How would this person ever afford their own place.

[Cheffymcchef]

I am writing this as the 30 year old daughter of two adults who plan to split. Before anyone asks why I still live with my parents, it’s not just a cost thing, I am disabled, have autism and epilepsy, have seizures and while I don’t work and am on ADP/PIP I volunteer - I am also looking for sheltered/some sort of housing and hand in money. My name is on the council list but I have no children. I have a boyfriend of a few years but we aren’t ready to live together yet.

anyway. I won’t go into masses of detail but my parents have had an unhappy marriage (cheating has been involved I found out age 13 and told my mum but they stayed together for me and sister who is NT and lives alone now)

They aren’t divorced. My dad is quite well off and earns around 70k a year. I’m not sure how much he has in savings but not enough to buy a house outright presumably. We live in a house bought for 210k in 2009 and the mortgage will be paid off in a few years. Dad is very tight/ doesn’t like spending money and is convinced mum will end up staying. The house is going to eventually be sold but basically the sale of the house won’t pay enough for my mum to live in her own place even if everything is split. My mum refuses to rent says it’s throwing money away. She’s on the housing list like me but doesn’t think she has much chance. She doesn’t have family who she wants to live with.

mum doesn’t have a job, just her pension. She doesn’t have a degree like dad and spent most of her life bringing me and my sister up. She’s done odd little jobs but not now. She’s in her late sixties. Dad late fifties.

dad would never willingly hand over her money if it meant she left him. He’s in denial.

I know she’d probably get half of everything in court but nothings being pressed forwards and I don’t know how long a court battle would take.

they both are kind of stagnating and I just want her to be happy. I know there’s not much I can do but is there any advice you’d offer her?

im also sad there’s no place for me if they both move away (my mum wants to move an hour or two away) as i dont want to move , but im aware thats inherintly selfish of me and thats why im looking at sheltered housing

I just want my mom to be happy. she seems so depressed stuck here. But then again so does dad sometimes, Thanks guys

She worked FT before she had me and my sister so maybe that’s why she’s entitled to it. I will have a look on RM x

Ok. I really don’t think there’s need for judgemental comments and the whole not being funny thing, I’m sure people would say the same about me not needing housing. This was just a post for friendly advice, I don’t know how it all works RE housing.

So the person who has paid for the house should get less than half! And just because someone earns 70k doesn’t mean they have loads of savings

Both their names are on the mortgage. I don’t know how much savings dad has.

Mortgage is paid from a joint account , obviously dad has put more money into the account as his salary goes there. My mum puts in what she can

Social housing seems to depend very much on where you live.
but from reading threads here for 18 months or so, over 55+ housing seems to be ' easier ' to find.

I recall a thread from well over a year ago, very different circumstances - a friend was concerned for her friend male who was 55ish and working, he was living in a bedsit and had problems ( can't remember the issues with the bedsit ) and the happy ending was he was offered and accepted a 55+ property somewhere in the Bristol-ish area.

Tbh I’m finding it odd you know so much about your parents finances. I think you should worry less about your mum and concentrate on your own housing needs . It’s not as easy as you may think just being able to move into supported living , there may be a waiting list or you may not have the offer of a place in a location you choose .

Ok well thanks for your encouragement.

me and my mum are close, especially the past few years and we talk about her and my dad moving.

im not saying i will bounce to the top of the waiting list right away nor do i expect to. I am simply on here to ask for constructive advice.

Nor do I think it will be easy , I also don’t expect to be able to choose where to live. I don’t understand these comments honestly.

As in, is there really a need to be cruel

My mum and my dad have both said I can live with them but obviously I don’t want to be a burden so I appreciate everyone who has offered constructive advice.

My DS is ASD/ Epileptic too and I wish I was able to offer some constructive advice, but sadly I can’t. However, I’d just like to wish you good luck, as what you are going through right now sounds incredibly stressful 🤗. I hope things improve for you soon.

I love the saying “ Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, then it’s not the end”. Take care of yourself.

Are they actually selling h the house and separating-I'm not quite sure?

They will need to house themselves if so, and if they can't afford to buy two separate houses or are too old to very another mortgage, will mean both renting something small.

I know people who end up just staying together even if it's not what either really wants, as it's easier/so much cheaper.

I do worry that’s what’s going to end up happening (your end bit) and essentially that’s at least partly why I am looking for my own place. I sound so selfish…sometimes I am told it helps having me there…but the atmosphere at home is awful. I just don’t want to leave my mum so depressed you know

Sorry to hear about your son, I hope he’s doing ok.

This and your Mum will get more than 50% of the house. Everything is considered eg her age, pensions, savings - everything. She needs a one bed retirement flat or to stay put. But legal advice is paramount.

Thankyou. I will let her know legal advice is important. Just to say I dunno if it’s relevant but she is NT. my dad is likely autistic but undiagnosed like me.

I am diagnosed I mean!

He didn’t pay for the house. THEY paid for the house by their equal contribution to their lives.

are you seriously harking back to the 1960s where the money belonged to the man with the big job and the little woman who stayed home to raise the children, one being disabled and who went back to work part time doesn’t deserve to have shared ownership of their assets?

and she would get more potentially because they decided together that she would stay home and thus diminish her earning capacity and at her age her ability to earn more is minimal whereas he still has 7 years to get to her age where he will still be earning.

It is an official split, as in separate bedrooms, my mum saying firmly they aren’t together, repeatedly telling dad they’re split.

there is also some mildly abusive behaviour….not physical, but the one who cheated has twice gone through the other one’s phone and often thinks they are out meeting other people. They aren’t- however they’d have a right to if they wanted to as they have split

I would constitute it as abusive but neither of them do so I don’t know

All the money from my dad goes into the joint account apparently and I have heard mum saying “we have more money than we know what to do with” and him in silence

Some housing associations for older people will consider homeowners. OPs mother is unlikely to afford to buy a retirement property unless she gets a decent sum if they split. Many older homeowners won't raise enough from their current homes to buy specialist housing.

You can get some help from Quarriers. You say you’re in receipt of ADP, assume you’re in Scotland. Quarriers do brilliant work in Scotland, and can help you navigate your next steps.

yes I’m in Scotland. I’ve actually had a look and they don’t offer any services in the area of Scotland I’m in.