People moaning about having kids is just like women always moaning about men. It just happens and you join in even if you are quite happy and dont really have any issues (I'm sure blokes whinge about women this way too). It just makes you feel connected to others. But really ask people about whether they regret having kids, and a lot of people you see moaning wouldn't change it. I get some would though , but that's probably a minority.
For me I loved the time we spent as a couple, we were financially secure and used to travel a lot, bought our own house , good jobs, good social life etc. Big group of friends, but who we knew a lot of didnt want kids. We just had a conversation about it and decided to have them early thirties so we could enjoy ourselves first. Then we began trying and boom no luck. There's nothing like something you've planned not working for focusing your mind on what you really want. It made me realise how much I did want them. The 30 months we spent trying was honestly the most difficult period of my life. 2 rounds of IVF later, our first DC arrived. I was absolutely smitten with him straight away and still am 20 years later. I knew I would be happy if he was my only child , but DS2 arrived as a surprise just under 3 years later. I did take a lot longer to bond with DS2, and it was much more gradual. DS2 also has SEN and various health issues. So it hasnt been easy. But it's honestly so rewarding.
I think back to those 30 awful months and I am so grateful every day to have my children share my life. They are funny, kind, passionate, caring individuals and they forever keep me and DH on our toes. And a lot poorer! But sharing experiences with them and watching them grow is amazing and I wouldn't change it for anything. I can honestly say I have enjoyed every stage of their development and watching them grow into teens and young adults and gain independence makes me so proud to be the mum of the young men they have become. I'm proud of me and DH too as I think we've done a good job. So many laughs and happy memories along the way. DH has been very supportive and involved all along the road - it was my choice to work part time to spend more time with my kids and I have relished bring able to do that. It means I get the mental load , but that's part of my parent job, making up for the times I'm not working at my real job, a good compromise.
You have to both be on the same page about being a parent though - there's no gerting away from the fact that its hard work and some things are difficult, and you will have low points and many challenges you weren't expecting. But as with any relationship, you have to put the work in to get the enjoyment out. And for me its absolutely been worth it.
Its not something you can compromise on mind, you either have kids or you dont. And if you have different viewpoints its a bit of a dealbreaker. You can't stay together with such incompatibility without one if you being resentful. Its something only you can decide on though. You probably need to reframe your thinking of children being drudgery - yes they are hard work, some stages are harder than others, but they give you so much back in terms of enriching your life as well, so dont forget that part as well.