Given the silent treatment and feeling horrible

[may2025]

I woke up in the night to a message from my partner of three years saying he wanted to ask me a really personal question and then when I asked what he said don’t worry about it
he has ignored me since then, I think it’s because a male he thinks I had an affair with liked a photo on Facebook
he keeps making references to me seeing this man because when I first met him, he was giving me a weird look because he saw something he didn’t like on my phone and I thought it was because he saw this man’s status update and whilst trying to explain it came across as shady in my panic
this was three years ago and he still questions me
I have never had anything to do with the neighbour I just used to walk with sometimes with his dog seven years ago
now I feel sick anxious and stressed

I think you need to ask him to be frank with you. Your relationship won’t work with mistrust and a lack of communication- both lacking here…

That sounds really stressful and upsetting. You've tried to explain yourself, and it seems like he's still holding onto something from years ago, which isn't fair.
The silent treatment can be really hurtful, especially when you're left guessing. If he has concerns, he should talk to you properly, not ignore you.
Feeling anxious and sick over this isn't okay. You deserve to feel safe and trusted in your relationship.
Hope you're looking after yourself.

Why are you in this relationship with someone who is baselessly suspicious of you and makes you feel sick and stressed?

Frankly, it sounds to me as if the neighbour with the dog might be a nicer boyfriend.

I mean this kindly.
You use the words panic, sick, anxious and stressed, you do realise that a healthy relationship doesn't make you feel like that?
He's got you tied up in a knot, you can't prove something that you haven't done, he'll keep accusing you and punishing you for something you haven't done.
You deserve better

Sounds like gaslightjng to me wants you to stress and wonder what he wants to ask ? And chase him to find out ...leave him alone until he is adult enough to have a proper conversation not random text in the night.

It’s completely irrational on his behalf, I have explained myself so many times, I hardly ever go out anywhere, this particular man he thinks I had an affair with before I met him is significantly younger than me

The silent treatment is abusive, and accusing you of affairs is another favourite tactic of abusers.

Chances are this is one of many ways he has been abusing and controlling you over the years. Otherwise you wouldn't be feeling so anxious. Do you spend a lot of time walking on eggshells?

You need to dump him. That's a .massive red flag. End of.

In your own words op, you are panicked, sick, anxious and stressed as a result of this relationship.

relationships aren’t mandatory.

why (and I’m not being goady, rather just want you to self reflect) are you wanting these feelings? Do you enjoy them?

Do you not go anywhere because he'll be difficult about it?

Him isolating you and limiting your freedom is a classic thing abusers do.

Your partner shouldn't make you feel sick or stressed. Tine to move on OP.

I think I am scared of being on my own again as bit by bit I have stopped going out and stopped seeing friends not because I am with him but I just don’t have any energy left

thinks I had an affair with before I met him

Did he have any relationships before you?
Whether you were involved with this man or not is irrelevant.
It pre-dates him.

@LadyHexhamhe thinks I have lied to him about it
I just think he has ground me down bit by bit

I think I have made myself small to please him and he isn’t that nice anymore

Well, if your energy is being consumed by a fairly toxic-sounding relationship , you’re unlikely to have much left to socialise with. You’ll get your bounce back once you ditch him and remember it’s possible to live without sulking, suspicion and the silent treatment.

This isn't how you should feel in a good relationship.

Being with someone shouldn't shrink your world, shouldn't shrink you.

You don't have any any energy left because you're exhausted from the abuse and gaslighting he subjects you to. Being sick, stressed and anxious is no way to live. LTB.

Why waste your time with someone who makes you feel shit about yourself. If he wasn't in your life would you go out more often?
If you told him you're going out with work friends this Friday and going to a book club meeting every week how would he react?
I really hope you don't live with him.

We don’t thankfully and I have double locked it so he can’t let himself in
he would pretend to be okay with it but would then say that I am meeting another man

Leave him. Just leave him.

You need to get yourself out of this relationship. Tell him you want a break. That will at least give you space to realise how unhappy you are and how this is not sustainable. Then you can make the break permanent.

Oh my goodness, just quit with this awful male. He's a fake and a fraud.!!

He has done this to you op, and continues to. You can get your energy back, and your friends, but you’ll need to ditch this guy first.

You will never, ever be able to prove to his satisfaction that you are not a liar.

There is absolutely no point in continuing a relationship with someone who will never trust you, no matter what you do or say, and no matter how hard you try to persuade him otherwise. He will always use it as a stick to beat you with, and he will always believe you are a liar.

Please dump him. It will only get worse.

And when you do, it is 100% certain that he will say it's because you've been cheating on him all along and you've got another bloke lined up already.