He wishes I was someone else

[444pinkunicorns]

I’m 6 weeks postpartum with my first child and have a partner who isn’t very hands on. It’s added strain to our relationship as I have to ask for help with basic parenting tasks, he won’t do anything unless I specifically ask.

During an argument he became quite personal with insults, calling me cold, ignorant, rude and emotionless. There was a bit of heated discussion back and forth in which he listed wanting someone with characteristics I don’t have. Being petty I suggested that if he wanted someone so much unlike me, maybe he should find that person. He replied ‘yeah I’ll just phone her then.’ Suggesting to me that he already has someone else lined up.

I challenged him about the comment and he’s denied it, but I’m not 100% sure I believe him. His response was that he had just said it to hurt me. He went on to say that he wishes he had someone else with different characteristics/personality to me. These comments have really hurt me and lowered my self esteem.

My partner has made several comments during previous arguments about how easily he could get someone else, or how he’d move on straight away. In one argument he brought up that he’d been asked out by a colleague (he didn’t tell me at the time, he brought it up weeks later)

I feel like an idiot for staying with him but he’s treated to take our son if I leave. He’s told me I’m not able to take our little boy with me and he’ll take me to court to stop me seeing him. I don’t know what to do.

He does nothing with the baby but thinks that he will get 'full custody' of the baby if you split up? Yeah, these are just empty threats to scare you into accepting his awful behaviour. Tell him that you wish he was someone else. Tell him that you'd prefer to be in a relationship with a kind man and a loving and helpful father to your child rather than the waste of space that you're stuck with.

You need to make plans to split up.

I understand that you are terrified by his threat, and that’s exactly why he said it.

He just want me to have power and control over you and using the baby is the easiest way to get it.

NOBODY is going to make you give your baby to him. Absolutely nobody. And nor can he just take the baby and run off into the sunset.

Do you have family nearby who can support you through this? I would open up to someone. Tell your HV what is happening and what he has threatened to do get a professional on side and have it formally documented that he’s made that claim and that have sought out professional support and guidance. Get his cruel threat flagged somewhere.

I’m sorry you are going through this instead of having the joyous post-birth and newborn baby experience that you want and deserve.