Do I carry on dating this guy.. help.

[yeahokayyythen]

I've been dating a guy for the last 3 months, I've not noticed any red flags at all. At times when I'm dating or in a relationship I can start feeling anxious about things but with him I've not felt like that, he's been consistent from the start, he seems lovely, and he communicates well. We see eachother around once or twice a week, no talks of a relationship yet.

I follow him on Instagram he barely uses it only follows a few people, a lot of guys I've come across follow a massive amount of women which ends up putting me off so to see that was refreshing for me.

Last week I searched him up on X (used to be called twitter) his profile was made about 4 years ago, he follows 130 people, all pornstars/ OF girls. I thought maybe it was an old profile so tried to forget about it. This might sound weird, but the last two nights I've searched for the profile, he unfollowed 2 people the other night, tonight he's followed another. So this account is clearly active. I know we're not in a relationship but I don't know how to feel about this? I'm surprised he actually used his real full name on the account. And it's public. No tweets or likes. Just following women.

What are peoples thoughts on this?

That would be an instant no from me I'm afraid

Is it definitely him?

I mean it’s a bit stupid of him to do it under his real name but men do like porn etc

I mean it’s a bit stupid of him to do it under his real name but men do like porn etc

Well it is his full name. I think it most likely is

I thought the same. Fancy using his actual name, and the account is public. I don't really have a problem with porn, but I just find this icky. With it being public too.

Would you mention it when calling things off? Or just say it's not going to work or something.

How common is his name?

Try googling his name and seeing if other people come up.

If it's him, I'd dump him for that.

If it's not him, it's be a shame to get it wrong!

His last name isn't very common. Another Twitter account comes up but it's from 2018 he actually has a photo on that one and looks like a normal account. This one is clearly just his wanking account, no photos no tweets on there but uses his full name lol.

If I end things do you think I should mention it and say that it's put me off? Or just make up an excuse that it's not working for me. We aren't actually official so he could try and say oh we're not even in a relationship.

It's really annoying as I do really like him, I know if time goes on and I do see the account is active it might start making me feel insecure about myself.

You need to be really sure it's him. It's unusual to have a very low activity account like Insta and a higher activity on another platform. Just X for only porn stars is very unusual. Some mingled in amongst other non porn stars maybe not that unusual, but this is weird, tbh

Can you ask him.....
Or am I being naive and out of touch😀

I'm not sure with it being still early days I'd feel a bit daft mentioning it. He could just say it's not him lol, I really wish it wasn't. He's a bit of a nerd, he's into gaming, anime that kind of stuff and some of the girls he follows are those sort of accounts but porn accounts if that makes sense.

Yeah that would be a massive no from me.
My now fiance had one person he followed that was posting all porn practically every other day (i was looking for one of our gamer friends twitter accounts and couldn't remember their username but knew he followed them so was looking at his following list trying to find them) and i freaked out internally but tried calmly asking why. (No accusation, just an um, i noticed you're following this woman who is posting quite explicit frequent pornographic content) Turns out she is a big Dr Who nerd and former gaming streamer and he followed years ago before she started doing porn and just never updates his following list as he only goes on there occasionally. (Which i know to be true) Immediately deleted her, apologised, and genuinely got upset at what i must have thought seeing it as he's not that kind of guy. One account totally reasonable explanation, but 130? That is intentional and I'm not able to compete with those type of ladies and i'd be crushed and madly insecure.

If it bothers you then stop seeing him. If you're okay with him following OF girls etc then carry on. It really is as simple as that. Things that bother you now will be amplified if you get more serious in the future.

are you 100% its him?

Just remember @yeahokayyythen you don't owe him any explanation. You've only known him a matter of weeks. No need to get into any detail conversation where he might start denying or obfuscating.

there are plenty of men out there, you don't need a sleazeball like him.

Dump. Whether you tell him why is up to you. As I’ve got older, I’ve got more enthusiastic about calling out men’s shit behaviour, but can see why you wouldn’t.

if you feel the need to do this level of investigation your gut is telling you something.

follow your instincts. Just end it.

I would ask him if it’s him first. I have a really unusual first name in that in over 50 years I have never met anyone in person with my first name - but google my full name and I find people on Facebook etc with my exact name.

I don't understand this. This is a three month relationship where you've been seeing each other a couple of times a week. Why do you say it's not a relationship? Do you just meet up for sex? Do you meet each other's friends? I don't get it, I'm older and when I was younger the world was very different!

Ask him about it? Tell him how you feel about porn etc, that you feel you can’t compete with those women.. Perhaps he’s ignorant about women’s issues around porn and needs a word in his ear.. and uses it as his fantasy world.. which he needs to move on from if he wants a relationship with you..

I’d ask. Say he popped up as someone you might know and go from there