Is marriage important?

[tecbrowidow]

I never really understood why people got married when I was younger, and always vowed I'd not marry because the example my parents gave in their marriage was terrible. I made sure I had a good income before having a child so that if my relationship soured I'd have the freedom to leave. I'm starting to think I got it wrong, but I'm still confused. Do you think marriage is important? Why?

I think it’s important from a legal/financial protection point of view - having been widowed very young without wills made yet, it made it a lot easier to claim widows benefits/pension etc.

From a relationship needs point of view, I’m not sure see the point. Humans change and grow in emotional maturity, libido, physical ability etc, ideally couples would grow together, but often people don’t. There are circumstances when it seems quite cruel for people to be tied together by a promise they made years ago when they were very different people.

I think you have to go into it very eyes wide open about what you’re hoping for. You only have to look at the history of marriage to realise people’s reasons can vary wildly and that the institution of marriage is really quite confused itself! www.bbc.com/news/magazine-17351133.amp

I'd love to hear from the people who think marriage is important. What makes it important to you?

It entirely depends on your situation.

If you're planning to give up work/earning power, (usually for children) so you're living in a house paid for by someone else and living on their money, wholly or partially, then yes, marriage is going to be important, or you're going to have some pretty bad consequences if they decide to leave a bit down the line.

If you're independently ok financially and can house and support yourself and any dependents, it's much less important.

That said, as I've gotten older, I find that I would like to get married, but because I'm reasonably well off, it actually is a disincentive - I am reluctant to risk losing a good chunk of what I've worked for to someone else if a relationship doesn't work out, and pre-nups are not fully reliable in the UK.

Why do I think it's important now? I think I'd like to have the stability and comfort of us both deciding "you're it" for the rest of our lives. But that's more about the individual person and their philosophy of marriage - not everyone sees it in the same way anyway!

Inheritance tax, if nothing else

What are you confused about? Marriage is a legal union, not marriage isn’t. You can choose whether to commit yourself to someone in a formal official way or not. There are rights and responsibilities associated with it which suit some people and not others.

I like being married, it’s important to me, important to my husband, and we feel it gives stability to our children.

It’s important to know what it means both to go into it and opt out of it, if you’ve got your eyes open when making either decision that’s the main thing.

It’s important to understand the legal consequences of getting married, and of not getting married, and then making an informed decision based on your own circumstances.

A couple who meet when they’re a bit older, both with children from previous relationships, may decide not to because they don’t want to risk their assets in a divorce, and want to leave all/most of their money to their children anyway so won’t benefit from the inheritance tax benefits of being married. That’s perfectly reasonable.
A woman who gives up work to stay home with a child while the house is in her partner’s name and they’re not married is making a very risky decision imo.

I think my marriage is important, because it's a stable foundation for us to raise our family, and, having had children and taken time out of work for that, it gives me financial and legal rights.

I'm not that bothred if others choose to live their lives differently, marriage is a choice, there are other choices. But for me, having children, owning property together, knowing that DH has had some health issues, marriage was the right choice for us, to give us that protection and stability.

I agree with all of this, people should fully understand the implications of the choices they make, especially when it comes to making legally binding unions. That's not always the right choice for some people.

DH and I got married because he was deploying overseas and, without the protection of marriage, I was afforded limited rights and protection (should I have decided to deploy with him).

Even without that, for me the financial/legal aspects are also incredibly important I think. For example, if I were to die - I want everything to be as simple for DH as possible (getting my death in service benefit, sorting the house, inheritance tax, insurance etc) and marriage is a fairly good way of doing that.

If my situation had been different; kids already, house of my own etc, then marriage might not have worked. But for a girl of 21, with no money to her name, and considering deploying overseas as a 'travelling partner' rather than a 'travelling spouse' it was 100% the right choice. I had everything to gain and nothing to lose.

Recognised your username from your other threads, don't consider marrying your drug-taking boyfriend. Can he not be removed from your child's home?

Citizens advice website shows the differences between just cohabiting and the legal contract of marriage.

Marriage is incredibly important if you split up. I have a Mesher Order on the house which means I can keep it till the kids are 18 years old, he has to stay on the mortgage and pays a substantial percentage.

That doesn't exist if you aren't married. All the savings and assets get split 50/50. If you have children and want to protect yourself, get married.

Also death benefits, widows pension etc. You need to be married to have access to those.

Yes it is important. You only have to look on here to see what happens to unwed women and their children when the boyfriend fucks off.

Aside from the legal protections marriage grants, it made me love my DH more. It's a deeper level of commitment. When I got married I felt like 'ok, I don't have to worry about looking for someone else now. This is my person. This is my future.' I felt safe and secure.

just going through divorce. Been together 27 years, married 10. Both worked full time, everything split 50:50. Kids. Has made no difference to me being married. Just a pain in the arse effectively asking permission from the legal system to bloody divorce 🫩

It’s important to me. I was adamant I wanted to get married before children, just to build a solid foundation before starting a family. I appreciate to some it’s just a piece of paper but for me it solidifies a relationship, it makes it more credible IMO.

It can provide much needed financial security. I know a woman who is a fantastic mother to her kids. She has way above the average and has spent her life bringing them up. Now in her second relationship but it has broken down. She is nearing retirement age and has a low paid job. No legal stake in the house and is looking to rent as cheaply as possible. She will likely live in poverty for the rest of her life.
I just think that she has worked hard and instilled good values in her children who all work in good jobs etc and now, financially, she is in a precarious position but the fathers are fine.

1. Inheritance tax
2. I took a hit to my career/pension during my childbearing years. If DH decides to walk away, I get half of our assets and his pension—they’re marital assets, and me doing the lion’s share of the DC stuff enabled him to travel 4 days/week for his role several years ago. If he were just a DP, he’d walk away with “his” assets, without having to acknowledge who facilitated his ability to progress in his career without worrying about hiring an overnight nanny.

It’s not important to me as I have a lot of assets. If I didn’t then it would be of some importance as we have children.

I was exactly the same & never had any intention of marrying until I became ill so we married (after 20 years together) because it's just easier to sort out when one of us dies

Sounds like marriage is good if you're going to take a break from work to raise children and therefore rely on partner's income, but not so important if not. Did I miss something?

Inheritance tax.

I was married and having gone through the pain and stress of divorce I wouldn’t do this again.
I liked being a wife and having the security of marriage at the time. But a marriage means nothing if the relationship doesn’t work.
Being able to exit a relationship that isn’t healthy quickly is a huge benefit.
And a good relationship that works doesn’t need a piece of paper to endorse it.
Life insurance beneficiaries can be nominated and a will or post nup can agree what happens to assets in the event of death. There’s literally no good reason to marry again for me.

I think it’s important for two reasons. These are my own though.

1. I wanted the financial security and legal protections as a wife. Especially important as in early years I was a SAHM for many years. I also didn’t want my mother to be in charge if I was in a coma etc. I also am not from the UK but live here now, marriage protected my visa in those early days incase it didn’t work out.
2. our children who are now early adults have flat out told me they love we all have a same surname in our family and that their parents are actually married as their cousins (on both sides) parents are still bf and gf even though they have kids of similar ages and they find this really weird at that age. I would look at my husband differently if I had given him children and half my life only for him to never ask me to be married.

Happily married to my lovely DH for 20yrs now.

Marriage is important to me because it's about a commitment, to stay together for better and for worse. It means it can be a challenge but it's about honoring a decision to work together through whatever life throws at you, to have somebody in your court. It also provides a safe place to bring up children where when one of you earns less you support each other as a family unit

The one reason it isn't important is to 'have a wedding' and a 'big day' and a show off 'how you feel about each other in public', and all that. I think a lot of people marry because they think it's 'Romantic'. Marriage isn't romantic most of the time.