Need female advice to help me stop going crazy

[Tatteddadbod]

Hi I'm a dad of a large family and thought that everything in my marriage was great until I found my wife texting another man.

She promised that it was just flirty banter and she never wanted anything else so I have tried to look past it and move on.
Problem is she has never texted me anything like she did with him ie she told him he was hot and stuff , we have been together a long time and never have I had a txt like that, I txt her and tell her all the time she is sexy and beautiful and the love of my life.
So my question from a female point of view is am I overthink this or am I not enough for her. She has told me she only wants me but this is stuck in my head , please help and any advice will really help, thanks

Relating with a long term partner is very different to relating to a crush. The crush is new and shiny and tweaks the excitement part of the brain. It's hard to keep that kind of excitement with a long term partner but it doesn't mean there isn't love and attraction. I don't blame you for feeling down and unconfident. She has damaged your confidence and your relationship with her actions and she needs to address that.

Thank you for taking the time to replie. I completely understand sort of why she did what she did she's a busy mom who when someone showed her she was still attractive made her feel amazing and sexy and all the other feelings she probably hasn't felt for a while. But how do I get her to tell me I'm still attractive to her and she finds me sexy. Because at the moment I'm deflated and don't feel like I'm good enough for her, yes I am the more romantic and soppy one in the marriage lol but I would like to be told these things to .again thankyou

Hi op

Read the dead bedroom fix by DSO. it might give you some help as how to move forward

Hi OP, you might want to ask MNHQ to move your post to the relationships thread as you will get more responses.

You need to nip this in the bud ASAP. She is having an emotional affair no matter how much she plays this down and as much as effort needs to be put in on both sides to keep up the spark in your marriage (I applaud your reflection on this), it is not just your responsibility to fix. Sure, people drift apart and seek validation in others, but it is still an emotional affair. Read up about the signs online and insist it ends.

Hi, OP. Welcome to Mumsnet. We've moved your thread to our Relationships board now to see if anyone has any advice for you there.

“She promised that it was just flirty banter and she never wanted anything else so I have tried to look past it and move on.”

This is unclear. She stopped and minimised it, or she is still continuing and minimising it?

Neither sounds good, but if there is an issue in the marriage she appears not to have communicated anything about that and just minimised her behaviour.

I think she needs to fully understand why she entertained this other man. She had an emotional affair and you are understandably hurt by it. But don’t question yourself. She needed attention (and was complimentary to him to encourage more attention). This is not a reflection on you, but her.

If I was you I would be looking to increase my own self confidence. Get a new hobby, get fit, have fun with friends. Your worth shouldn’t rely on what she tells you. Someone who is self confident is extremely attractive.

With better self confidence you will also be able to instil better boundaries with your wife. Whilst it is positive you are empathetic and can see why she may have acted in the way she did, it does not mean you need to accept it. Get some couples therapy to address your issues.