Am I a diva or is this the end?

[Hesitatingbeauty]

My partner is an events plannner on top of their ‘normal job’ .
Last year we missed out on holiday together because they kept organising events for times we could have gone away and it left it too late for us to book anything together so I went away alone.

They have promised to check in with me in future around planning events.

I have found out via fb that they have booked events the weekend of our anniversary and the weekend of my birthday, both my birthday and our anniversary fall on Mondays this year which we both work our normal jobs and I have childcare responsibilities on Mondays straight from work so I’d have hoped to plan something for us for those weekends prior to the Mondays .

I also have bought tickets and made plans for their birthday weekend later in the year which they know about.

This comes at the end of a long list of slights and forgetting and dismissing my feelings when I complain.

Our last anniversary was a sad occasion for me because of things my partner did which made me feel second best so I was hoping for more effort this year.

I know they will say those significant dates are Mondays so technically they are still free for us to do something and that I am ‘welcome to attend’ the events but this hasn’t been discussed and I don’t really want to, especially as one is likely to feature an estranged family member.

I am nd, I don’t know if my partner is, certainly not diagnosed but they always say it’s a medical concern that they keep forgetting things (it’s only ever things that are important to me, regular stuff and friends’ needs etc are never forgotten)

I haven’t said anything yet about the anniversary weekend because RSD, I don’t know if I’m being a diva about it? I’m so used to minimising and not trusting my own feelings but I feel so forgotten and uncared for,

whenever I complain my partner says they’re a ‘terrible person’, they feel ‘awful’ and sometimes offer to cancel the events which would then let loads of people down, lose them money etc which I see as a kneejerk reaction and would just make me feel worse.
So then I say don’t cancel and partner says ‘I can’t win’

I think we’re at the end of the road, but coming here for other opinions, is it me with the problem ? !

lol you know what they/them is likely to signify, it is not a new concept.

but that’s fine. I asked my question, I was given lots of supportive and some fair but challenging responses.
After having tried multiple ways to ‘fix’ this, I worked through the problem using mn as a tool to help me process this painful and confusing issue.
in real time and during posting on this thread I have sadly split with my ex and am very upset although I know it will hurt less in time.

yours is possibly just a little bit of a goady post but I’ve been through a lot worse today and I cba to rise to it and explain what you probably already know

OP, I’m sorry (for you) that it’s ended like this but I do honestly think they’re using (and perhaps you are too — I mean this in the nicest way) the fact you’re ND as an excuse for getting away with murder…
It will get easier with time. I speak from first hand experience.

Thank you, I think you may be right .
if I am honest this is not the first time I have been in a relationship where my nd has made me vulnerable , not just romantic / sexual relationships either.
I have never trusted my own judgment and have let a lot slide and have been anxious to fit with people because I have never fitted anywhere