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Original poster

Girlfriend doesn't want to be touched after her mom died

35 replies

Rvh · 20/05/2025 01:38

I am in serious relationship with my girlfriend of 4 years. In the beginning there were a lot of issues I helped her overcome. Helped immensely financially to the point she moved in with daughter and a bunch of pets. Her parents were terrible according to her, all exes were horrible,ect. Fast forward 4 years, things are going well both working and in a band together , going great. Then outta the blue her mom dies who lives in Texas along with her dad and brother. Her and her daughter go and I am forced to remain home to take care of her pets, work. Etc. She ends up staying there for 1 1/2 months as her dad needs help and health problems. Comes back alone and daughter stayed . When she came back, she didn't want anything from me, Not to be touched , didn't want me comfort her,etc. The whole time her daughter, her friend would FaceTime her and was just happy and laughing and talk to them for 3 hours. But was emotionally empty . Mind you, there was never any discussion or sign that she was going to move to Texas and take care of her Dad. She was sorry for me, lmao. Life completely upended by this. I understand her duty of going to take care of her Dad. But until this, her parents were most terrible abusive parents ever and rarely spoke to them. Upon her return , her mother is now a. Angel and her and her dad are wonderful now. If she would had been remorseful or cared about leaving me to go do this everything would be different. She really doesn't want a long distance relationship and I was open to it. She says she loves me but still doesn't want anything emotional or physical .Any advise would be helpful.

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 20/05/2025 01:42

Oh dear - I think a natural reaction can be to withdraw as you absorb the shock but she's not thinking of you at all, is she?

It's like you're just there to take care of everything with disregard to your feelings. Do you think it's over now?

Original poster
Rvh · 20/05/2025 01:47

I just got back , meeting her half way to drop her dog off. She was still completely different , we hug, get along ,etc. But more friend than partner at this point . Really weird as anyone who knew us together ,knew how in love we were .

OP posts:
Springadorable · 20/05/2025 05:36

So she's effectively lost her mum and her daughter? And you're complaining that she's not the same as she was?!

A parent dying is incredibly traumatic, possibly more so when they have been abusive due to the confusion of feelings and emotions. You either need to break up or support her, but what you can't do is make this all about you.

Original poster
Rvh · 20/05/2025 07:38

Springadorable it's not like that at all. She moved with her daughter to her dad's. No discussion , no apologies, no feeling at all. Stay in your lane if you don't have anything constructive to say

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 20/05/2025 07:44

Grief is awful and impacts every one differently. The death of an abusive parent is such a huge shock. You can't change how she responded, you can decide how you respond now. Soundd like, in your view, she hasn't been treating you how you'd like. So it's probably time to end things.

BlahBlahBittyBlah · 20/05/2025 07:58

Rvh · 20/05/2025 07:38

Springadorable it's not like that at all. She moved with her daughter to her dad's. No discussion , no apologies, no feeling at all. Stay in your lane if you don't have anything constructive to say

I think Spring was making a very valid point that bereavement is traumatic and can change people in ways they don’t expect or understand. If she’s shut you out, there’s not much you can do other than let her go or give her time to process and see if she comes back. She doesn’t seem to want your support at the moment, so maybe she needs space. Or maybe this loss has made her reevaluate her life and now she wants different things.

Shuttered · 20/05/2025 08:02

Rvh · 20/05/2025 07:38

Springadorable it's not like that at all. She moved with her daughter to her dad's. No discussion , no apologies, no feeling at all. Stay in your lane if you don't have anything constructive to say

‘Stay in your lane’? That’s the level of aggression and dismissiveness you come back with when a total stranger takes the time to offer a perfectly sensible and thoughtful response to your dilemma?

Blueeyedmale · 20/05/2025 08:05

I think grief affects everyone in different ways I've lost both parents and I didn't want people hugging me and telling me everything is going to be ok I wanted to process it in my own time.

Let her know you are there for her but definitely give her time to come to terms with her loss if you feel like you can't give her time,in my honest opinion I think your being a bit impatient and expecting too much then maybe the relationship has run it's course

KarCat · 20/05/2025 08:11

Rvh · 20/05/2025 07:38

Springadorable it's not like that at all. She moved with her daughter to her dad's. No discussion , no apologies, no feeling at all. Stay in your lane if you don't have anything constructive to say

“Stay in your lane”
WTAF?
Why come on here asking for opinions then be so utterly dismissive when you get one?
Anyway the relationship is obviously over, maybe for her it has been for some time and her Mothers death was the catalyst she needed.

Original poster
Rvh · 20/05/2025 08:11

Blueeyedmale · 20/05/2025 08:05

I think grief affects everyone in different ways I've lost both parents and I didn't want people hugging me and telling me everything is going to be ok I wanted to process it in my own time.

Let her know you are there for her but definitely give her time to come to terms with her loss if you feel like you can't give her time,in my honest opinion I think your being a bit impatient and expecting too much then maybe the relationship has run it's course

Thank you, I was thinking same thing. And I have been supportive, help her in anyway possible . Just very hard to lose the person you love. Is she doing the right thing , absolutely . Just hard

OP posts:
LoyalMember · 20/05/2025 08:14

Springadorable · 20/05/2025 05:36

So she's effectively lost her mum and her daughter? And you're complaining that she's not the same as she was?!

A parent dying is incredibly traumatic, possibly more so when they have been abusive due to the confusion of feelings and emotions. You either need to break up or support her, but what you can't do is make this all about you.

You're right. Men are selfish pricks, and how dare they have feelings and emotions. What are they like, eh..?

SusanLittle76 · 20/05/2025 08:14

I would just let her know that you acknowledge how difficult a time it is for her and that you're there emotionally to support her when and if she is ready to open up. Recovery from childhood trauma can happen and a therapist could certainly help her to reach recovery mode and then get well. If she has low mood or depression maybe a CBT type approach could help her cope with the present. If she has any resentment towards you wrt her mum ( or supporting her dad) then that's a different matter and it may be curtains for the relationship unless resolved amicably. Life is full of personal choices and sometimes we just gotta accept that others have this right too and that we deserve to look in a new direction for happiness as much as they do.

CoughCoughLaugh · 20/05/2025 08:22

How old is her daughter that she left behind?

CleanShirt · 20/05/2025 08:24

Rvh · 20/05/2025 07:38

Springadorable it's not like that at all. She moved with her daughter to her dad's. No discussion , no apologies, no feeling at all. Stay in your lane if you don't have anything constructive to say

You sound lovely

DrDameKatyDeniseInExile · 20/05/2025 08:25

CleanShirt · 20/05/2025 08:24

You sound lovely

Show quote history

Absolute fucking mystery why the GF wants to get away isn’t it…

Springadorable · 20/05/2025 08:25

LoyalMember · 20/05/2025 08:14

You're right. Men are selfish pricks, and how dare they have feelings and emotions. What are they like, eh..?

Show quote history

The OP doesn't say if they are male or female.

CleanShirt · 20/05/2025 08:25

DrDameKatyDeniseInExile · 20/05/2025 08:25

Absolute fucking mystery why the GF wants to get away isn’t it…

Show quote history

The mind boggles!

Springadorable · 20/05/2025 08:26

Rvh · 20/05/2025 07:38

Springadorable it's not like that at all. She moved with her daughter to her dad's. No discussion , no apologies, no feeling at all. Stay in your lane if you don't have anything constructive to say

Ah. It's making more sense now why she's not trying to communicate with you.

SENNeeds2 · 20/05/2025 08:26

did she used to live in texas? i am sorry but I am wondering if she's had her head turned maybe an old flame and doesn't want to tell you.

Readytohealnow · 20/05/2025 08:26

I am like your girlfriend.
Since I lost my beloved gran and since one of my best friends devastated and utterly humiliated me 6 months ago, I feel traumatized and don’t like being touched. I just feel nothing. But I do care about my boyfriend and want to be with him. I wish I could fix it.

Womblingmerrily · 20/05/2025 08:28

"stay in your lane" - bloody hell you are rude.

Given that response it is very clear why she's rejecting you and I don't think anyone here will blame her.

How the hell do you think people are going to react when you come out with communication like that?

fruitbrewhaha · 20/05/2025 08:35

It sounds from your OP that you think because you helped out financially that she owes you. What did you mean by “she was sorry for me, lmao”?

Why would you by laughing?

angsty · 20/05/2025 08:41

@Rvh how incredibly rude and aggressive you are. I am sure she is better off without that energy in her life and that of her child. Maybe do some introspection?

angsty · 20/05/2025 08:53

And your OP is far from clear, you don't actually say that she has moved to Texas, it's all very opaque. I didn't get that info from your (quite muddled) first post at all.

Shuttered · 20/05/2025 09:06

angsty · 20/05/2025 08:53

And your OP is far from clear, you don't actually say that she has moved to Texas, it's all very opaque. I didn't get that info from your (quite muddled) first post at all.

Yes, absolutely. I thought I understood the OP to mean his girlfriend had spent six weeks in Texas with her daughter after her mother’s death, to look after her unwell father, but had now returned, though her daughter stayed on in Texas.

But actually, with the references to meeting her half way to hand over her dog, it sounds as if the girlfriend is planning to stay on in Texas with her father and daughter indefinitely.

In which case, OP, being clearer would have got you rather more sympathy. Your title is ‘Girlfriend doesn’t want to be touched after mom died’, whereas what has actually happened, as far as I understand it, is that your girlfriend moved to another state to look after her ailing father after her mother died, but never discussed the move with you and isn’t open to a LDR?

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