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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex wants to stay friends but he's moved on and I'm severely depressed

36 replies

Alicew00 · 19/05/2025 19:47

I've been really suicidal since thursday/friday when i found out my ex was seeing someone else. I broke it off when i caught him sexting other women 6 months ago. Yet he still wants to be friends because he doesn't have many and neither do i. He talked to me on friday night til i fell asleep as he was worried about me. I'm feeling better now after my sister said i need to move and get a fresh start. My house is in a bad state and the area is awful. So that's what I'm going to do. I just cant figure out if i should be friends with him. He's the only person who bothers to keep checking im ok.

OP posts:

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 19/05/2025 19:49

The more you speak to him the worse you will feel. He is not your friend, he’s keeping you around as a back up. Block him everywhere, no contact - will take a while but you will start feeling better. Lean on your sister for support

Lmnop22 · 19/05/2025 20:13

The only way you could ever be friends with him is if you were totally over him and you’re not. So all you’re doing is torturing yourself by staying in touch with someone you love whilst they move on.

He clearly doesn’t care that much about you as a friend if he’s moved on and is telling you about a new relationship and he’s clearly not changed his ways if he’s in a new relationship and is talking to you until you fall asleep.

Just throw yourself into making new friends by joining a club or activity or lean on the friends you have already even if there aren’t loads of them.

This man is bringing you down and if you cut him off he can’t touch you and what you don’t know can’t hurt you.

Bittenonce · 19/05/2025 20:43

Block
Avoid all contact
It will do your head in…..
He wants to fuck someone else and use you as an emotional crutch, fill the gaps in his life
You need a proper break from him, seriously. Don’t have any contact until you are happy with yourself and your life, focus on yourself.
It’s hard, I know. But it’s what you need

User37482 · 19/05/2025 20:49

I think he gets an ego boost from keeping you hanging on. Move on OP, he’s not you friend.

Summerhillsquare · 19/05/2025 21:29

He's not your friend!

cestlavielife · 19/05/2025 21:31

See your GP
and call samaritans
Staying in touch will mess with your head

S0j0urn4r · 19/05/2025 21:42

Contact will just keep reopening the wound.
Block him.
Talk to your sister.

MiloMinderbinder925 · 19/05/2025 21:48

You can contact NHS Direct and speak to the mental health team.
CALM has webchat and helpline
The Samaritans are available 24/7

BuzzyBee31 · 19/05/2025 21:50

You need to go NC. Maybe try and meet someone else.

TinyTempest · 19/05/2025 21:50

He's not a friend.

And he's only bothering to check you're ok, to ease his cheating conscience.

CountryQueen · 19/05/2025 21:51

He’s not your friend

GingerPaste · 19/05/2025 21:56

No, don’t have ANY contact with him. It won’t be good for you and will just prolong your recovery.

It’s tough when a relationship ends but a clean break is the best option. Anyway, it sounds like he’s got plenty of women to keep him happy (so he’s probably keeping you on the back burner for a future shag)!

Original poster

Alicew00 · 19/05/2025 22:04

You're all right. I feel like that it is keeping the wound open. I feel like comparing myself to his new woman when i don't even know what she looks like. I'm angry at him for moving on so quick.
I even said that to him...that he is just keeping me for a shag or will end up casting me aside one day he promises he won't but i don't believe it. It just feels too weird. I want him to come back and cuddle and kiss me etc but that's not right. I need to let go and heal and it's not going to happen is it?

OP posts:

BuzzyBee31 · 19/05/2025 22:07

He sounds like a narcissist who still wants you for attention/supply. Block him.

Original poster

Alicew00 · 19/05/2025 22:07

The first few times i said i can't be friends with him he said "I'm not your ex im your friend"

I said it's not fair on our future partners and i need to heal

OP posts:

Candlesandmatches · 19/05/2025 22:15

It’s time to put yourself first. Block and do not respond to any attempts at contact.
Give yourself a set time each day you allow yourself to think about him and slowly reduce the by couple of minutes every day. I used to walk to work and I allowed myself a certain distance to a lamp post to think about ex. And reduced that distance by 1 step each day. It really works!

And as cliche as it sounds try a fun new hobby - line dancing, horse riding, knitting, rambling. Doesn’t matter. Try a few. It will help mark a new start and keep your mind off it

S0j0urn4r · 19/05/2025 22:33

Alicew00 · 19/05/2025 22:07

The first few times i said i can't be friends with him he said "I'm not your ex im your friend"

I said it's not fair on our future partners and i need to heal

That was very nice of you.
Now tell him to fuck off!
No man is worth this. No relationship is worth this.
Get some help with your mental health. Enjoy the single life until you're stronger.

Orangesinthebag · 19/05/2025 22:37

Definitely stop contact with him. I can vouch for the fact that it's so hard to move on when you still see someone regularly, even if you know that splitting is the right thing to do & they have treated you badly. You don't mention kids so you don't have to keep in touch.

It will be hard at first but see it like ripping a plaster off a wound to let the air get to it - it heals faster if you rip it right off than if you leave it & keep touching it because then it's likely to get infected.

I do understand that it's hard if you feel you don't have many friends but, as others have said, he isn't really your friend now.

It doesn't feel like it now but you will feel better more quickly if you cut contact.

Dancingintherainxxx · 20/05/2025 01:23

Go see your GP

He will sext women while with the new girl too. He is no prize.

Tbrh · 20/05/2025 01:50

Don't be friends with him, he's not really your friend.

WaryHiker · 20/05/2025 04:17

You shouldn't be seeking comfort from your abuser because it sets up a trauma cycle. And cheating is a form of abuse within a relationship.

You need a clean break here. You'll look back on this a year from now and wonder why this awful man was ever inside your head.

ThatLimeCat · 20/05/2025 05:21

He is nasty. He will do the same thing to the new girlfriend.

Agree with the person above who suggested seeing your gp. Let them know you're feeling depressed and would like some help. Don't feel ashamed over this and keep it to yourself.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 20/05/2025 05:38

Block.

No contact.

End it.

Focus on sorting yourself out.

So nobody else checks in? That's tough (I have the same) but make sure you prioritise your well being, your life circumstances regardless of anyone else checking in.

Middlechild3 · 20/05/2025 06:14

Alicew00 · 19/05/2025 19:47

No he can want all he likes but it's not healthy for you to keep in touch. You aren't friends, you split. You need to clear the decks of old debris in order to move on and make space for new positive relationships. I'll never understand why women prioritise, or even give any thought, to what men want to happen in situations like this, rather than focus purely on what's healthy for themselves.

rwalker · 20/05/2025 09:34

I know a few people who are great friends with there ex’s and get in like a house on fire

but it only works if you are both on the same page your not it’s got drama and disaster written all over all over it

please reach out to someone or some services

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