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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

6 years, a child, and now he wants to marry someone he’s never met…

44 replies

LovingReader · 01/06/2025 07:36

Baby daddy and I have shared a home for nearly 3 years now. Everything was great. In April 2025, he met a girl on TikTok who lives overseas. After, I confronted him about the girl and had many conversations of him saying that he doesn’t want to let go of us. He decided that he wanted to pursue something with her and told me that I should detach. Keep in mind, I confronted him about this girl only hours after he was being all lovey dovey with me and expressing how much he loves me.

A week later he was now telling this girl that he loves her and that she’s his wife. Baring in mind they have not met in person. They just talk over WhatsApp and they had only started talking to each other for 2 weeks.

Fast forward to today. We still live together and every night I have to hear him flirting with this girl. He hasn’t even told her that he lives with me. Apparently, she thinks that I live elsewhere and that our apartment is his. Which I think is a bit stupid as she is a mum herself, so wouldn’t you question why our daughter is always there in the background. If he has said that she lives with her mum. He has even given this woman a tour of our home via video call and I’ve heard her telling him what kind of furniture, plants and pictures she would put if she was here. 😒

Apparently, she is also getting very impatient about wanting to see him. He said to me, “This is a joke, but this girl is getting impatient. I don’t have my new passport yet. Would you visit your parents? Then she could come and stay here.”

I told him that there was no way I would leave my home that I pay the rent and bills for, for him to sleep with some girl in my bed and play happy families. Even if it was a joke, it wasn’t a very funny one.

Today, I heard him talking about visiting her for a month and they plan to get married while he’s there. They are even talking about having babies too. I was with this man for 6 years; he always expressed that he didn’t want to get married as he was exposed to his parents divorcing multiple times and didn’t want to have any more kids.

What p*ssed me off the most is that he has had a sexual convo with her on the phone in front of our child.

He’s even expressed to her that before he met her, he never felt horny. When in actual fact, he was always horny, and we had sex everyday before I confronted him about her.

He’s also stated that she is his motivation and someone in his corner. Which again, I think is silly as he’s only known her for a month. Over the past six years, I have always supported him. I cheered him on and been the shoulder to lean on. I was there for him during his severe illness and much more.

I love him, before this situation everything was great! Our families would always say that we were soulmates. Right now, I feel so hurt and disrespected. I feel like he’s making me seem like a bitter baby mum, which I really don’t want to be or is who I am. I’m not even mad at the girl either as she is the innocent one here. I’m just so upset with him. He isn’t even working due to his health, so I have been the one to keep us afloat. I feel like everything, I have done over the years is a slap in the face. I really want to kick him out but he won’t have anywhere to go, and I will feel so guilty. I don’t know what to do. 😭

I can’t believe after 6 years he would hurt me like this. Part of me has detached and doesn’t care anymore. The other half of me feels so broken. After, I heal from this. I don’t think, I could date again as I’ve been through 2 heartbreaks and I’m now terrified of giving a man my all. Then having it thrown back in my face.

OP posts:
OchreRaven · 01/06/2025 08:13

Is this serious?

If so the level of disrespect is on another level. Read your post again. You are paying for his life and his home, he talks to this woman in front of you, is sexual with her in front of your child, has asked you to leave your home so he can pretend to this woman it’s his. Why on earth would you feel guilty for asking him to leave? What did he expect with this behaviour? He can go to the council and claim homelessness.

Tell him you have done as he has asked and have emotionally detached and don’t want him anymore and it’s time for him to start a new life with the love of his life. Give him a week to find a place to go.

Be prepared for him to beg for you back as there is literally no way it’s working out for them. Which country is she from? He will struggle to relocate without any income or job, visa issues etc. plus the fact he’s basically lied to her about everything which will come out eventually.

Making him leave is best for your child. Talking sexually in front of a child is abuse. His immaturity will damage your child.

mepipesneedlagging · 01/06/2025 08:19

I do believe the OP has left the building folks. After just one post.

sashh · 01/06/2025 08:35

'Baby daddy' are you 12?

You don't have a boyfriend you have a sperm donor. Let him go and change the locks.

Kimmeridge · 01/06/2025 08:41

mepipesneedlagging · 01/06/2025 08:19

I do believe the OP has left the building folks. After just one post.

Funny how often that happens. Only one somewhat controversial OP followed by pages of replies but OP never seen again

🤔

Renabrook · 01/06/2025 08:44

You love him? For goodness sake why?

GroovyChick87 · 01/06/2025 08:46

Kick him out and let him do what he wants. Don't take him back when his fantasy life falls apart. He's living in cloud cuckoo land and treating you disgustingly.

AnyoneWhoHasAHeart · 01/06/2025 08:46

0/10. Nobody is this stupid.

BusyBeatle · 01/06/2025 08:57

Sorry if this comes across as rude, but is this real?
are you in a position to move out if he won’t?
why does he think he can act so disrespectfully?

ThePoshUns · 01/06/2025 08:59

no way is this real.

Pricelessadvice · 01/06/2025 09:00

Baby daddy? Dear god.

Gettingbysomehow · 01/06/2025 09:00

He lives in cloud cuckoo land. Kick him out onto the street and let him get a taste of reality. Don't date morons again.

Sherararara · 01/06/2025 09:02

You are both very bizarre. What a way to live.

Stripeyanddotty · 01/06/2025 09:05

Quite literally unbelievable.

TheHistorian · 01/06/2025 09:13

I think you need to involve your family at the least to break the spell you're under with this man. It's absolutely disgusting the way he is treating you and you are passively accepting this. How would you advise a friend in this situation? You would probably be outraged at the arrogance of a man wanting you to move out while he entertains his 'girlfriend' in your bed.

At the least visit your family today and tell them what's going on. This man needs to be removed from your life. Perhaps the freedom program will open your eyes to the abuse you are suffering.The guilt you are feeling towards him is absolutely misplaced and keeping you trapped.

PenguinLover24 · 01/06/2025 09:16

Chuck him out! I hope he gets cat fished 🤣 but in all seriousness, how can he be so disrespectful to you? This is absolutely disgusting, plus the sexual conversation in front of your child is abuse!

LovingReader · 02/06/2025 14:29

Sorry everyone, my account got disabled after posting this post yesterday. So I was not able to respond. But everything is the post is real, I am currently going through this situation. I call him baby daddy now because we have broken up due to this situation. But normally I call him my partner/father of my child.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 02/06/2025 18:02

We still live together and every night I have to hear him flirting with this girl.

But you don’t have to, @LovingReader. Go in there and blow this out of the water by telling OW what’s really going on. Then send him packing.

You are enabling this pig to treat you and your child like shit on his shoe. It is disturbing that you are financially and emotionally supporting him while allowing him to sexually abuse DD and to ‘date’ OW in front of you, trashing everything you have and are doing for him. That he felt entitled to suggest your leaving so he can entertain her in your home and bed is absolutely heinous.

@LovingReader, please stop tolerating his degradation and kick this massive User out asap. He can pursue his ‘Wife’ under someone else’s roof.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/06/2025 18:11

His 'relationship' with this girl will last approximately 0.01 seconds when she finds out he has no home, no income and a child to pay for. So get him gone, and let him find out what happens to people who 'play pretend' to get a relationship.

cosmicbabe · 02/06/2025 19:56

Haha this is not real. Come on.

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