My boyfriend thinks I’m lazy

[Blu22]

I just graduated college and I’m finding it really difficult to navigate everything now that I’m really out there in the real world. I dont have a car which I’m stressed about because no serious job is going to hire me without a reliable way to get to and from work. I feel lost and overwhelmed because I need money (my family and I have always struggled with money) and want to progress in life but I feel stuck. In having a partner you would think you should be able to go to them for advice and support when you are feeling down, but not mine. My boyfriend (just turned 20) and me (about to turn 22), work at McDonald’s together currently. He didn’t go to college on account that he thinks it’s a waste of time so he has worked at our McDonald’s full time for a while. I had been going back and forth from college to work weekends because I was a full time student but I was trying to get at least some money to help my family out with rent. Made about 230$ a week which I never saw a cent of because it all went to my mother for rent which he would never understand (we are not as well off as he is…my mother works 3 jobs to make ends meet). I have really been feeling the pressure of post college life and I tried talking to him about it but he was completely unsupportive. Basically saying they I’m lazy and that me not having a car or money is my fault because I “don’t want to work”. For some context hours at our McDonald’s are high so my boss was only scheduling me for one day a week so i haven’t been making a lot lately. But according to him that’s my fault and I’m lazy for not having 2-3 jobs. To him I am also being dramatic because I need to learn about the real world and I need to grow up, I’m being a baby (this coming from someone who is 2 years younger than me). I already feel like a failure because I am having trouble finding a job in my career due to a lack of car, and I feel like I’m letting people down and he just made me feel 100x worse. Him saying that I’m lazy and don’t want to work really hurt me because right now, that’s all I want to do. I have absolutely no control over when or how often my boss schedules me but again according to my partner that’s my fault too because I could just get a second job. For context I only graduated college a week and a half ago and I feel like he wants so much out of me. I just want him to respect me as a person and understand that I’m trying my hardest right now to progress in my life but he can’t see that, all he sees is a lazy piece of crap. I have applied to 5 jobs in the field I studied in college but all of them dont want to hire me because I dont have a car. Idk I guess that this is my mistake for thinking that I could seek support from my boyfriend. Am I wrong? Do I need to have 2-3 jobs right now? Am I lazy? He’s so adamant about his stance on this that I’m starting to think maybe I am the problem. I don’t know.

all he sees is a lazy piece of crap.

He sounds like a peach. Go forth, date and enjoy yourself.

Good partners support and encourage. They don’t put you down. They might tell you home truths when you need them but that’s not what I’m seeing from what you’ve described. I think you should discuss your feelings with him and if he still doesn’t get it and make an effort then move on. Plenty of fish…

Yes he doesn’t sound supportive and also he hasn’t been in your situation so take what he says with a pinch of salt.

I also suspect you won’t be together very long as he doesn’t sound that kind or helpful but also because your paths are going to diverge significantly if you get a graduate job.

That said, if you’re able to work full-time now - you should, because you need more money and you need a car . Even if working more hours involves getting another job - and make it a priority to save up for your car.

I’m assuming you’re in the U.S. and in an area where there is poor public transport and people are reliant on cars so you should make an effort to sort out a car if it’ll get you a job.

Yeah he’s not nice to you . Leave him he’s not worth it.
Try to secure more hours working (at another job bonus being you get away from your bf) and try to save for a car . Don’t worry about the future just yet you have plenty of time to think long term, for now focus on the short term.
Leaving college is a scary time as you no longer have the security of knowing your current plan is getting an education.

Op, after a week and a half, he is being ridiculous. It sounds like he wants to push you to work full time in McD's because then you will be at the same level as him. When you find your graduate job and earn 10 times what he does, I suspect he won't cope well with that. He sounds dismissive, disrespectful and a bit of a bully.

For now, compromise. You've applied for 5 jobs in 10 days. That's good. Keep going with the job applications. Stop worrying about not having a car. Get a graduate job first. Depending on where it is, once you have a contract, you can rent a room closer to work or on a bus route. Millions of people work successfully without having a car.

At the same time look for a second job, maybe a weekend job that will bring you in a bit more money, and that you could continue with when you start your graduate job, to help you get established.

DO NOT GIVE UP ON FINDING A GRADUATE JOB. Ignore your knob of a boyfriend. You will get there.

Good luck xx

Please dump this useless piece of trash.
he has no business calling you lazy.
does he have a college degree? Sounds to me like he’s trying to keep your self esteem down so you don’t realize what a loser he is.

please please please dump him. Don’t stick with someone who can talk to you so disrespectfully.

You sound like you’ve got a bit of an inertia to be honest. maybe he’s calling it lazy.

How are you losing out on jobs because you don’t have a car? That means someone is saying right we could offer you a job but you’re saying oh but I don’t have a car. When presumably you could instead say I anticipate having one sorted out by Saturday, even if that’s not the case, and then when you do get a job, you could emergency sort one out?!?!

He's a nasty twat & doesn't deserve one more minute of your time. Leave him or he will drag you down.

Congratulations on your graduation. Some excellent advice upthread, I mainly came on here to say well done and don't forget to be proud of yourself!

Please break up with him. In five years time he'll have worked out that maybe ditching college wasn't the best move after all, but will be stuck in a rut at McDonalds. You'll be earning more money, meeting new, interesting and ambitious people. This will make him feel insecure, and he will not like it.

Honestly, you sound like somebody a mother would be so proud of. I wish you all the luck for your future.

Get rid of the boyfriend.
Find a car.
Find a job.
Live your life!! X

Dump the boyfriend.

He is putting you down because your prospects are better than his so he's got to make you feel like crap not to see that.

You finished your studies a week and a half ago, give yourself some credit and a bit of time!

How come potential jobs are asking about cars? It's not their business how you get to work as long as you get there. Just fucking lie, OP, if it's the only thing stopping you getting work. You can find a way to get to a job and sort out a car later.

But first order of business, dump the negging bf.

Do yourself a favour and get rid if this boyfriend.

He's negging you because in a few years he will still be working at Macca's and you will be doing better for yourself. You are taking steps towards a better future. This is not good partner behaviour, he should be your biggest cheerleader or he simply isn't it.
Times are hard for you right now but you will get there, just please don't let this twat bring you down in the meantime.

Wow he sounds like a keeper! 🙄. Leave him, maybe focus on yourself for a while, experience the real world now you’ve left education. The real world is stressful enough without someone weighing you down and making you feel small.

Dump. Him.

Firstly congratulations graduating - well done you, you should be proud of yourself. You are obviously not lazy otherwise you wouldn't have achieved a degree. What are your plans for your future career now that you've graduated?

It sounds like you need to think about getting another job to go alongside your job with McDonalds while you think about your future. In the meantime you could claim Universal Credit to top up your current income & then be in a position to help your mum financially - even if it's only £20 a week, it would help her.

I'm sorry if it sounds patronising, and please be assured that I don't intend it that way, but you & your BF are very young. It's highly likely that you will find that this relationship isn't working & that you will have several others before you meet the right person to spend your life with. Very few people stay with the same person who they met in their late teens/early twenties, though, I acknowledge some do.

If you were my GD (I have 7 GC, the oldest is 15) I would be advising you to concentrate on yourself and your future. By all means continue your relationship with BF, but please be aware that he doesn't seem to be going anywhere career-wise, whereas you have the potential to go very far.

I hasten to say that I'm not at all suggesting that your BF isn't as intelligent as you just because he chose not to go to Uni. My DH doesn't have a degree but ran a very successful business. I have a Masters & am currently working on my PhD. 3 out of our 4 of our children are graduates.

I suspect that your BF is jealous of you and of your achievements & is seeking to bring you down. Don't let him.

Good luck to you - follow your dreams & don't let anyone drag you away from them.

PS - it helps people to read something if you use paragraphs, but I'm sure you've been told that. 😉

Why are you with this idiot?
Dump him and get on with your life.

Don't tell your job possibilities that you don't have a car, and get an offer. Consider an ebike for now if you truly cannot get a car.
10 days is nothing. You are doing great. Keep applying.
Definitely ditch the boyfriend, he is being toxic and undermining, and you need to have forward momentum and confidence, which you deserve!

Do you see yourself with him for the rest of your life, being treated like crap by a loser? No? Then get rid now ffs!

I'm sorry, just re-read your original post. I'd missed the bit about applying for 5 jobs, but lack of a car is hampering your applications.

Do you have a driving licence? Does your mum have a car that you could borrow occasionally should it be necessary for the job?

If a car is a requirement for the job your employer should supply one, or at least, have a scheme whereby you can buy one on 'terms' (eg: the cost taken out of your salary every month). If your mum has a car that you could, in theory, borrow, you can tell your potential employers that you don't have a car of your own ATM as you've only just graduated, but that you could borrow your mum's should it be needed occasionally, and will be looking at buying one once you have a regular income.

I don't know what kind of job that you're looking for, but the Civil Service have a fast track scheme for graduates and are currently recruiting lots of people in DWP counter fraud dept. It might give you a base & competencies from which to move into other jobs even if you decide not to stay in the Civil Service.

Rather think she's in the US cos of the dollars and dire need of car.

Does he have a car?
Were you expecting him to actually support you (giving you lifts) or just be emotionally supportive?

Sounds like he's not going to do either.
While you apply for jobs in your field, can you find another hospitality job with better hours than at Mc? And then dump him when you don't have to see him at work anymore.

Just don’t be with someone who is so critical and mean to you. Your partner isn’t this person. The right person helps you be the best version of yourself. He doesn’t insult you.

He doesn’t make you happy, so why stay with him? A good partner should support you and be on your side, not criticise and belittle you. I’d dump him.

Don't ever move in with him, he would bleed you dry.