New relationship - Am I being paranoid?

[81Claire81]

Right, I feel a bit daft even writing this, but I’ve no one nearby to talk to and it’s playing on my mind.
I’ve been seeing this lad for a couple of months. At first he was all over me – texting loads, dead cuddly, couldn’t do enough for me. But these last couple of weeks he’s proper cooled off. Hardly any intimacy, and he won’t go down on me anymore (sorry if that’s TMI). Always says he’s tired or stressed.

He’s suddenly glued to his phone, always taking calls outside or turning away when he’s texting. He’s started going out for these late-night “walks” on his own, which he never did before. If I ask what he’s been up to, he either gets cagey or just changes the subject. I found a condom in his work washbag the other day – not even the brand we’ve used. He just laughed it off and said it’s been there ages, but I’m not daft.

Saw his mate in the shop and he couldn’t get away quick enough. Then, in the pub loos last weekend, I overheard a couple of women in the next cubicle talking about him. Didn’t catch what they said, but I definitely heard his name and my stomach just dropped. Wish I’d had the guts to ask what they were on about, but I just froze. It might have been nothing.

I don’t really know anyone round here yet and my mum’s getting on, so I don’t want to worry her. All my good mates are miles away or living abroad, so I can’t just pop round for a chat and a brew. My ex-husband cheated on me, so maybe I’m just damaged goods and reading too much into things.

Maybe I’m being unfair to this new bloke. It’s only been a couple of months. Maybe I should just sack it off and move on? Just feels a shame, as I thought there was something there and I’d not dated for ages before this.
Am I being daft or would this set anyone else’s alarm bells off? Anyone had owt similar?

He's just cooled off. Move on before you get any more involved.

I agree with pp, it's too early to invest any more time figuring it out, cut your losses and move on

Gutted but think you are right

Sounds like he has love bombed you . He ll do it to everyone he meets . You deserve better than the way he is with you right now . Hold your head high and finish with him . Put yourself on that pedestal you deserve to be seen on .

Raise your standards, if someone isn’t treating you well and you end up feeling like this then it’s time to walk away!

Comparing how it was to how it is, it's night and day. And we're only talking about a few months

I’m currently going through this right now. In a very short space of time fell for the whole act. He paid to fix my car and spent £££ on a weekend away. Last 2 weeks he went cold. Looked on his phone and he has been chatting to women on tinder and WhatsApp.

we went exclusive far too quickly. Don’t invest too early on like I did.

Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope you feel better soon. I just don't get why they do it

You should never be questioning if someone has ‘cooled off’ if he’s not longer interested in you he should tell you rather than acting ‘off’
making you question things. If some ring feels off it probably is, and don’t call yourself ‘damaged goods’ because you’re been treated terribly by being cheated on. Have some therapy about that is horrible to
go through and get rid of this guy, he sounds immature and annoying.

You're not damaged goods. You can just tell what's what. Doesn't matter exactly what's happened but he's changed, lost interest, and it's only months. Leave him to it. I wouldn't bother discussing. People sometimes let something drag on if they don't have other firm options just for the company or until they make a decision. You deserve better.

Probably because they like to hedge their bets. Charm and love-bomb fast to get you hooked and optimistic...then continue to explore the options.
Sorry if that sounds cold. It is.
Some people have a really shallow approach.

That's a good point about the damaged goods. Just thought the way I perceive myself might impact the way I'm ultimately treated.

I just feel so stupid. In no other part of my life would I mess up like this

You're being very hard on yourself.
You haven't known him long...we can only take people at face value. You haven't done anything wrong. If anything, after a couple of months, you've caught on quick.

You're not damaged goods. Think of it another way...you're a good bit wiser and more discerning.

Thanks so much I feel a lot better after that as well as the other posts

You haven't messed up!
He was interested, and now for whatever reason he has cooled off. Sometimes it just happens.

He just hasn't reached a point to tell you yet - he is either thinking his feelings might get come back, or he is hanging around until he meets someone else. From your description of his behaviour it sounds like the latter.

I'd cut your losses, it's only been a couple of months - a few short weeks! I wouldn't consider a new dating situation to be something that looks like it might be ongoing and that we can plan ahead a week or two until at least 3 months has passed.

Chin up, you are free to do better!

Don't call yourself damaged goods because you can sniff out a dickhead quickly, it's a very useful skill. And yes I'd bin him.

Thanks, I'm flipping it into a positive

Too much shit for a new relationship. I wouldn’t even entertain it.

You’ve only known him a couple months and you’re going through his work bag finding condoms. Chuck this one in the bin. This is meant to be the easiest part of a relationship.

I just wanted to right a nice note for him to find, then I found them.

I agree, definitely flip it into a positive. You've seen the change early, so you can chuck this one back without having wasted too much time. It's no reflection on you, some are just like this. Love bombey in the beginning but keeping options open.

You're worth more than this bollocks. Get rid.

Thanks, yeah I think you are right

When I first read your post, I read it as "love Bombay" not love "bombey" I was like "take me there" hahaha 🤣