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Original poster

Still love exDP but am supposed to have moved on

26 replies

StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:13

That's it really.

I still love him.

I am in a new relationship, we are having a baby in a few months. My new partner is lovely, loving, excited about the baby, adores me, is a wonderful guy. I do love him too.

But exDP will always be the man I love. Our relationship was very rocky - drink and depression and immaturity - but he's changed now and seems to have all the good bits and none of the bad bits.

Rose tinted glasses? Pregnancy hormones?

Who wants to give me a slap and tell me to be happy with the lovely relationship I have and stop hankering after the past?

OP posts:
LadyOfWaffle · 19/05/2008 17:16

Both of the above - my ex was a sh!t with a capital S but (especially while pregnant) I was madly deeply in love with him still. I have a problem of looking back and only seeing the good. I know how it feels, it's taken me a good 4 years to let it go and still I have moments where I miss him (well, the nice bits). How long ago did you date?

Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:18

Oh LadyofWaffle thank goodness.

We were together for about ten years.

OP posts:
Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:18

And we have a son.

He is a wonderful father.

OP posts:
piratecat · 19/05/2008 17:20

I have a thread in lone parents, not the same as you entirely as I haven't met anyone else.

Yet will always see him as my greatest love, we were married for ten yrs.

Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:21

Are we deceiving ourselves or should I chuck everything and run after him? Is that insane? I am pregnant with someone else. I can't believe I've even committing these words to type.

OP posts:
piratecat · 19/05/2008 17:23

what has made you think of him again like this??

LadyOfWaffle · 19/05/2008 17:24

Wow, a proper ex. I was only dating mine for... 2 1/2 years, first love kinda thing. Why did you split up? THe drink etc? I am going to probably be shot down in flames, but, if your feelings are really real (and I really don't know how you would know - I guess literally imagine you had to choose forever, full stop) then don't feel you can't get back with him just because he is an ex etc. But I am presuming you are not sure if your feelings are really real... definatly give it alot of time though, wait for hormones to settle, really weigh up why you split, why you are with your new partner etc. I would more than likely say it's just hormones and wanting certain things from the past etc., like remembering all the nice bits, the way you used to feel etc. Hope I make some sort of sense!

winner · 19/05/2008 17:25

how does your ex feel about you?

Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:28

We went out with a group of friends together a few weeks ago. I mean we have remained friends since we broke up, it's certainly not unusual for me to see him, but we went out and I just suddenly saw the guy I'd been in love with, the guy who had sort of been shrouded during all our problems and break up.

We split up yes because of the drink (all done with that now) and because of various related problems, him being unwilling to be properly committed (I don't mean affairs or anything, just putting friends & family first, not being around during preg (not really through his own fault) ) plus I think I had PND after DS.

He was the one who always felt like the missing part of me.

OP posts:
Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:29

winner I don't think I have ever really believed that he could ever stop loving me. But I am pregnant with someone else now. It's all moved on too much.

I feel my head is about to explode.

I feel like such an idiot.

Can I never be happy? I wish I could just cop on and enjoy what I have, which is good.

OP posts:
LadyOfWaffle · 19/05/2008 17:31

By how you worded that post I would say rose tinted glasses - you seem to be doing the classic making excuses (not his fault etc.) I assume you didn't break up easily or take it lightly... you have to trust the instincts you had then. Was it a sudden breakup?

piratecat · 19/05/2008 17:31

You saw the old sideof him, whats there to say that the horrible selfish pigface arse side won't come out again?

ahem---sorry.

I know about only remembering the beautiful bits, but tbh, they spoilt it, and could it really be as beautiful in reality?

winner · 19/05/2008 17:32

Poor you don't beat yourself up, people can't help their feelings and we all make mistakes, it is what makes us human

Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:33

No it was not sudden. It dragged on for ages, it was painful and we saw a lot of each other because of DS. No shaking the dust and saying that's that then I never want to see you again as long as I live.

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Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:33

Some days I feel all I have ever done is make mistakes.

God I don't know why I feel so blue today.

I feel so STUPID.

OP posts:
winner · 19/05/2008 17:34

Is he with anyone else?

Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:35

People look at me and think I'm lucky, and I know I am. I have a lovely child, another on the way, a lovely partner who would do anything to see me happy, a home we all love, an extended family who I think the world of.

Why can't I accept all of this?

Sometimes it's as if I TRY to make myself unhappy, as if I deserve it or something.

Oh I am rambling now.

Have to pick up DS soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:36

I don't think so though he probably wouldn't confide in me unitl it was a steady, certain thing - that's sort of something we agreed, not to quiz one another about private lives.

OP posts:
LadyOfWaffle · 19/05/2008 17:38

Don't worry, we've all been there. I personally feel as I said it's just one of those things, as you said it was a drawn out breakup - you had a long time to make sure it was the right thing and you have to trust right now while you are feeling vunerable that you knew what you were doing at the time. It's not easy seeing him i'm sure, and you are only really seeing him at his best - not after grueling, grinding days with kids screaming their heads off, after an arguement etc. etc. {{hugs}} Try not to let it 'worry' you right now - if the feelings are real they will be real in another 12 months time, for now try and push them aside x

LadyOfWaffle · 19/05/2008 17:40

If you suddenly knew you could get back with him, that he felt the same way - how would you feel about leaving your current DP? Would it be grass is greener type thing? (I know I used to think that!) x

Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:42

Oh LofW I just don't know. It seems an impossible thing to do to leave to go back to him (if he would have me of course) with someone else's baby. Not even born yet. I know the life I have now is calmer, more predictable, steadier. I thought that's what I wanted. But are they pathetic things to want? Should you follow your heart and suck up the consequences?

OP posts:
Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 17:43

I have to pick up DS. I appreciate your responses. If any of you were around later I would appreciate any other thoughts you have.

Stupid to start a thread before I have to go out.

OP posts:
winner · 19/05/2008 17:45

How would you feel if he did meet someone and it got serious?

Original poster
StupidFool · 19/05/2008 21:55

I would feel bereft I think, as if we could no longer have the relationship we do.

OP posts:
Irisheyes78 · 19/05/2008 22:07

Oh dear.

You poor girl.

Have you talked to your ex about how you feel?

Shortly after I got married I felt as if my life was over as that was it. There was nothing left to wonder about if you know what I mean. I couldn't imagine not being with dh now.