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Original poster

New Widow having an affair with good friend

59 replies

lurcher4 · 30/05/2025 16:38

Hi, all, I'm new here, I lost my hubby 5 months ago, I tried to wake him, i thought he was having a lie in, but he had died un his sleep due to a brain bleed, he was only 45,
Now I've started an affair with my close married friend who lives next door, we had an affair year's ago whilst I was single, I never cheated on my hubby, I never would have, but now I'm completely obsessed with this married man again, he's constantly watching me and makes every effort just to see me through the window,
I don't understand what the hell I'm doing, my head is just full of him,
I know it's wrong etc but I can't get my thoughts right at the moment.

OP posts:
MiracleCures · 08/06/2025 10:50

Notsosure1 · 08/06/2025 10:44

This is not your fault, it is 100% his. You’re grieving, you’re in a terrible place, you’re not responsible for your actions.

You what??! Are you serious? The woman was shagging him before she even had a husband to grieve - while he was married to someone else - what was her excuse then? Pre-widow’s fire?

She’s not responsible for her actions?

So where’s the line? Theft? Assault? Murder?

Ridiculous - it’s not a get out of jail free card. This is presumably why women get avoided and shunned by other women when they lose their partners and husbands - this expectation that they are suddenly gagging for it with anyone who shows them any kind of attention or kindness - and it’s not their fault.

Bloody hell - don’t expect any invites to dinner parties or other get-togethers for the forseeable, ladies, as you clearly won’t be able to control yourselves if any men-folk are there, but again, it isn’t your fault.

Married ladies who agree with this sentiment - if OP was to shag your husband - would you be fine with it bc she’s not responsible for her actions as she’s blinded by this mythical but obviously legitimate widows fire?

Show quote history

Agree. Even when we are grieving we can still behave well. It's not some free pass to go shagging other people's husbands.

witwatwoo · 08/06/2025 10:50

Rage bait - I’ll be surprised if op comes back

whitewineandsun · 08/06/2025 10:52

MiracleCures · 08/06/2025 10:50

Agree. Even when we are grieving we can still behave well. It's not some free pass to go shagging other people's husbands.

Show quote history

Honestly this. What are you doing?!

MiracleCures · 08/06/2025 10:55

witwatwoo · 08/06/2025 10:50

Rage bait - I’ll be surprised if op comes back

Quite possibly. But it's fascinating that people are keeping to assure op (real or imagined) that she is doing nothing wrong. It says a lot about their own moral compasses

Tartanboots · 08/06/2025 10:58

You need some time and space to grieve in peace OP. Can you put some distance between yourself and this opportunistic man?
Move away, stay with family for a bit, new full on job out of the house, look for a single man for a bit of fun?
If you get found out life will get even more difficult for you. Don't shit on your own doorstep.

Flatbellyfella · 08/06/2025 11:15

You have made a massive mistake allowing this to happen, wrecking another woman’s marriage, which will happen when the truth comes out. The scumbag cheating husband has no respect for anyone he drags down. There are thousands of single men out there that you can fill your sexual needs with, giving no one grief.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 08/06/2025 11:20

Feelingdownbutnotout · 30/05/2025 16:46

I'm really sorry about your DH.

This man you are having an affair with isn't your friend. He is taking advantage of you when you are really vulnerable.
I lost my DH very suddenly and I know how it knocks you for six mentally.

So this married neighbour is behaving disgracefully to you and to his wife.
You should try and step back from this relationship.

Do you have any friends or family you could go and stay with to distance yourself from him, and who can support you?

Hits the nail on the head absolutely.

He really is taking advantage of your present vulnerability @lurcher4

4kids3pets · 08/06/2025 11:26

Some of the comments are so daft it's unbelievable, she knew this man also years ago, she would have gone with this man if she wasnt against cheating in a marriage, she took up with him once single and is now cheating with him still destroying another woman when she finds out. So all her I didn't want to cheat in a marriage but happy to ruin someone's is fake. Nothing to do with grief history with the guy and been coveting him while married without doing anything. Sorry about your other half passing but seriously your making a mess up for another woman

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 08/06/2025 12:13

@4kids3pets So you don't think the neighbour is taking advantage of a recently widowed emotionally vulnerable woman then?

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