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Original poster

Kind of regretting getting back with him.

30 replies

DollyOakley16 · 18/05/2025 12:58

My partner and I split up for three months. I was fed up with his drinking and being a twat on alcohol sometimes. We don't live together. He pursued me relentlessly until I agreed to go back. I was doing fine. He promised to cut back on his evening drinking. First he said he was just sticking to beer as he is fine on beer. Bacardi is his spirit. He has started back to his usual drinking again after four weeks. I told him under no circumstances to start any rows with me on drink. He has been ok even though he drinks bacardi again and we have had some nice days out. Ive just got mixed emotions about the relationship. I actually quite liked being on my own with my dog and 20 year old son. I care about him but I feel nothing has really changed even though we are back together. If I tell him I want to be on my own again he won't take no for an answer. I think he feels he is fine as he is and cant aee an issue with it. He didn't stick to what he said he would do and thinks it's ok that he didn't. Have I a valid point here?! I have a drink twice a week. I'm not teetotal. I'm just a bit dillusioned.

OP posts:
WrylyAmused · 18/05/2025 13:05

You already know you have several more than valid points.

What you maybe need to hear is that it actually doesn't matter whether you have valid points or not.
You don't have to have a reason to break up with someone. You don't have to justify your decisions. He doesn't need to agree with you.

You just need to decide that you don't want to be in the relationship, tell him that, and if he doesn't accept it, give one warning to stop contacting you and then block him if necessary.

Good luck.

outerspacepotato · 18/05/2025 13:10

Did he start going to AA meetings or do anything to prove he was serious about not drinking instead of just telling you what you wanted to hear?

Words are meaningless unless there are actions backing them up and on this instance, over a longer time frame.

Of course you were better off without a partner who has an alcohol problem.

You can split again and be as relentless about staying single as he was about pursuing you. You can break up, block his number, not answer the door if he shows up, and call the police if he breaks in.

category12 · 18/05/2025 13:13

If I tell him I want to be on my own again he won't take no for an answer.

Yes he will. Splitting up isn't a debate, only one of you has to decide you're done.

Him harassing you until you gave in isn't reconciliation, it's closer to abuse and stalking, and there are laws about that.

End it, block him, don't see him anymore and if necessary, get legal help to keep him away from you.

TwistedWonder · 18/05/2025 13:17

You've posted several threads about this man and the responses will always be the same

You do g need a valid point to r d z relationship - if you want to break up for any reason you should

And him refusing to take no for an answer - well tough shit. He can’t force you to stay in a dead relationship.

Be thankful you don’t live together, tell him it’s fine and it’s not open for debate and move on.

Bananalanacake · 18/05/2025 13:22

Thank god you don't live with him, you can walk off when he starts being a twat.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 18/05/2025 13:24

"he won't take no for an answer"

Who died and made him King of the Castle? Split up with him again, and if he harasses you, report him to the police.

WildflowerConstellations · 18/05/2025 14:01

It's not up to him whether you have a relationship or not. You can decide this isn't the relationship for you and end it. If he keeps calling you can block him. He sounds pushy so just limit the ways he can contact you and drop the rope.

babystarsandmoon · 18/05/2025 14:08

He will have to take no for an answer if you decide to end it.

He’s had his chance to change so I would end the relationship with a very frank message telling him why, tell him not to contact you and block
him. Call the police if he harasses you.

Stripeyanddotty · 18/05/2025 14:12

There is no shame in being single.

Colddayhotcuppa · 18/05/2025 14:19

category12 · 18/05/2025 13:13

If I tell him I want to be on my own again he won't take no for an answer.

Yes he will. Splitting up isn't a debate, only one of you has to decide you're done.

Him harassing you until you gave in isn't reconciliation, it's closer to abuse and stalking, and there are laws about that.

End it, block him, don't see him anymore and if necessary, get legal help to keep him away from you.

Agree. He sounds extremely manipulative. I don't think people who pursue anyone relentlessly are decent people, whether that's in the eary days of courtship or a reconciliation. That's someone who has no consideration for your feelings or thoughts, only their own.
They don't see you as an individual, they see you as an extension of themselves.

Tell him it's over, and he needs to leave you alone. How do you think your son feels about you having this man in his life/home?

Sodthesystem · 18/05/2025 14:22

'He won't take no for an answer'

Is that the sort of person you want to be in a relationship with?

An alcoholic who ignores the word 'no'.

Get him dumped.

Original poster
DollyOakley16 · 18/05/2025 14:48

My son hardly sees him and he took us all out for a day last week. I don't know. It just feels a bit like the same old same old and he couldn't even stay off the bacardi for me. I'm fed up.

OP posts:
WildflowerConstellations · 18/05/2025 14:58

Your son is 20 right? He's an adult so there's no reason for you to have to see him for your son to see him.

WildflowerConstellations · 18/05/2025 15:00

He had a chance to step up but he got his foot back in the door then went back to the same old shit. I'd be fed up, too. I think end it.

whitewineandsun · 18/05/2025 15:03

DollyOakley16 · 18/05/2025 14:48

My son hardly sees him and he took us all out for a day last week. I don't know. It just feels a bit like the same old same old and he couldn't even stay off the bacardi for me. I'm fed up.

He's an alcoholic. The booze is more important than you. It's that simple.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/05/2025 15:04

Honestly op, from experience, the more and more time I spend being single, the more I realise how free and blissful it is. I passed a middle aged couple in the street, and my instant reaction was to feel sorry for them. You already know you like being single, to be able to be is a wonderful privilege.

Moonlightfrog · 18/05/2025 15:09

I’ve just become single again after being on and off with DP, thinking he would change each time I threatened to end it. They don’t change, they never do, they just fake it for a few days/weeks and slip back to how they were before. I’ve been single a week and am now thinking I will be for ever….which isn’t a bad thing. I have an adult child at home too and one at uni.

DorothyStorm · 18/05/2025 15:11

Dont dump him because of the drinking. Dump him because he has no respect for you.

He pursued me relentlessly until I agreed
that isn't consent, that is coercion.

S0j0urn4r · 18/05/2025 15:11

You told him what you needed to make the relationship work. He promised the world but did nothing.
Dump him. You're better off without him.
Block him on everything.
If he harasses you call the police.

sesquipedalian · 18/05/2025 15:16

“I actually quite liked being on my own with my dog and 20 year old son.”

OP, you need to hang on to this. Just because your partner is needy and can’t keep off the falling down water doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to go out with him because he prefers it, and “won’t take no for an answer”. You don’t live together - it doesn’t seem to me that he is adding anything to your life. Tell him that you’ve had enough: you gave him a chance to come off the booze, but he can’t give up the Bacardi so you’re giving up on him. Then block and move on. Don’t listen to his blandishments: if he comes round, don’t let him in. Time to draw the line.

MounjaroMounjaro · 18/05/2025 15:19

I can't think of one reason why you'd stay involved with this man.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 18/05/2025 15:28

DollyOakley16 · 18/05/2025 14:48

My son hardly sees him and he took us all out for a day last week. I don't know. It just feels a bit like the same old same old and he couldn't even stay off the bacardi for me. I'm fed up.

Alcoholics can only give up drinking for themselves, not for other people.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 18/05/2025 16:12

Be on your own with your dog and son.
You will continue to be fed up if you stay with the alcoholic.

Ask yourself too why you became involved with the alcoholic again. Is it something to do with you perhaps wanting to rescue or save him?. Read about codependency and see how much related to your own behaviour.

user2848502016 · 18/05/2025 16:18

If you don’t want to be in the relationship anymore that’s your decision, you don’t need his permission to end things. It sounds like things are just over for you so best that you end things for good with him.

perfectcolourfound · 18/05/2025 16:23

You don't need to have a 'valid' reason to end a relationship. You can end it just because you want to. You don't have to explain yourself. His opinion isn't relevant once you've decided you want to leave.

But as it happens, you have several 'valid' points. You were happier when you weren't with him. You can't trust him with alcohol. He lied to you about his intake to get you back. You'll always be on edge wondering what he's drunk / if he'll pick an arguement.

All really really good reasons to end it.