Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I carry on dating this guy.. help.

35 replies

yeahokayyythen · 28/05/2025 00:07

I've been dating a guy for the last 3 months, I've not noticed any red flags at all. At times when I'm dating or in a relationship I can start feeling anxious about things but with him I've not felt like that, he's been consistent from the start, he seems lovely, and he communicates well. We see eachother around once or twice a week, no talks of a relationship yet.

I follow him on Instagram he barely uses it only follows a few people, a lot of guys I've come across follow a massive amount of women which ends up putting me off so to see that was refreshing for me.

Last week I searched him up on X (used to be called twitter) his profile was made about 4 years ago, he follows 130 people, all pornstars/ OF girls. I thought maybe it was an old profile so tried to forget about it. This might sound weird, but the last two nights I've searched for the profile, he unfollowed 2 people the other night, tonight he's followed another. So this account is clearly active. I know we're not in a relationship but I don't know how to feel about this? I'm surprised he actually used his real full name on the account. And it's public. No tweets or likes. Just following women.

What are peoples thoughts on this?

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 28/05/2025 07:34

healthybychristmas · 28/05/2025 06:49

I don't understand this. This is a three month relationship where you've been seeing each other a couple of times a week. Why do you say it's not a relationship? Do you just meet up for sex? Do you meet each other's friends? I don't get it, I'm older and when I was younger the world was very different!

Agree with this. I don’t get the concept of seeing someone for 3 months not not yet in a relationship.
Surely you’re either together or not

Om83 · 28/05/2025 07:54

I think you can ask him- it’s not like you are snooping- it’s all public! It’s quite a reasonable thing to look up the person you’re dating these days I would have thought?? If he wanted to hide it he could have made up a profile name. Just say you didn’t realise he was into girls like that?? Depending on his response then decide whether it makes you uncomfortable or ok with it.

MsDDxx · 28/05/2025 07:58

brightandbeautiful89 · 28/05/2025 00:42

I mean it’s a bit stupid of him to do it under his real name but men do like porn etc

This.

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if everything was going well.

mommatoone · 28/05/2025 08:07

Why wouldn't he have an account with his own name? He can post or view whatever he likes, as long as it's not illegal. Hes not hiding anything is he. Whether you are happy with this is a matter for you OP.

PoliteRaven · 28/05/2025 08:33

"he unfollowed 2 people the other night, tonight he's followed another. So this account is clearly active."

It might not be active but his followers/ followed numbers might fluctuate due to accounts going dormant/ being reactivated. 4 ish years ago - possibly he started it during lockdown due to boredom etc. I mean, it would put me right off. If you're sure it's a sufficiently uncommon name and this account shares interests with your beau....sounds too coincidental to not be him, though I don't know how popular anime is?

littlepinkbow · 28/05/2025 08:46

Don’t bother me in the slightest. It’s social media, people he has never met and never will meet. It’s fantasy and nothing more.

As for using it for wanking material, there are far better and far easier ways for a guy to get off to online.

I’d ask to follow him on X ( make an account if you don’t have one ) to check its definitely his account first of all , if it is, then have a calm conversation with him and explain how it’s making you feel.

Also, if you don’t believe you are in a relationship with him then in theory he is free to do whatever he likes when he’s not with you.

Bananalanacake · 28/05/2025 09:12

I've never heard of a 'wanking account ' but I can guess what it is. I would definitely do the slow fade.

BuckChuckets · 28/05/2025 09:24

CurlewKate · 28/05/2025 06:40

Dump. Whether you tell him why is up to you. As I’ve got older, I’ve got more enthusiastic about calling out men’s shit behaviour, but can see why you wouldn’t.

This 👏🏼

starrybee · 28/05/2025 21:03

The recent follows/unfollows don't definitely indicate he's still using the account... if an account he was following had deactivated the number would drop, similarly if they reactivated it would go up again without him logging in. Even if that is the case it's still grim he ever had one at all of course

StellaAndCrow · 29/05/2025 07:21

Is he definitely following them, rather than them following him? I've got a twitter account in a not-obviously-female name, and lots of my notifications are of porn-type accounts (probably bots) following me i.e. the profile pic is a "scantily clad young woman" :)

If I don't access my account for months, then go back to it, I'll have many new followers all of this type.

It would be very unusual in my experience to have a twitter account using your full name just for looking at porn pics.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread