My boyfriend thinks I’m lazy

[Blu22]

I just graduated college and I’m finding it really difficult to navigate everything now that I’m really out there in the real world. I dont have a car which I’m stressed about because no serious job is going to hire me without a reliable way to get to and from work. I feel lost and overwhelmed because I need money (my family and I have always struggled with money) and want to progress in life but I feel stuck. In having a partner you would think you should be able to go to them for advice and support when you are feeling down, but not mine. My boyfriend (just turned 20) and me (about to turn 22), work at McDonald’s together currently. He didn’t go to college on account that he thinks it’s a waste of time so he has worked at our McDonald’s full time for a while. I had been going back and forth from college to work weekends because I was a full time student but I was trying to get at least some money to help my family out with rent. Made about 230$ a week which I never saw a cent of because it all went to my mother for rent which he would never understand (we are not as well off as he is…my mother works 3 jobs to make ends meet). I have really been feeling the pressure of post college life and I tried talking to him about it but he was completely unsupportive. Basically saying they I’m lazy and that me not having a car or money is my fault because I “don’t want to work”. For some context hours at our McDonald’s are high so my boss was only scheduling me for one day a week so i haven’t been making a lot lately. But according to him that’s my fault and I’m lazy for not having 2-3 jobs. To him I am also being dramatic because I need to learn about the real world and I need to grow up, I’m being a baby (this coming from someone who is 2 years younger than me). I already feel like a failure because I am having trouble finding a job in my career due to a lack of car, and I feel like I’m letting people down and he just made me feel 100x worse. Him saying that I’m lazy and don’t want to work really hurt me because right now, that’s all I want to do. I have absolutely no control over when or how often my boss schedules me but again according to my partner that’s my fault too because I could just get a second job. For context I only graduated college a week and a half ago and I feel like he wants so much out of me. I just want him to respect me as a person and understand that I’m trying my hardest right now to progress in my life but he can’t see that, all he sees is a lazy piece of crap. I have applied to 5 jobs in the field I studied in college but all of them dont want to hire me because I dont have a car. Idk I guess that this is my mistake for thinking that I could seek support from my boyfriend. Am I wrong? Do I need to have 2-3 jobs right now? Am I lazy? He’s so adamant about his stance on this that I’m starting to think maybe I am the problem. I don’t know.

He sounds horrible. Time for a change.

I see a couple of different issues here.

Firstly - your boyfriend sounds deliberately unkind. You could try having a little space from him to see if you actually feel better single.

Secondly - you need to up your income so that you can buy a car and improve your job prospects. You could try proactively calling all the businesses within walking/bus distance of your home, see if you can get some hours there. Does your mum have a car, is there any way you can share? Any chance you could work with her for a bit to help you save?

Thirdly - finances being tight at home. This sounds so stressful. Can you have a grown up conversation with your mum about budgeting, how much you can contribute which will also allow you to get a car?

Well done on graduating college, and good luck for the future - you’ll get there!!

Thank you, I have always liked writing. I have been passionate about my writing all throughout my schooling. These days I find it tough though. More of a task than an enjoyable activity if that makes sense.

But what are you going to do about the boyfriend? Ditch him and find the time to write.

He sounds like an unsupportive dickhead. But why do you need a car to work? I’ve worked for 40 years in three different countries and never driven. I do realise it can be impossible In some places, but I always found a way around it. In my opinion you’ve done much better than your horrible boyfriend, college will stand you better than working in Maccas, not that there is anything wrong with that either. It sounds to me like he is jealous of your education and wants you to stay working on his level, don’t stop applying for grad jobs!

A) he sounds awful and you need to put him in the bin

B) what's the obsession with having a car to be able to work? I'm in my 40s and don't drive, and have had a number of professional, well-paid jobs.

Your BF isn't worth listening to or staying with.

A week and a half after graduation means you finished studying a week and a half ago or six months ago (a lot of ceremonies are later)? He may have a small point if it's been months (not that you're lazy but) that you need to take some action to improve your situation. If McDonald's isn't giving you enough shifts, you should now think about moving to another job.

Jobs won't always ask about your transport situation. You could always say you have transport and try and get rides or borrow a car until you can afford one. It is a notoriously tough stage trying to transition to a proper job.

I don’t understand why a car is necessary. Your boyfriend doesn’t seem like he’s on your team, so you should ditch him. Boyfriends are supposed to like you.
That said he’s not wrong about everything. You need to look at what work you can get and save the money for a car if that’s what you need, that sounds perfectly reasonable to me in an interview to say I had to work enough to buy a car hence there’s a 6 month gap between graduating and this job. But you also should consider if you really need a car or if there are other options, slightly different jobs, buses.

I have a feeling the OP is in the US, so it's perfectly possible she does need a car as a priority to be get almost any job.

But yes to ditching the boyfriend, who sounds far more concerned with bringing the OP down to his level than anything else.

Do I need to have 2-3 jobs right now? Am I lazy?

Well, if you're only working one day a week and your mum is having to work 3 jobs as they have no money either, then I would say you need to be working as much as you can, yes.

I don't know if you're lazy or not. Your boyfriend doesn't sound particularly nice though.

What was your degree in? What jobs are you applying for?

Boyfriends aren’t compulsory op.

it’s quite simple - if they make your life nicer, have one; if they don’t, dont.

Are you in the states? Just as you said college rather than university and also think this makes a huge difference re needing a car to work (you probably do "need" a car to work in the states, except some really urban areas).

Anyway, he sounds pretty awful and unsupportive. I wouldn't stay with someone who put me down like that, especially at the early stages of the relationship.

But, if possible, you should be working more than did you say one day a week? If that means more jobs, so be it

He doesn't sound very nice at all.
Congratulations on graduating.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I bet your family are proud of you.
I would focus less on the self righteous boyfriend and instead find a job away from him.
Any job for now just to save for a car . And go from there.