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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

6 years, a child, and now he wants to marry someone he’s never met…

44 replies

LovingReader · 01/06/2025 07:36

Baby daddy and I have shared a home for nearly 3 years now. Everything was great. In April 2025, he met a girl on TikTok who lives overseas. After, I confronted him about the girl and had many conversations of him saying that he doesn’t want to let go of us. He decided that he wanted to pursue something with her and told me that I should detach. Keep in mind, I confronted him about this girl only hours after he was being all lovey dovey with me and expressing how much he loves me.

A week later he was now telling this girl that he loves her and that she’s his wife. Baring in mind they have not met in person. They just talk over WhatsApp and they had only started talking to each other for 2 weeks.

Fast forward to today. We still live together and every night I have to hear him flirting with this girl. He hasn’t even told her that he lives with me. Apparently, she thinks that I live elsewhere and that our apartment is his. Which I think is a bit stupid as she is a mum herself, so wouldn’t you question why our daughter is always there in the background. If he has said that she lives with her mum. He has even given this woman a tour of our home via video call and I’ve heard her telling him what kind of furniture, plants and pictures she would put if she was here. 😒

Apparently, she is also getting very impatient about wanting to see him. He said to me, “This is a joke, but this girl is getting impatient. I don’t have my new passport yet. Would you visit your parents? Then she could come and stay here.”

I told him that there was no way I would leave my home that I pay the rent and bills for, for him to sleep with some girl in my bed and play happy families. Even if it was a joke, it wasn’t a very funny one.

Today, I heard him talking about visiting her for a month and they plan to get married while he’s there. They are even talking about having babies too. I was with this man for 6 years; he always expressed that he didn’t want to get married as he was exposed to his parents divorcing multiple times and didn’t want to have any more kids.

What p*ssed me off the most is that he has had a sexual convo with her on the phone in front of our child.

He’s even expressed to her that before he met her, he never felt horny. When in actual fact, he was always horny, and we had sex everyday before I confronted him about her.

He’s also stated that she is his motivation and someone in his corner. Which again, I think is silly as he’s only known her for a month. Over the past six years, I have always supported him. I cheered him on and been the shoulder to lean on. I was there for him during his severe illness and much more.

I love him, before this situation everything was great! Our families would always say that we were soulmates. Right now, I feel so hurt and disrespected. I feel like he’s making me seem like a bitter baby mum, which I really don’t want to be or is who I am. I’m not even mad at the girl either as she is the innocent one here. I’m just so upset with him. He isn’t even working due to his health, so I have been the one to keep us afloat. I feel like everything, I have done over the years is a slap in the face. I really want to kick him out but he won’t have anywhere to go, and I will feel so guilty. I don’t know what to do. 😭

I can’t believe after 6 years he would hurt me like this. Part of me has detached and doesn’t care anymore. The other half of me feels so broken. After, I heal from this. I don’t think, I could date again as I’ve been through 2 heartbreaks and I’m now terrified of giving a man my all. Then having it thrown back in my face.

OP posts:
Dontsparethehorses · 01/06/2025 07:39

You need to let him go and be an idiot. Do not leave the apartment- he can go to her and then find somewhere new to live after that. Do not take him
back when it all falls apart. Lean on your family and friends and tell them exactly what is happening. I’m sorry your going through this and will be hurting but he has shown you his true colours

Snakeandladder · 01/06/2025 07:39

Let him go and change the locks.

You don't love him. You love the idea of what he was. He's a complete dickhead op!

arethereanyleftatall · 01/06/2025 07:39

So you’re separated and you pay for everything anyway, and he’s being utterly horrible to you - soooo - kick him out???

TheCurious0range · 01/06/2025 07:41

When you say baby daddy were you actually together in a relationship when he started talking to this woman? You don't refer to him as your partner/ex partner, had you already split and just live together for financial reasons?
Either way he's met someone else and doesn't want to be with you now, kick him out and get on with living your life with your child.

Btowngirl · 01/06/2025 07:41

I’ve never said this before but you need to LTB. Kick him out, his conduct is grossly inappropriate considering you & DD are there for a lot of it. He needs to grow up, get a job and stop treating you like a doormat!

WelcomeWeAreBack · 01/06/2025 07:41

I don't know where to start.

‘Baby mum’ ‘ baby daddy’…you mean mum and dad?

Some of this story is hard to believe and should not be happening around your child.
In short, you need to split and live separately. Both of you need to make plans as to how this will happen.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/06/2025 07:41

Also - you don’t love who he is now, you can’t possibly. You love who you used to think he was or you’ve loved him in the past. You don’t now, just memories.

Namechange2567 · 01/06/2025 07:42

Let him go

Chorltonandthewhale · 01/06/2025 07:44

I only know the phrase ‘baby daddy’ from situations where the man ( the baby daddy) has numerous other women, one of whom is the ‘baby mamma’. He clearly sees your ‘relationship’ like this.

He’s awful. Break free.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 01/06/2025 07:45

He’s the worst kind of man. Tell him to leave. He’s probably caught up in a scam. Silly man. You deserve better. Don’t tolerate the disrespect a minute longer!

TwistedWonder · 01/06/2025 07:47

So you’re bankrolling this cocklodger while he declares undying love to a random on TikTok who’s probably s scanner anyway?

Come on OP, I know you’re in shock but stop letting him take you for an absolute mug and tell him to pack his bags. Where he goes is not your problem

CottageGoblin · 01/06/2025 07:48

Have you actually had a conversation with him where you say that he cannot have best of both?
he needs to move out and find somewhere else to live. You are no longer together. You are letting him walk all over you and treat you terribly.
is his name also on the house?

where is this girl travelling from? He’s being very naive about the whole thing

Pyjamatimenow · 01/06/2025 07:49

Are you insane? Ffs how much dirt do you want to eat? This is gross. Just kick him out

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/06/2025 07:50

He’s absolutely pathetic. He’s not paying rent or bills, you’re obviously not married, he’s blatantly flirting with someone else in front of you, just kick him out. Not your problem where he goes.

Once he’s gone, work out why you’ve accepted such outrageous behaviour. “But I love him” isn’t a good excuse tbh.

CrazyGoatLady · 01/06/2025 07:51

Get him out. He might not want to be in a relationship with you any more, but he still has the responsibility of being a father. How dare he behave like this in front of your daughter. I hope the TikToker turns out to be a scammer, and when he comes back empty pocketed and humiliated, you slam the door in his good for nothing face. What an utter bellend.

witwatwoo · 01/06/2025 07:51

You’re paying rent and bills ? Kick him out ffs

Golidlocksandthethreeswears · 01/06/2025 07:52

Why have you not packed him a suitcase and bought him a one way ticket yet?

Eldermileniummam · 01/06/2025 07:53

Sorry OP this sounds so difficult but he's basically cheated on you. Are you no longer together? I think you need to tell him to get out of the house as he's clearly pursuing something else.

Worriedsickmostofthetime · 01/06/2025 07:55

Why do you think you deserve this? Your power lies in leaving him and not accepting a life like this.

LemondrizzleShark · 01/06/2025 07:56

FFS kick him out, or if his name is on the lease, move out yourself. He’s talking about marrying somebody else, he has no interest in continuing a relationship with you.

If he has no money to pay the bills once you’ve moved out, maybe he can ask his new fiance to contribute. Either way it won’t be your problem.

WaltzingWaters · 01/06/2025 07:56

WTF. I mean, if this is for real, throw the loser out NOW, change the locks, and never speak to him again (except of course any interaction you need about your Dd). Have some bloody self respect! Maybe some counselling to help you have healthier self esteem and find better relationships and boundaries in the future.

SamDeanCas · 01/06/2025 07:58

Oh my god op, just kick him out. He’s a waste of space who’s treating you appallingly. He also brings nothing to the table.

Who cares if he’s got no where to go, he’s an adult and has to live with his shitty decisions.

I hope the tenancy is in your name only. If it is, give him a week to go and if he doesn’t leave call the police and get him turfed out

Nominative · 01/06/2025 07:59

If he's on TikTok with this girl in your presence, why don't you make sure you're in the room talking loudly about the fact that he lives in your house and you bankroll him?

Zanatdy · 01/06/2025 08:06

he is completely out of order, and have a sexual conversation in front of his child is completely unacceptable. You’re behaving like a doormat letting this all go on. Ask him to leave.

Tiredbut · 01/06/2025 08:10

If this is real, you know good and well you need to kick him out.

doing all this in earshot of not only you but your child? Come off it.

if youre not going to do it for yourself then do it for your child. Feel bad for THEM being around this, not him for having nowhere to go.

do you think he feels bad for you? He’s taking the absolute piss out of you and therefore your child. And you’re happy to let your child grow up seeing their mum be a doormat? Great example