https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5345321-am-i-being-dramatic?reply=144654983
Hi everyone,
Some of you may remember me from the other evening, a lot of you gave me some good advice, and I really appreciate it.
I just wanted to update the situation I’m in. As everyone was so kind. I’ve attached my original post to this one.
I have decided I am going to leave. However, for a few reasons I need to do this carefully I think. One reason is my daughter, who is autistic as well as other disabilities, this will have a devastating impact on her if he is suddenly gone. Which is why I need to fade it if I can. Another reason is I don’t know how he will react. I may be being over dramatic, he might be absolutely fine, but I’m unsure. So I will be getting advice from Women’s aid. I still sometimes think I’m being over dramatic, as I’m used to this type of behaviour, but, more has come to light since my last post.
He has admitted to slapping a woman previously. In anger because of an affair.
I snooped! I’m not proud of this and he doesn’t know I’ve found things. But I found a note book today. With notes from a few months before I met him. Talking about his anger and aggression problems. How there was an ‘incident’ with a woman not too long before me and him and how ‘he can never be like this again’.
About how he lies.
And about how, he is impulsive and likes to take sexual risks….since living alone (before me but I’m now wondering if with me), with prostitutes.
Obviously his past is his past, and I feel guilty as hell just sharing this on here as it’s not my business so I’m not going into great detail, but on top of his behaviours with me:
last weekend where he became verbally abusive, smashing things, grabbing me and pulling so I fell, threats of killing himself again (see previous post)
his monitoring me on my time on social media platforms and what’s app;
turning up on my one night out with my best friend as I didn’t tell him I was home and being really angry with me about this;
getting annoyed if I don’t reply ‘I love you’ to every time he says it (excessively on what’s app);
threat of killing himself when we almost ended earlier this year;
another occasion of getting very aggressive when drunk over nothing;
lying to me for months over a situation with his ex wife (too much to explain but it was huge);
not allowing me to interrupt him when he is talking to me;
on two occasions when I’ve been in tears over something to do with us he has tried to be sexual (he said to remind me what I enjoy);
There are more little things but I just can’t think.
again, I know I shouldn’t be with him, but it’s not as easy to just break up straight away. I’m also really sad, as the future I thought I had with him has now just gone. I thought he was completely different to this. I’m shocked.
I think the point of this post is just to ask for a bit of support that what I’m doing is right. I’m sorry if this post is unwelcome. I’m so used to bad relationships I always look at ways to blame myself somehow. He says things will never happen again obviously, but now knowing his past behaviour, I know it probably will. He is also using his recently diagnosed adhd, but I just can’t see how it can be this either.
I feel terribly guilty for snooping in his flat. But I just wanted to try and fin something to help me realise that this isn’t me.
Thank you for reading xx