Is marriage important?

[tecbrowidow]

I never really understood why people got married when I was younger, and always vowed I'd not marry because the example my parents gave in their marriage was terrible. I made sure I had a good income before having a child so that if my relationship soured I'd have the freedom to leave. I'm starting to think I got it wrong, but I'm still confused. Do you think marriage is important? Why?

A marriage so so much more be a a piece of paper
it gives financial and legal protections
how many threads on here from SAHMs (unmarried) who are in dreadful relationships with no way out
also massive tax implications such as IHT
next of kin rights if your spouse is unwell

Women take the financial hit from bearing children and marriage protects them and the children. That's the point of it. Women that have children outside of marriage have no financial protection.

You must know this really.

Huge incentives from April 2027 if you have a decent pension fund otherwise you risk losing the vast majority of it in IHT and income tax if you pass it on to your children.

I know plenty of people planning to do it solely for this reason. Most see it as simply legal financial protection for their children and don’t plan on doing anything other than sign a piece of paper.

I’ll be doing it next year and doubt I’ll even mention it to anyone else. Most people assume we’re married anyway.

@Miq I know this is what happens for most women, yes. I think what I'm trying to figure out is what would marriage mean in my situation where I'm the main earner and neither me nor my partner has taken a career break for kids.

I'd love to hear the perspective from those who were the main earner and decided to marry. Anyone in that boat?

I wanted dh to be my next of kin as our values aligned. My mother outright told me she would not agree to any wishes I had that didn't align with hers. Such as not wishing to be left in a vegetate state. Or wanting to be cremated -so not even controversial things just my preferences.

I knew dh felt the same and as such I wanted him to officially have the main say.

If you're the main earner, own your own house, have a healthy pension, and you're confident this will always be the case, then no it doesn't afford you financial protection, because marriage goes both ways. But for the vast vast majority of women, this is not the case, because they are birthing the baby, feeding the baby, and throughout childhood are consistently doing the bulk of the parenting, which as we all have the same number of hours in each day, detracts from their career.

I’m the main earner. I earn well into 6 figures. I have a house in my own name with no mortgage and a large pension fund.

I’m getting married mainly to protect my DS. If I’m not married when I die the IHT bill will be huge. By getting married it means that as parents we have until the second one of us dies to ensure that as many assets as possible are in DS name whereas without marriage we only have until I die.

It’s important in a legal sense as people have said.
Practical things too like being a sahm. To do that unmarried is very risky as many threads on here attest.
I don’t really understand how how people think having a child is a lesser commitment than being married.

@BB3000 thanks for your perspective on this, I hadn't thought about that angle