He wishes I was someone else

[444pinkunicorns]

I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my first child and have a partner who isn’t very hands on. It’s added strain to our relationship as I have to ask for help with basic parenting tasks, he won’t do anything unless I specifically ask.

During an argument he became quite personal with insults, calling me cold, ignorant, rude and emotionless. There was a bit of heated discussion back and forth in which he listed wanting someone with characteristics I don’t have. Being petty I suggested that if he wanted someone so much unlike me, maybe he should find that person. He replied ‘yeah I’ll just phone her then.’ Suggesting to me that he already has someone else lined up.

I challenged him about the comment and he’s denied it, but I’m not 100% sure I believe him. His response was that he had just said it to hurt me. He went on to say that he wishes he had someone else with different characteristics/personality to me. These comments have really hurt me and lowered my self esteem.

My partner has made several comments during previous arguments about how easily he could get someone else, or how he’d move on straight away. In one argument he brought up that he’d been asked out by a colleague (he didn’t tell me at the time, he brought it up weeks later)

I feel like an idiot for staying with him but he’s treated to take our son if I leave. He’s told me I’m not able to take our little boy with me and he’ll take me to court to stop me seeing him. I don’t know what to do.

They always use the threat of taking baby

they never take the baby

hes with you because he can’t find anyone else that’s why he doesn’t want you to leave just yet

ditch and run when you can - you deserve better

“I’ll take the baby”—Massively empty threat.

He won’t, and can’t, do that.

please please let the trash take itself out.

off you pop then DP, I hope your happy without me and this family. Head up and move on without him

Move on without him. He we ont be

Yeah, the ones that need to be asked to parent, do not want the baby, they want to hurt you. He sounds awful, get rid and let him “move on” out the door.

What is the situation re the finances and property?. Is he named on the child’s birth certificate or fad his surname rather than yours?

He will not be able to take the baby and indeed he is using that child as a weapon against you. It’s all part of the abusers tactics and is a threat designed to keep you in line. And it’s worked till now. women’s aid can help you formulate a plan to leave safely.

@444pinkunicorns - why do you think he would be able to take your baby? At most, he would get shared custody but a tiny baby will be kept generally with the mother for most of the time. So he’s an ignorant bully who’s talking utter rubbish. The threats are a form of abuse though. Do you have any real life support around you?

Oh he's full of shit, this one. He wants a punchbag, which is why he wants you to stay. He can't take your baby. Your baby is completely dependent on you - the most he'd have is an hour a day or something like that. Does he take any care of the baby at all?

Now is a time where you should be treated with care and respect by your partner. You won't get it from this man.

What's your living situation? Do you have somewhere you can go to?

Ive had the same threat and court threats.
My baby is now 22 he has moved out has his own life with his boyfriend.
Im still waiting for ex to come take him and still waiting for the court date.
After 5 years of exs threats and still no court papers lol i fucked off thailand.
17 year on im still waiting maybe its lost in the post.

The first time my husband said something like that to me would also be the last time because I’d quite happily send him off to go find that special person he so obviously wants. Sometimes the rubbish takes itself out, so handy.

You really think a court is going to give custody to someone who has done nothing with the baby since he was born? Nonsense I've been there. I was awarded full custody.
It's typical abuser behaviour. I'm sorry you ended up with an abuser. Separate as soon as you can.
This one needs to be thrown back into the sea.

This, and even if a court did order contact for dad, which is common if no abuse, how long do you think a dad who can’t be arsed to even do 1% at home now would show up to that contact and do 100% for that time… yeah, I really wouldn’t worry.

He's a piece of shit.

Leave.

He can't just 'take' the baby in court.

And even if the world was square and black was white and he got full custody, he wouldn't want it because he won't even change a nappy without being asked.

Do not stay with this nasty, evil bastard out of fear. That's never a reason to stay in a relationship.

Dump his malignant ass and get out.
Read up on how to co-parent with a narcissist. There are resources out there.

I'm sorry you're going through this op. But, run.

Op you need to start using your head here, what court in the land is going to take a new born baby from its mum and let the dad stroll off into the sunset with him? None. He’ll get a few hours visits a week, probably with you there for a number of months. Pack this piece of shits bags and concentrate on you and your baby. He’s already a shit dad causing you all this stress and detracting from the energy you can put into being a mum, this is the best it’ll get, downhill from here.

No court is going to take a six week old baby from it's mother because she's split up from the father. Move on as his abuse is going to harm you.

The verdict is unanimous OP.

I’d wager this useless man could barely take a nap without supervision, never mind “take the baby”.
Bid him a cheery “goodbye” on the way to his ( probably totally fictitious) colleague.
He is not a good man or a nice person and you will be well rid of him.

You don't want to raise a kid in a household seeing their mother bullied and abused.

He's waited till he thought you were trapped by the baby to drop his mask.

You have one life to live op, don't waste another second of it with the beast. He means you harm. He even says it clearly. He's told on himself, listen, and get away.

Give yourself and your baby a home away from him. Teach your child that we never hang around bullies. You can do this. Tell any reliable friends and family what is going on and speak to woman's aid. Keep any proof of his threats and nastiness incase you ever need to show the police.

I really hate reading threads like this. This period of time is so difficult and should be so full of support and love yet many women have to endure difficulty and abuse from what often looks like a normal relationship to outsiders.
Tell him to leave then. You don’t need all this shit on top of what you’re going through.
Your life will be so much less stressful without his disgusting attitude.

Call his bluff every time. Tell him he’s welcome to leave. Tell him yes, yes, you’ll see him in court. Tell him you’re starting to see what he’s like and you don’t feel the same about him anymore.
He either shapes up or gets lost.

I mean, he’s doing fuck all with the baby at the minute and leaving it all to you right? Can’t be arsed doing even basic parenting? Do you honestly think he’d go for full custody? It’s a threat, and a shitty one designed to mess with your emotions. He’d have to spend money and effort in court, AND then he’d have to look after the baby himself. Not going to happen.

Leave the bastard.

Oh, also, as has been said above: at 6 weeks a court would very much leave the baby with you. Call his shitty bluff.

If he isn't hands on and has to be prompted to do basic parenting he has zero intention of taking the baby. That is being said to "keep you in your place" and shut you up.

You really don’t need this, no woman does.
I’m so so sorry, we all say things we don’t mean in arguments, but nothing like this.
Have a real deep think about whether this is the kind of person you want your child to grow up around.

What a wanker he is. He won't take the baby given that he doesn't make much effort with him.

Was he a wanker before you got pregnant?

You need to get away from this man he is going to make your life hell. Wake up and smell the coffee why on earth did u have a baby with him