Ex partner assaulted me now and ive found out in pregnant

[Hello6678]

So as the title says, he assaulted me on Tuesday morning. He came home from drinking bender demanding the car keys so he could go back to his home town which is about 45 min car journey away.

obviously I wasn’t handing them over so he’s shoved me round and headbutted me! got me on the floor and twisted my arm up my back to get the keys from me.

he’s left and I’ve called the police who attended and took photos of my injuries but he still hasn’t been arrested yet.

I went to see my friend on Tuesday night with my son (who was upstairs in bed whilst all this was going on) and decided to take a pregnancy test because for some reason I actually wanted to have a child with this creature and we were actively trying . And it’s positive ! I haven’t told him.

I don’t know what to do, 75% of me is saying get rid of it, can’t bring a baby into this messy situation and I’d be tied to him forever, he is chaos ! But 25% of me is wanting to keep it, I wanted this baby , can I do it by myself ? I know it will be hard but … I just don’t know!!

He’s not always been this way, this is the first time (and last) he’s assaulted me. And I’m just so shocked that he has assaulted me.

he has been on a drinking session a few times before and come back at stupid o'clock and I’ve made it clear that it’s not something I’d accept and I think he knew that he had crossed the line which is why he wanted to go back to his home town as he knew I would be asking him to leave.

I can’t have it around my son, obviously he’s my main priority!

I will not be taking him back at all, it’s done and finished now.

but now I’ve found out I’m pregnant am I just signing myself up to a life of being hit with his fall out when he decides to press the self destruct button - will he even be consistent with contact for a child. Is it just easier to terminate and move on with my life ? Will I regret not keeping it?

sorry if I am not making much sense ! I don’t feel like I am lol my head is fried !

please can I have some advice from others xx

In the circumstances you have just described I'd end the pregnancy. This man is not safe to be around you and most importantly your son. There will hopefully be other options in the future to try again for a baby with a better partner. Don't tie yourself to this vile man

Another point that doesn’t get mentioned enough on this board is that the chances are the suns grow up just like their father’s
I have personal firsthand experience of exactly that, It’s very difficult looking your sister-in-law in the eye knowing that history is just repeating itself and that her children are witnessing exactly the same as we all did.

OP, I had an abortion at 38 with someone who is a depressed alcoholic. He has 2 kids but his ex has stopped him seeing them. I can't confirm the reason but I suspect it's drink. He has a bit of an attitude when drinking beer, but has never assaulted a partner.

I cannot say how much I regret the abortion, even now, exactly 2 years later. Everyone said it was the best thing to do, but I don't think it was. I'm pro choice still, but this has absolutely ruined my life ... I'll never be the same again. Even with all the potential difficulties I would have faced, I'm sure it would have all worked out in the end.

I don't have kids. Never really wanted them prior, but my God the regret doing what I did. Before when pregnant, I wanted to terminate. But if I knew exactly how I was going to feel afterwards I would never have dreamed of it.

He knew, I told him, and ultimately did it for him and now I hate myself.

Just to add that he was 49 at the time, so we would have both been older parents. I thought there's an increased risk of disability etc. How it wouldn't be fair on the child in our situation. Believe me, I thought of everything negative and I still regret it.

Hugs.

So completely different circumstances to the person posting.

Although, my grandson is the kindest, gentlest young man I’ve ever met and his dad was a horrendously violent abuser, drug user and dealer who spent more time in prison than out. It doesn’t always work out that way admittedly but we shouldn’t I think just write off the boys whose dads are vile.

It very much depends on how much contact the child has with the abusive horrible father doesn’t it?
But my personal experience is the history of repeats itself.

Of course, totally agree … I was just thinking about my grandson and what a great person he is, total opposite from his dad. Lots of times it doesn’t turn out that way but I wanted to say a word on behalf of all those lads who are worried they’ll turn out like their dad.

Very hard OP, but as everyone says your son deserves a mum free of this bastard, not having any rights to be at your door.

You are doing this to protect your existing child.

I would terminate. I'm not someone who would generally have an abortion as I don't think I could bear it if I regretted it but in your situation, I would do it. Its not a baby, not yet. Just a cluster of cells that has the potential to become one.

If you do desperately want it, I would move away and hide it from him, or if they were willing, have someone else claim to be the father. (Just to ex, not officially)

I am sorry this happened to you but its a different situation.
OP already has a son she needs to consider and this man is violent