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Original poster

Should I expect that my partner if 17 years, lets me know that he has agreed to be guarantor on a rental.

35 replies

FirstThing · 31/05/2025 15:04

We live together in my house, both work. He is semi retired.

DS’s son, mid 30’s. Doesn't work.

DP has agreed to be guarantor on a rental for his son.

Part of me thinks, nothing to do with me, if his DS doesn't pay the rent, DP will have to.
Other part of me feels that as we live together, have a bit of a history, with tensions around money and his DC’s, that he should have mentioned it.

Our finances are separate. He pays a small sum towards the bills here plus other luxuries like holidays, some bits of furniture and his sky package.

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstThing · 31/05/2025 15:05

Obviously ‘of’ 17 years, in the title. 😳 Apologies.

OP posts:
Radiatorvalves · 31/05/2025 15:07

Yes I would expect a discussion. If it all goes horribly wrong it could impact your finances considerably.

neilyoungismyhero · 31/05/2025 15:14

Well I was shocked to hear how he pays so little into the house finances but I suppose that's been a 17 year arrangement which has obviously suited you. In my view if becoming a guarantor in this instance might one day impact both your future lifestyles then I think it was a conversation he should have had with you. Is the DC unable to work for a medical reason or is he just unwilling? If he's flakey with money then it's a worry but if he's normally sound and responsible not so much. Nevertheless the convo should have been had. Disrespectful to you otherwise as he's pretty much living on your bounty.

Original poster
FirstThing · 31/05/2025 15:17

Radiatorvalves · 31/05/2025 15:07

Yes I would expect a discussion. If it all goes horribly wrong it could impact your finances considerably.

It wouldn't affect my home or credit references etc though, would it?

OP posts:
Original poster
FirstThing · 31/05/2025 15:19

neilyoungismyhero · 31/05/2025 15:14

Well I was shocked to hear how he pays so little into the house finances but I suppose that's been a 17 year arrangement which has obviously suited you. In my view if becoming a guarantor in this instance might one day impact both your future lifestyles then I think it was a conversation he should have had with you. Is the DC unable to work for a medical reason or is he just unwilling? If he's flakey with money then it's a worry but if he's normally sound and responsible not so much. Nevertheless the convo should have been had. Disrespectful to you otherwise as he's pretty much living on your bounty.

DS has no medical issues.

OP posts:
Radiatorvalves · 31/05/2025 15:20

Not directly, but if your partner had to cover the rent for months or even years, how would that impact you?

AgentJohnson · 31/05/2025 15:35

I’m confused, what are you angry about? If you think he should be contributing more to the household then that is a discussion you should have had earlier.

WorkCleanRepeat · 31/05/2025 15:37

Your opinion was clearly not going to have any impact on his decision so he didn't ask for it.

I'd at least have expected a conversation about any potential future implications.

BCBird · 31/05/2025 15:40

Even if it doesn't impact on your credit rating, if he ends up paying the rent then it may affect him being able to contribute to the other stuff. He shouldn't need to ask for permission, but he should have discussed it with you.

Original poster
FirstThing · 31/05/2025 15:42

AgentJohnson · 31/05/2025 15:35

I’m confused, what are you angry about? If you think he should be contributing more to the household then that is a discussion you should have had earlier.

I don't see where I've said he should contribute more at home? I'm not angry either, just wondering if I have a right to be disappointed that a conversation hasn't taken place.

OP posts:
Gundogday · 31/05/2025 15:44

Yes, I think there should have been a discussion. Even if you keep your finances separate, that’s a huge decision.

Out of curiosity, if his son doesn’t work, how is he going to afford the rent? Where is he living now?

Your dp will have needed to prove he could afford the rent also before being accepted.

TheignT · 31/05/2025 15:48

I've been guarantor for kids when they were at uni, currently guarantor for GS on his student house. It's never occurred to me to discuss it, they have to live somewhere and if it goes wrong id pay it. I've got my own savings.

Hoppinggreen · 31/05/2025 15:50

TheignT · 31/05/2025 15:48

I've been guarantor for kids when they were at uni, currently guarantor for GS on his student house. It's never occurred to me to discuss it, they have to live somewhere and if it goes wrong id pay it. I've got my own savings.

If you have a Husband or long term partner you live with I assume you might have discussed it with them or at least mentioned it

category12 · 31/05/2025 15:51

If your partner only pays a small sum towards bills and you're not married and don't share assets, then not sure it would affect you if it went pear-shaped.

But if he can afford to be a guarantor, why isn't he paying his way properly, living with you?

AFrankExchangeofViews · 31/05/2025 15:55

I would expect to be informed. And yes it does have the potential to impact your credit rating. If his is tanked due to a financial commitment he can’t cover then yours will be impacted as you are partners with the same address. Not much of a partnership if you don’t share this basic info with each other is it. If you didn’t live together that’s different, but you do.

HotCrossBunplease · 31/05/2025 15:57

Your finances are separate, you said it yourself.

SoScarletItWas · 31/05/2025 15:58

Gundogday · 31/05/2025 15:44

Yes, I think there should have been a discussion. Even if you keep your finances separate, that’s a huge decision.

Out of curiosity, if his son doesn’t work, how is he going to afford the rent? Where is he living now?

Your dp will have needed to prove he could afford the rent also before being accepted.

Absolutely this. Son doesn’t work, so is DP going to be a guarantor (only paying in exceptional circumstances and temporarily) or is he, in fact, paying his DS’s rent full stop?

MummaMummaMumma · 31/05/2025 15:59

Your finances are separate, so nothing to do with you.

neilyoungismyhero · 31/05/2025 16:03

MummaMummaMumma · 31/05/2025 15:59

Your finances are separate, so nothing to do with you.

So when the DP has to fork out his son's rent every month and is no longer able to contribute in a decent way to the household then I would suggest it's very much the OP'S business.

Enrichetta · 31/05/2025 16:09

Son aged 35 doesn’t work (why?)

Partner only contributes a small sum towards the bills (no rent?!!)

Do you see a pattern here at all?

(Are you familiar with the concept of cocklodgers…)

notatinydancer · 31/05/2025 16:15

FirstThing · 31/05/2025 15:17

It wouldn't affect my home or credit references etc though, would it?

Show quote history

Not if you don’t have any joint accounts.

notatinydancer · 31/05/2025 16:16

AFrankExchangeofViews · 31/05/2025 15:55

I would expect to be informed. And yes it does have the potential to impact your credit rating. If his is tanked due to a financial commitment he can’t cover then yours will be impacted as you are partners with the same address. Not much of a partnership if you don’t share this basic info with each other is it. If you didn’t live together that’s different, but you do.

its not the address it’s the person.

Jellyrols · 31/05/2025 16:18

Yes he should have.
So he lives off you and doesn't feel even basic courtesy is necessary.
I'm sorry OP, but you are clearly a soft touch.

wobblybrain · 31/05/2025 16:18

How is the son going to pay rent without a job?

Bananalanacake · 31/05/2025 16:20

If the son doesn't work is he claiming disability benefits, please don't tell me he's a healthy adult who can't be bothered to work and expects others to provide for him.