Shit! DC just almost found out that H and I are separating before we told them.

[LightB]

Fuck! A gardener just mowed my lawn (marital home) and I’ve been arranging for him to mow my new place as it’s a jungle. Ex and I are telling our children in the next few days that we are separating and the gardener just loudly asked when I am moving to the new place (the kids are up in their rooms) fuck!
Why is this so stressful 😣

In my experience kids tend to know far more about whats going on in situations like this than the parents think…..or they know somethings happening and fill in the gaps to be worse than reality. Theres never a good time, so the right time is before other people are told.

Tomorrow?

Give it a rest! You are on all these threads badgering different OPs. Just stop.

good! You‘ve had time to get used to this. You’ve emotionally detached and even organised yourself a new house.

they haven’t. So tell them asap and stop with those secrets.

You’re all over mumsnet telling posters off! 😆

So nothing happened then? You just shit yourself unnecessarily and I think you'll find the kids know things are over.

A bunch of strangers who have never met OP and are keen to move the story forwards for their own entertainment - oh yes OP why aren’t you rushing to tell them straight away?

Because we have someone who has lined up a new home for her children, including a teenager

and has told the gardener before them

Sorry @LightB I can't get past the fact that the gardener knows and the children don't. That is terrifically emotionally abusive of the children imo and you are complicit.

The gardener really didn’t do anything wrong unless you told him ‘this just be kept secret because my DC including a teenager don’t know that I’m moving out’.

Your parents know, once you tell
people something it’s no longer a secret. Hope you can tell them very soon.

It's kind of wild.

I’d let them lead on the meal out. I can’t think of anything I’d have liked to do less than sit there and pretend to play happy families when you’ve just had that news sprung on you. Especially if it’s going to come as a shock and they have no idea.

They are likely to need some time to process their feelings about this.

Your gardener did nothing wrong. Because no one would have imagined for a moment that you'd told your gardener before you told your children.

Agreed the meal out sounds ghastly, like forcing the children to make the adults feel comfortable by being instantly at ease with the idea.

It's a huge change for the children. They should have a chance to process it all in private

Agreed the meal out sounds ghastly, like forcing the children to make the adults feel comfortable by being instantly at ease with the idea.

I wouldn't have wanted to play happy families if I were your kids, when that's the last thing you are. It's unfair to them.

I assume you mean op's kids?

Yes. I did. It's unclear there. Sorry.

How has today gone Op?

really hoping you didn’t do the meal out approach

Today is calm, the meal out idea was just something I was considering further down the line when the dust settles.

I don’t think that the gardener did anything wrong.

How would he know it was a split rather than a normal house move ? I think that he’s not unreasonable to think that the kids knew (especially a teen)

Anyway hope it goes well with the kids. I think that people are shocked that you haven’t told them and telling them on a weekend makes most sense as they can think about things at home rather than school.

do you and ex plan to tell them today?

If today is calm,
might be a good time

If something is a secret you need to let people know that it's to be kept secret. For most people the default is that it's open information unless told to keep it secret.

With all this stuff in motion you need to tell your DC sooner rather than later.

How did it go Op?

Yy