Sexless relationship

[Kellybutnotsmelly]

Me and my boyfriend have been together near 5 years.
We met whilst in covid, so sex then was non existent, but he bigged up his game. We discussed birth control, and I went on the pill.
Obviously covid passed, and things went back to normal, but sex wise still didn't really happen. I think we've had sex about 6 times at the most in 5 years.
Our relationship is basically I give him head, and he uses his fingers 🙈 nothing more.
A couple of years ago I was built up with anxiety, constantly worrying whether it was my fault that we don't do it. I'm a plus size girl, he's quite skinny. I convinced myself that it was down to the way I looked. It made me really ill 😭
I ended up sending him a message, asking him why we don't do it, and was it because of me, and he said no, and that it was because his legs go weak 🤷🏼‍♀️
I'm still not convinced.
I'm usually feeling OK with the situation. There's more to life than sex, but now it's playing on my mind again.
Am I not desirable? Is it my weight? Why aren't we like normal couples?
I don't expect it every night, but it's making me question myself, and I'm now starting to think it must be me, but then I have had unwanted attention off men, so maybe my size isn't the issue?
I know I'm going to get the answers that I should speak to him again, but I'm not sure what's the point as he apparently told me the reason before.
I'm just struggling, I feel hurt, undesirable, and sad.

Stop giving him head for a start.

His legs go weak?? What does that mean!? He’s got no problem getting a blow job though. Lazy bastard. This isn’t what a loving relationship is supposed to look like. Bin him.

I know I'm going to get the answers that I should speak to him again

No - you’ll mostly get the answers that you should stop giving him head on demand, realise you’re wasting your life with him, end this relationship’ and move on.

You know this isn’t normal in the slightest don’t you?

Fuck him off, he's wasting your time and likely eroding your confidence in the meantime.

He's an oddball and it won't be possible to fix him. Move on.

If you go down on him, he should go down on you in return. Ask for it. If he won't, stop giving the BJs and move on.

I think you need to discuss it in person and find out why. It's very difficult to say without knowing more because it really doesn't seem like he'd be with someone he's not attracted to or doesn't like for 5 years.

It sounds like some hang up about sex in general, maybe even worth trying to speak to a relationship counsellor?

All this stress and effort and you are unsatisfied in every way. Work out what you want and if its not possible with him find someone it is possible with. What would you say to your friend in this situation? You get one life, i suspect you want more for yourself than BJ provider, bed warmer and attention giver.

A man not wanting to have a proper sexual relationship with you is a sign that there's something wrong - not with you, but with him. It's impossible for us to know, but as another pp has said - you're not going to fix him after all this time, because there's a problem and he doesn't want to fix it himself.

A former colleague, years ago, was married to a man like this. He eventually confessed he was gay.

Why are you with someone who makes you feel like crap? Your partner should make you feel loved and cherished. If you want a sexual relationship he isn't for you.

I’m going to be one of the ones that tells you to talk to him, we assume men are mad for it but maybe he does have a problem, you need to talk in person

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship OP?

He's honestly a great guy, we really click, but obviously not sexually. He's not even seen me naked, my confidence is low and I've always covered up. He's never even asked me to be naked 🤦🏼‍♀️
We don't live together, we see each other a few times a week, it just feels so one-sided 🤦🏼‍♀️

It doesn't matter what a great guy he is. He can't give you what you need so you have to let him go. It might be an idea to work on your self esteem. Sex should be enjoyable and fun, not something you do under a shroud.

It feels one-sided because it is one-sided. He gets BJs without giving back.

When you asked what the issue was and he told you, the next words out of his mouth should have been what he was doing to sort it out.
Although I have no clue why his legs going weak would be a problem unless you're doing it standing up.
Ask him if he's seen a GP about the sex issue. If he hasn't by now you should move on.
Life is too short for this level of fuckwittage.

Tell him it's not called having a 'knee trembler' for nothing, and that part of it is perfectly normal and temporary.

Then ask him what the real issue is, and listen.

In the nicest way possible, how can this even be a question? Surely you must know this isn't a proper romantic relationship.

So basically he’s a friend who you give blow jobs to on demand - this isn’t a relationship.

Honestly why have you wasted 5 years of your life on this farce?

It feels one sided because that’s what it is.

When you say you are in a relationship and see each other a couple of times a week , what does that exactly mean ?
Does he take you places , do you know his family , have you had weekends / holidays away , see each other on birthdays / Christmas Day / do something bank holidays
etc ? That is a relationship .

Yes you'll be given advice to speak to him again, because that's what you need to do.

What does he mean his legs go weak!? Can't you go on top? Is he a 7stone weakling? Why would his legs go weak?

It sounds like a lost cause though OP, sorry to say. A relationship with such problems in the early days is highly unlikely to go the distance.

You aren’t compatible. Simple as that. It doesn’t matter how much you get along there is more to a loving, intimate relationship than just friendship. The lack of sex is affecting your self esteem. One day, as is the way of things, someone will come along who desires you in that way. You’ll be flattered, self-confidence at an all time low and hungry for physical affection. Don’t find yourself as one of those people who never thought they would cheat, until they do. Your needs aren’t being met, and it’s okay to admit that. You need someone better suited to you, and if he is a nice person he also deserves someone who is satisfied by what he brings and doesn’t end up either cheating or resenting him.

I know his family, I get on really well with them. He still lives with his mum as he's her carer.
Never been on holiday, or slept overnight. We've been out twice to events, but it was me who bought the tickets.
He works full time too, and is knackered.

lovely, I can’t see it getting better. I think you should consider finding someone else! You deserve better!

Sorry but you are not in a relationship , FWB , yes , but not a relationship .
You've been out twice in 5 years ( and that was to your event/instigation )