play silly games.

I have done it !!!! I have 4 children I certainly don’t need a 5th ..,.
And for clarity I am totally cool with someone not texting me back straight away … This was different not healthy and I recognised it as narcissistic behaviours ..,

And I had lots of CBT to deal with grief and I am in a much better place than I was

Lightingstrikes I live in a little village with little to do he was in a city seemed like a good idea …

Yes, I get that, but it can so easily end up with you being expected to do all the legwork, which is a big negative, and in your case extremely costly.
Always start as you mean to go on.

You’re not overreacting. Silent treatment isn’t healthy. You making all the effort to meet isn’t healthy. Him expecting to go on holiday with you? Would be normal, but not if it’s a family thing and he hasn’t met them . If I were him, I’d have asked if you could take longer away and meet in Singapore or wherever after you’d seen family. But he didn’t, it’s all about him - and he was making you feel stressed and unhappy, you don’t need or want that.

Well done op!! You've dodged a bullet there! Well done for spotting the signs and acting swiftly and, most importantly, knowing your worth!! You have a wonderful trip to Australia to look forward to, so enjoy that and I hope you find someone who will treat you with kindness and love shortly!

Totally this. I spent too much of my 20s running around after guys, always travelling to them while they put in minimal effort. These days, I expect an even split from the start and if they start putting in no effort then I stop mine and end the relationship. Know your worth.

Enjoy your holiday!! Block and move on from this guy, you will have an amazing time with your family.

Zero tolerance for this, especially as you have history with narcissists

you’ll need to do some therapy to fix that vulnerability to attract them too tho, but you know you have done the right thing

well done!

Well he sounds like a moron but separate to that why shouldnt a woman visit a man, why does it have to be he visiting her? Aren't women capable of it?

No you aren't overreacting.
You know what it's like being with a narcissist.
Run.....

You are better without him, just end it.