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Original poster

My Sister in law and my husband

31 replies

prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 16:56

My husband talks to his Mom and Sister (mainly Sister) multiple times a day calls can go for as long as over an hour. This mainly goes on during his work day. He is a tow truck driver on the road all day so I noticed he has a routine now where his sister will call him as early as 7am it’s usually her calling him. And some days it is multiple calls a day 30 min calls to over an hour. Mind you she does not like me she only says hi to me nothing else when we are at family gatherings I have tried and tried to get along with her it’s just not gonna happen. She is his little sister which i understand but she is 32 married with 2 kids. I’m pretty sure she is closer to my man than she is to her own seeing how much they talk. I have tried to overlook this and I just can’t seem to get over it. After all I am the one who cares for him, cooks for him, packs his lunch and the list goes on. We don’t have kids together. He also does not tell me what they talk about it seems secretive he swears he doesn’t tell her anything about our relationship but there’s times she’ll call and if I’m there he will not answer until he’s alone or when I’m not there. We’ve only been together for 2 years will it get better? I’ll add that they do live in the same city we see his family multiple times a week and mainly every weekend. His family always says how they have so much in common and that she is the girl version of him. They are even the same sign which they brag about too. She also threw a fit when we told her we were getting married. He husband does not help the situation on the contrary he always sides with her and even eggs her on about how he is “he big brother” giving her reason for her to be “this close” with him.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/05/2025 17:23

After all I am the one who cares for him, cooks for him, packs his lunch and the list goes on.

Why are you doing that?!

Stop being a doormat, maybe he'll realise you're a wife, not a bang maid.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 14/05/2025 17:27

Sounds a bit creepy tbh.
I'd wonder if it wasn't so frowned upon and sickening if they'd actually be with eachother rather than outside partners.

yeesh · 14/05/2025 17:32

So weird.

GemmaCalmDown · 14/05/2025 17:40

You need to look up enmeshment because he and his sister have it.

A giant red flag is him not picking up the phone to her when you are within earshot when he happily talks to her several times a day. Another one is how often you see his family, that is a lot. It would seem that he would always choose them first over you, even after you are married.

You have to decide if you are truly happy with his arrangement, you need to know now if this is a deal breaker because for me it absolutely would be. The family loving the brother/sister so much in common and the they even share a star sign gives me the ick. It is creepy, like suggesting if they weren't brother and sister they would be a couple because they are just sooooo close. I don't think you will ever be good enough for them and they will drip that poison into his ear. I am so sorry.

MsCactus · 14/05/2025 17:42

I knew someone dating a guy who had a creepily close relationship with his sister like this. They were "best friends" and his sister used to always sit on his lap, twiddling his hair and her arms round him...

Needless to say, my friend dumped him. It was way too incestous.

I have two brothers I get along well with, but no way would we behave like your DP. OP your situation sounds way too incestous to me. I'd LTB

arethereanyleftatall · 14/05/2025 17:43

i would imagine being a truck driver is really boring so it must be nice to have someone to chat to. This wouldn’t bother me.

you don’t have kids, so if you don’t like your life with him and would rather be single, then end it.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 14/05/2025 18:00

Definitely seems a bit much. I love my brother very much but this relationship is just weird.
I don't think she is going to go away any time soon.
Ultimately, you have a big decision to make op!!

Original poster
prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 18:30

Yes I agree. And the thing is him and I have a great relationship when it’s just us and we have talked about having a baby together it’s something that I really want but all of this makes it hard seeing as though this may never change and she may always be interfering in our marriage. It just feels like she is not letting go of the #1 spot like she wants to stay #1 to him and his mom is always making sure he is keeping up with her always asking if he talked to her and that he should call her as if he were her husband and the one responsible for her wellbeing she also has her 2 other brothers 4 siblings in total. And she is the youngest and the only girl basically the princess of the family and whenever he husband leaves town or she goes through something one of them will jump up n go stay with her or help her with her kids or whatever she needs she will call her mom and my husband n tell them about what she’s going through so it’s like he has an obligation to take care of her needs

OP posts:
Sofiewoo · 14/05/2025 18:32

Why does it bother you that he speaks to his mum and his sister while he’s at work?

Its weird that this bothers you and that you keep asking him what they speak about.

Original poster
prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 18:35

I am also the youngest in my family and I have brothers as well and yes I love them and they love me but we all respect each others marriages and we don’t get involved in each others relationships/ problems and we get together mostly for special occasions certainly not every weekend. So I am not used to their closeness it’s just too much for me. I’m starting to feel like I may be better off single and one day being with someone who will prioritize me and OUR relationship but it’s hard to leave because I do love him so much and I really wanted this to work.

OP posts:
BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 14/05/2025 18:41

I would imagine being a truck driver is really boring so it must be nice to have someone to chat to

I'd want a truck driver to be paying attention to driving their truck, not being constantly distracted by having multiple hour-long conversations with their sister.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 14/05/2025 18:48

Sounds to me you're having doubts about your relationship, listen to your gut. They are far too enmeshed and your future SIL will make your life hell. Why doesn't your BF say something when she virtually ignores you? You are meant to be his number one priority.

JJxxxxx · 14/05/2025 18:50

It does seem like they talk a lot… I speak to my sister maybe once a month and she lives many miles away from me….. so he is obviously part of a more close knit family then mine 🤣

But could you possibly be reading it wrong?
Is it a possibility that he doesn’t answer the phone when you are there because he knows that you feel it takes his attention away from you and causes you upset?

beAsensible1 · 14/05/2025 18:52

It’s pretty standard for people who do long driving to have some one on the phone pretty regularly.

it stops the boredom which helps to stop the distraction. And I’m some cultures they’re not necessarily chatting away the whole time it’s just company.

im not sure if he’s being secretive or they not talking about much of anything so there ls no much to tell?

But if you don’t like it OP, then break up. You don’t need us to justify or validate you. you are in it more than we are so you know if it’s something you don’t like.

Original poster
prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 20:10

Yes I have game him the benefit of the doubt and I also have thought that maybe they’re just on the phone together not necessarily talking so much so but I’m really not sure. I understand the culture thing we are Hispanic and we do this I talk to my mom as well about anything and everything but not to this extent especially being a brother sister relationship and the fact she has a family of her own and as much as she talks to mine I doubt she talks to her own man at all idk what I’d talk to my brother about for over an hour. Multiple times a day.

OP posts:
Fluffypotatoe123987 · 14/05/2025 20:14

My recent ex was like this with his dad. His dad demanded him there and he ran. Rang 12 times a day etc. His dad was a horrible man to me and in general narsasist and his dad was in prison for years. Anyways yes I was jealous especially as he took half his wages etc or when was unemployed half of that and I got nothing for the bills etc. He's trauma bonded to his dad and I found out he was doing coke with his dad. So gone! It won't get better.

MounjaroMounjaro · 14/05/2025 20:22

I’m starting to feel like I may be better off single and one day being with someone who will prioritize me and OUR relationship

I'm afraid that's exactly what I was thinking. I wouldn't have a baby with someone like this, OP.

Endofyear · 14/05/2025 20:39

It does sound like he's exceptionally close to his family. That's probably not going to change so if it's bothering you now, you're probably better off splitting. Don't have children with him. Find someone you're better suited to.

Original poster
prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 21:40

JJxxxxx · 14/05/2025 18:50

It does seem like they talk a lot… I speak to my sister maybe once a month and she lives many miles away from me….. so he is obviously part of a more close knit family then mine 🤣

But could you possibly be reading it wrong?
Is it a possibility that he doesn’t answer the phone when you are there because he knows that you feel it takes his attention away from you and causes you upset?

Yes I have thought that too and maybe that’s why he doesn’t answer if I’m around 🤷🏽‍♀️

OP posts:
Original poster
prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 21:43

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 14/05/2025 18:48

Sounds to me you're having doubts about your relationship, listen to your gut. They are far too enmeshed and your future SIL will make your life hell. Why doesn't your BF say something when she virtually ignores you? You are meant to be his number one priority.

He sees it but that’s the other thing is that in his eyes his sister does nothing wrong she is an angel! So the times I have brought it up to him he completely shuts me out says he’s not talking about it and will even walk away. He thinks that it’s just me but she has done nothing here

OP posts:
Original poster
prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 21:47

GemmaCalmDown · 14/05/2025 17:40

You need to look up enmeshment because he and his sister have it.

A giant red flag is him not picking up the phone to her when you are within earshot when he happily talks to her several times a day. Another one is how often you see his family, that is a lot. It would seem that he would always choose them first over you, even after you are married.

You have to decide if you are truly happy with his arrangement, you need to know now if this is a deal breaker because for me it absolutely would be. The family loving the brother/sister so much in common and the they even share a star sign gives me the ick. It is creepy, like suggesting if they weren't brother and sister they would be a couple because they are just sooooo close. I don't think you will ever be good enough for them and they will drip that poison into his ear. I am so sorry.

I totally agree with you it seems even creepy to be honest. 😭 like I’ve wondered that too if were acceptable they would probably even be together yuck!

OP posts:
Original poster
prettydaisies88 · 14/05/2025 21:49

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 14/05/2025 17:23

After all I am the one who cares for him, cooks for him, packs his lunch and the list goes on.

Why are you doing that?!

Stop being a doormat, maybe he'll realise you're a wife, not a bang maid.

in our culture we cater to our husbands it’s just kinda the law for us and I don’t mind doing it we have our routine and it works for us. To each their own but it’s just his family that is the problem. His sister being the main problem.

OP posts:
myplace · 14/05/2025 21:53

It would be rude of him to be talking to her on the phone while he’s with you, though. Surely? If he was on the phone for an hour to her while you were there you’d be unimpressed.

He talks to her when he has nothing else on.

S0j0urn4r · 14/05/2025 21:54

Taxi!