Me and my boyfriend have been together near 5 years.
We met whilst in covid, so sex then was non existent, but he bigged up his game. We discussed birth control, and I went on the pill.
Obviously covid passed, and things went back to normal, but sex wise still didn't really happen. I think we've had sex about 6 times at the most in 5 years.
Our relationship is basically I give him head, and he uses his fingers 🙈 nothing more.
A couple of years ago I was built up with anxiety, constantly worrying whether it was my fault that we don't do it. I'm a plus size girl, he's quite skinny. I convinced myself that it was down to the way I looked. It made me really ill 😭
I ended up sending him a message, asking him why we don't do it, and was it because of me, and he said no, and that it was because his legs go weak 🤷🏼♀️
I'm still not convinced.
I'm usually feeling OK with the situation. There's more to life than sex, but now it's playing on my mind again.
Am I not desirable? Is it my weight? Why aren't we like normal couples?
I don't expect it every night, but it's making me question myself, and I'm now starting to think it must be me, but then I have had unwanted attention off men, so maybe my size isn't the issue?
I know I'm going to get the answers that I should speak to him again, but I'm not sure what's the point as he apparently told me the reason before.
I'm just struggling, I feel hurt, undesirable, and sad.