Shit! DC just almost found out that H and I are separating before we told them.

[LightB]

Fuck! A gardener just mowed my lawn (marital home) and I’ve been arranging for him to mow my new place as it’s a jungle. Ex and I are telling our children in the next few days that we are separating and the gardener just loudly asked when I am moving to the new place (the kids are up in their rooms) fuck!
Why is this so stressful 😣

So why not tell them this afternoon? Why add to stress of being found out.

how old are the children? Will they be staying on moving with you?

Did you need to start two threads about this?

So they definitely heard??

It’ll be 60/40 custody

No I don’t think so, I shut him down very quickly. Oldest is on headphones but Jesus Christ!

They probably already know if it’s at that stage. Kids aren’t stupid.

Well it's fine then isn't it

Go out to gardener, say quietly not to mention the new house as you've yet to tell them and no need to panic eh

Assuming this is real, really don’t do this. As the child of divorced parents this would have made it a lot worse if I’d not been able to get used to the idea

I can’t imagine how horrible it must be to have to do this
can you plan some positive things for the new house ? a pet or new bedroom decor?

can you go out for dinner somewhere the kids like after as a family to show how nicely you are all going get on or something ??

Why are you waiting to tell them? Why in the next few days?

Finding the right moment with us both off together.

If you have sorted the house why haven't you told them yet?

There’s no right moment

It just needs to not follow any drama or arguing.

Yes that’s what I’m hoping to do and yes definitely get a pet for the new place as ex dislikes animals.

So you’re moving out.
And they’ll be with out either 60 or 40% of the time

and you haven’t told them about the change in their home that is about to take place?

It’s a complicated situation as I’m leaving due to emotional abuse from ex (v.nasty stuff/toxic behaviour) although things are calm right now and he knows that we are now separated. I have had to set up a place to move into quickly as to not remain living with ex when he knew it was over between us (for too long) It’ll be a month before I can move out for good. Things are actually okay between ex and I, he’s obviously upset but we are being grown up and trying to remain amicable for the DC sake. Our parents now know and DCs will need to be told soon too.

I was on your other thread about how amicable it was and wanting family dinners?

How old are the children?

op they need to be told very soon. They are going to have a second home! It is very local?

Tell them ASAP. My parents sprung it on me and my siblings, we moved out the following week. They'd obviously known for months and months. They did so much right, but it was absolutely horrible being yanked from my home like that, and because mum was primary carer and dad was EOW and school hols it felt like saying goodbye to him. Horrible. I missed him. Please tell them and give them as much time as you can. It may be a huge rug pull.

Yes I know that sounds crazy as I’m leaving him due to EA but I’m still hoping we can remain friendly towards each other. No fault divorce and no mud slinging and with a disabled DC we have to stay in contact/be on good terms. It’s complicated I know. It know it might not make much sense.

Well I’m confused because you weee saying how much you respect one another and want to work together.

anyway,,, your teen especially needs to know now.

Yes we want to remain respectful and not bring up the past. Yes he’s done awful/said terrible things to me but I just don’t have the option to not stay in contact with him so we have to find a way to work together. It’s very very early days though, who knows what will happen further down the line?

Yes, it’s close to where we are now.

So when do you plan to tell them op

because you are determinedly ignoring advice to tell asap

This weekend.