Mum wants to sue me for defamation?

[ThatDenimExpert]

I have been talking to people, mainly professionals, to deal with my childhood abuse. My mother is adamant that she didn’t abuse me, and doesn’t know where my memories have come from, and has told me that if I tell anyone, she will sue me for defamation. I currently don’t have proof, but am currently in the process of applying to obtain my school, medical, and children’s social service involvement records from childhood. There’s likely to be missing evidence because it’s historical but I’m hoping there will still be something. Can she sue me if I tell people and don’t have evidence or can’t obtain it?

Who are you planning to tell? Your therapist would keep anything you say as confidential surely

Get therapy consider going lc or nc with dm and stop letting her control you

Agree. Previous posters are wrong on these. Defamation is the umbrella term for libel and slander.

Do you live with her @ThatDenimExpert?

Is that why she say the books on your bookshelf?

If you do library with her then I think you need to make some positive steps towards moving out and quickly.

If you don’t live with her then I think it’s time to stop her coming to your home of this us how she reacts.

OP reading between the lines basically you are in therapy due to a bad upbringing and now you have told your mum you realise her parenting was not up to standard and you realise it was abusive. You currently have a relationship with her and she feels that because of that you should pretty much put up and shut up and maybe due to the allegations of you citing abuse she is worried and saying she will sue. She i am sure, shes possibly hurt or annoyed this is coming to light now and without proof on either end nothing either of you can do and she is saying she will sue you to just scare you into not talking to anyone else about this. If you are in therapy then talk about it there but there is no sense in talking about it elsewhere if you are still in contact with your mother. Defamation is not an easy thing to prove nor disprove.

To give some perspective, I’m 100% sure that if I told my parents they were abusive to me as a child they would be heartbroken. They would try to talk to me about what I thought happened. It would break them and they would do what they could to try and talk it through and solve it.

This is because they are lovely and not abusive. Your mother is not looking good in this scenario. It’s kind of proving your point.

Firstly, I am sorry for the abuse you suffered as a child. I believe you.

There is a lot in this post that worries me OP - this situation sounds very febrile, and not one that is very safe for you at all in terms of emotional and mental wellbeing.

You seem to wish to make public (to your local community?) details of childhood abuse you suffered at the hands of your mother. While you have a right to speak your truth, I don't fully understand the details of what this public revelation will look like, and I would strongly urge you to speak it through with a counsellor with experience in working with abuse survivors, or similar, as ANY form of revelation of past abuse is sadly fraught with danger (you may not be believed, sadly may be blamed, etc) - this is true even when revealing historic abuse to a limited circle such as close family members. So publishing it as widely as you seen to intend to, the risks are magnified greatly. I am not saying it's the wrong choice for you necessarily, but it's one that needs to be taken carefully and with your eyes wide open.

To add to this, you also appear to be trying to conduct a positive relationship with your abuser, while planning the publish the details of her abuse. Unless she had done a vast amount of work in terms of accepting fault, making reparation etc, it's highly unlikely that this could ever go smoothly - it would be a rare abuser who happily allowed details or the abuse they had committed to become public knowledge. Are you hoping your relationship with her can continue even after the revelation? Without massive intervention from mediators etc, I really don't see how it can.

Thirdly, you seem convinced that the records you request will have had large chunks redacted when they reach you. To me this suggests you fear your mothers' (and any other abusers'?) power and influence to be extremely wide ranging, if they can organise and arrange evidence of their crimes to be destroyed..... Either you are currently somewhat unwell and paranoid (no surprise if you have survived horrendous childhood abuse at the hands of someone you should have been able to trust,); or, if you are correct about the extent of your mom's powers you are right to think carefully about how to move forwards, and perhaps seek legal advice, if she is genuinely in a position to tamper with evidence (a very high ranking social worker or police officer for example).

It's all fraught with complexity, and you need and deserve a lot more help than Mumsnet and books on abuse can offer you. Have you made contact with any charities that support abuse survivors? If not, please ring one today. They should be able to help you unpick anything.

Take care of yourself. Safety first - physical and emotional.

Further to this, if anyone asks about the books or your childhood tell them you can’t really
discuss it as your mother threatens you with legal action. They will get the measure of her.

Where has the OP said about wanting to make details of the abuse public? They have said they are contacting organisations to get their own records etc, and have been talking to a therapist. It is the OP’s MOTHER who is worried that the OP wants to go public essentially.