Hi everyone,
Feeling a little mopey so I may have a cloud over my head this evening, just wanting to air it out and hear some thoughts, really!
You may see from my other posts that I called off an engagement with a man whom I felt could be emotionally abusive.
starting over was terrifying, though I know it is far harder for those of us in a similar situation plus being married with kids. I spent hours and hours the first few months trawling the internet for success stories of women in their thirties who ‘started over’ in terms of relationship, house, marriage etc. and I did start to see glimmers of hope that maybe things really do happen for a reason and it’ll all work out better in the end.
But I am starting to wonder whether I am just someone who is better off alone. Apologies for the sweeping generalisation, but I can’t help but feel the following about men in relationships, and I’m happy to be corrected;
- many seem to automatically assume their girlfriend/wife will work, contribute equally financially but contribute significantly more domestically. Perhaps not knowingly, but it does seem this way in many relationships I have experienced and witnessed
- I am finding men of all ages so far to be very needy with their own emotions. Very ‘clingy’ with affection when it is on their terms, but when their emotions get the better of them, they shut you out and ‘hide in their caves’ I.e. stop communicating altogether
- they just seem so driven by the physical. Basically, how you look and sex. Therefore I cannot help but feel that if those two things dwindle, their love would lessen
- it seems many of them kind of want women to step into their lives as mother figures. Picking up the pieces and being the responsible one
I guess my view of the ‘fairytale’ has been well and truly shattered. Maybe I am bitter. But at 34, I’m really struggling with the motivation.
financially, being a partnership is far easier, but I am questioning whether that factor aside, would another relationship be the same as all the rest? To meet someone, surely you need to look as needle in a haystack springs to mind. But I am really struggling with any motivation for it anymore.
then again, I can imagine feeling sad being alone for the rest of my life. I have a good job, and take care of myself as best I can physically and mentally. But nothing feels enough to have a simple, happy relationship.
my apologies for the long rant and thank you for reading if you have gotten this far! Just a gal looking for some wisdom and thoughts 🙂