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Original poster

Not enough texting?

42 replies

latetexter · 21/05/2025 19:12

Been seeing my new partner for 3 months, both 35. We have had a discussion about being exclusive but we haven't done the introductions to friends or family yet, just spending time together at the weekends and sometimes mid week.

We have a really great time together but when we are apart I feel really anxious that he doesn't like me enough. And that is down the fact he only texts me in the evening around 8pm. We both work full time but he has more time off than I do. I mentioned it to him and said if he is genuinely busy then that's fine, but he gets breaks at work and doesn't respond to my previous message from the previous evening (he tends to go to bed before me) So I end up waiting for his message which sometimes doesn't end up coming through until about 8pm, we have a couple of back and forth messages with me being the last to respond, he goes to bed and cycle continues the following night. We don't speak on the phone.

I had issues with my ex with him leaving me on read and it making me anxious when he was out and we have spoken about that, although not much. And I have mentioned that I like a text in the daytime but he still only messages me in the evening. Although in the first month when we were dating, he WOULD text me morning and daytime sometimes, although not everyday.

He does have a fairly responsible job but he does get a couple of breaks. I just don't understand why he isn't as keen to speak to me as I am to him... it's getting to the point where I feel I might have to break it off as I don't want to be with someone who 'just isn't into me'. Although speaking to a couple of friends they have said he probably feels more comfortable around me now and that he doesn't need to be in touch all the time. Not sure what to think.

OP posts:
Justchillinhere · 21/05/2025 19:29

I do believe this has been written before! He will text you when he wants to, not when you tell him to. Give him space

TwistedWonder · 21/05/2025 19:32

You understand he’s at work during the day? I never ever reply to messages when I’m at work and all my communication is done at home in the evening.

Sorry but you do sound very needy and unreasonable. You’ll push him away if you continue being so demanding.

Chill out - let his actions when your together show you how he feels.

S0j0urn4r · 21/05/2025 19:39

If you keep on like this he'll dump you. I would. Get some therapy to help with your anxiety.

Gonk123 · 21/05/2025 19:44

I think a good morning have a nice day text is not unreasonable but daytime texting is not always possible. Chill a bit on your expectations maybe…

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 21/05/2025 20:28

Kindly… step away from the texting! I’d be totally suffocated if someone expected texts from me morning, noon and night. Do you text your friends and family in this way? Just enjoy the time you’re together and put the phone down.

Loubelou71 · 21/05/2025 20:31

I've been with my partner a few years now and we rarely text during the day. I know I'll hear from him in the evening so I don't let it worry me.

itsmeits · 21/05/2025 20:36

This is a you issue not a him issue.
You said it yourself regarding your ex.
Your new partner is not your ex, try to separate them.

Original poster
latetexter · 21/05/2025 22:00

I think the problem is that I would expect him to be more excited about keeping in touch, we are only 3 months in, I am still at the stage of looking forward to and wanting to hear from him all the time and it appears he isn't anymore.

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 21/05/2025 22:13

It sounds like he is busy and you’re not- so you’re hanging on to his every text message.
Your neediness will probably push him away.

he’s a new boyfriend - not a partner . Your expectations are very intense and sound more like a teenager tbh .

Cynic17 · 21/05/2025 22:22

OP, most people couldn't live with this level of expectation. Real couples in real lives don't text each other throughout the day. Some of us rarely look at our phones, especially when we're working. Give this poor chap a break!

TwistedWonder · 21/05/2025 22:26

Sorry OP but you’re being ridiculously needy.

People have lives and even if they’re loved up, they’ve got a job, family, friends etc

Its absolutely unreasonable to judge him for not texting during his working day..

You're suffocating the poor bloke with unrealistic expectations.

It’s how teenagers think not grown adults.

As a PP said this is a you issue he’s doing nothing wrong

MeganM3 · 21/05/2025 22:35

While it is reasonable for him not to text you back at work etc when he is busy.. I think there is another possible scenario where he’s actually just not that keen?
3 months in it should all be exciting and new and he should want to hear from you and vice versa. Not just a half hour slot between 8pm and 8.30.

I’m a similar age and everyone is on their phones throughout the day. So the fact he doesn’t respond to you reasonably quickly is a bit off.

Is there a possibility that you are more interested in this relationship than he is?

Original poster
latetexter · 21/05/2025 22:43

MeganM3 · 21/05/2025 22:35

While it is reasonable for him not to text you back at work etc when he is busy.. I think there is another possible scenario where he’s actually just not that keen?
3 months in it should all be exciting and new and he should want to hear from you and vice versa. Not just a half hour slot between 8pm and 8.30.

I’m a similar age and everyone is on their phones throughout the day. So the fact he doesn’t respond to you reasonably quickly is a bit off.

Is there a possibility that you are more interested in this relationship than he is?

That is my whole concern yes, that I am more interested than he is.

We don't text for half an hour, we have a few texts from around 8pm until he goes to bed at 10:30. But in the very early days he would text me back either in the morning or lunchtime a lot where as now it is always in the evening only.

OP posts:
Fiery30 · 21/05/2025 22:50

Not hearing from someone for a whole day would irritate me too. It's always nice to have a good morning message. My date and I occasionally text each other during the day, just with a kiss emoji or something similar. I think it keeps the excitement and fun alive, especially in the early days. Perhaps share your thoughts, without any blame, when you next meet and see what he feels about it. Some people are just poor texters and there's nothing that can be done about it. It really depends on how much you are willing to compromise.

Dancingintherainxxx · 22/05/2025 00:56

If he wanted to, he would.

Stinkbomb · 22/05/2025 01:11

Hard work, much (you, I mean)

Renabrook · 22/05/2025 01:17

Being needy wil not end well you are not a child

SnowFrogJelly · 22/05/2025 01:18

Why don’t you call him

Stinkbomb · 22/05/2025 01:18

3 months in - @fiery30also - get a grip!
crikey, what are your jobs that you can be constantly looking at your phones, sending messages and expecting immediate replies.
give some breathing space - DH and I text each other randomly through some days, but don’t expect a reply; if he had got frustrated with me not replying within a shortish period of time (according to him) then I would have been straight out of there.
cant do with people trying to control me.

SnowFrogJelly · 22/05/2025 01:18

Renabrook · 22/05/2025 01:17

Being needy wil not end well you are not a child

Another MN pile on

BeJollyEagle · 22/05/2025 03:38

I’m probably like your BF. I don’t like texting loads. Even with friends and family. I also want to be able to give time and thought to texting unless it’s something not taxing like what I’m eating for dinner or talking about a book. I also can’t use my phone during work hours, and on my break I just want to eat and rest. Doesn’t mean I’m not into my partner or don’t like them. Talk to him about it but if that was my partner it would annoy me but I would try and make them feel more secure but I would have boundaries and still continue to text at the same rate.

Zanatdy · 22/05/2025 06:13

I dated someone like this. We are still in touch, and he still annoys me with him not replying for days. Yes he is busy with work and kids but it takes less than 30 seconds to reply. I agree it makes it appear like he’s not that keen. I used to love seeing his name pop up on my phone, and realised that he clearly didn’t feel the same.

User27563 · 22/05/2025 06:17

People like different amounts of texting.

In the earlyish days it would bother me too if there were long gaps before replying or if I didn't get a good morning or a good night.
I get that's not for everyone and that's fine but that's what I like and need.

It sounds like you're not very compatible and that's fine. I would think like you, that if he's not replying/texting then he's not thinking about you at all which doesn't feel very nice.

I would also feel he's not that into me as my other experiences of the new relationship energy is lots of texting and then reducing but still morning and goodnight at least.

It sounds like it's not making you happy in between seeing each other so I would consider ending it.

Fiery30 · 22/05/2025 21:44

Stinkbomb · 22/05/2025 01:18

3 months in - @fiery30also - get a grip!
crikey, what are your jobs that you can be constantly looking at your phones, sending messages and expecting immediate replies.
give some breathing space - DH and I text each other randomly through some days, but don’t expect a reply; if he had got frustrated with me not replying within a shortish period of time (according to him) then I would have been straight out of there.
cant do with people trying to control me.

Texting your husband who you live with and texting a guy you are dating are two totally stages of a relationship and there is no comparison. I never said that expecting immediate replies or texting all day is ok. I said it is odd not to hear from someone all day, not even a good morning message or something similar.

TipsyRaven247 · 22/05/2025 22:35

You better tone down your clinginess or else this guy will dump you in no time.