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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Naked (and wobbly) in a new relationship at the age of 47

34 replies

DaisyDaisyDaisy3 · 11/05/2025 07:53

I have been divorced about 15 years and have 3 grown up children. I have lost alot of weight over the years and left with a bit of loose skin (especially around my tummy), my boobs are not great but when I’m dressed, a bra and the right fitting clothes disguise a lot! I’m about a size 16 now. I was a 12 but put some weight back on after a back injury.
I have always been conscious about my body and find it difficult to be naked. I have had a couple of relationships after my divorce but always been semi naked. It has been questioned and I become very uptight about talking about it and it’s probably unsexy but I am so embarrassed.
I have met someone new and it’s been a couple of months so we have spoke about going somewhere for the night! He goes to the gym and is quite fit! We are going away on the weekend and I am so nervous. I don’t know how to handle this! If it was a little bit of extra weight but it’s not! I have thought about underwear but you can’t keep that on can you?!
He obviously is attracted to me but I’m wearing clothes! I just can’t be confident naked! How do you ever change that? I’m trying to lose weight and joined the gym a few months ago but my tummy will never change now at my age!

OP posts:
Cakencookieobsessed · 11/05/2025 08:01

He will have an idea of what you look like naked. He knows you're big and he's attracted to you. He'll be even more attracted with your clothes off. Some men prefer a bigger woman anyway. If you're worried, talk to him about it and I bet he will reassure you.

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 08:04

He is attracted to you at the size you are, he wants to go away with you and he just wouldn’t do that if he didn’t want to have sex with you, see you naked etc. Men know there will be some sag under clothing after a certain age or pregnancies

I’m mid 40s and I sag in various places due to extreme weight loss and c sections etc, men can see what I look like and just haven’t been bothered during sex, they have been just as into me/keen afterwards and this is a variety of ages. It’s about the connection.
Confidence is a turn on. Try and embrace the fact he wants you and let yourself go, you will have a lot more fun that way!

SquadGoals75 · 11/05/2025 08:08

I get where you’re coming from. My c section belly is awful. I wear sexy knickers but high rise which helps me feel more confident. Check out Boux Avenue website.

Keep going to the gym for your own wellbeing, and enjoy yourself. He’s bloody lucky to be dating you.

PermanentTemporary · 11/05/2025 08:08

I'd say if you want to keep underwear on, do, but make it the right underwear. I found what I wanted on lovehoney where there's lots of choice, though obviously some of the options on there are a bit, um, assertive. I bought what was essentially a camisole made of a pretty bra and a stomach cover. A lot of goggling of 'baby doll' got me nowhere. I'll see if I can find it.

After that, try your very best to be in the moment and focused on looking at him and enjoying the sight of him.

Jurassicparkinajug · 11/05/2025 08:14

He will look at you differently to how you look at yourself; we tend to focus on our worse bits. It’s really hard to let go and feel attractive but if you can manage it, it is more sexy. Pretend you have the body you want. Enjoy it and have a good time.

PermanentTemporary · 11/05/2025 08:15

This reply has been hidden

This reply has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Endofyear · 11/05/2025 08:23

Listen, your body is 47 years old and has birthed 3 children - be proud of it! No-one's body is perfect and your new fella fancies you for you. He won't care about a bit of loose skin, stretch marks or wobbly bits! Buy yourself some nice underwear that you feel comfortable in, have some low lighting and just go for it! Confidence is sexy so just concentrate on having a good time and don't focus on what your body looks like. In my experience, if a man is in bed with a naked lady, he's going to be happy, not worrying about wobbly bits!

PermanentTemporary · 11/05/2025 08:24

Oh dear my post has been reported. Apologies if that was too much.

C080889 · 11/05/2025 08:31

As someone with a few hetro male friends they all say the same, they dont even notice our perceived flaws. They are happy to have a naked woman infront of them.
This is the one time I support mens lack of awareness. I asked a guy what he thought of my scar... he was like what scar 🤣

Original poster
DaisyDaisyDaisy3 · 11/05/2025 08:33

Thankyou so much everyone! I’m going to try to be but I’m so so insecure about it! If he even tries to cuddle me, I am so paranoid. I have mentioned it, and said ‘oh no, don’t touch my tummy’. He looks at me confused and wonders why I’m so jumpy! He has said that everyone has insecurities. I’m just so worried about him touching my tummy!
What if he wants to take a shower? I’m having so many thoughts about what may happen!
Thankyou for your advice and encouragement, means a lot!
permanenttemporary - I didn’t read what you wrote, all I can see is it has been deleted?

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 08:38

C080889 · 11/05/2025 08:31

As someone with a few hetro male friends they all say the same, they dont even notice our perceived flaws. They are happy to have a naked woman infront of them.
This is the one time I support mens lack of awareness. I asked a guy what he thought of my scar... he was like what scar 🤣

So true, they don’t see our “flaws” how we see them, same as other women. When I’m with a man I’m not noticing scars or wobbly bits, just see the whole person. And seeing people generally out and about I don’t see anything negative

TennesseeStella · 11/05/2025 08:42

Cakencookieobsessed · 11/05/2025 08:01

He will have an idea of what you look like naked. He knows you're big and he's attracted to you. He'll be even more attracted with your clothes off. Some men prefer a bigger woman anyway. If you're worried, talk to him about it and I bet he will reassure you.

Big?! She's size 16. It's average.

Crazyladee · 11/05/2025 08:45

Cakencookieobsessed · 11/05/2025 08:01

He will have an idea of what you look like naked. He knows you're big and he's attracted to you. He'll be even more attracted with your clothes off. Some men prefer a bigger woman anyway. If you're worried, talk to him about it and I bet he will reassure you.

Ouch! Size 16 is not really big!

category12 · 11/05/2025 08:50

DaisyDaisyDaisy3 · 11/05/2025 08:33

Thankyou so much everyone! I’m going to try to be but I’m so so insecure about it! If he even tries to cuddle me, I am so paranoid. I have mentioned it, and said ‘oh no, don’t touch my tummy’. He looks at me confused and wonders why I’m so jumpy! He has said that everyone has insecurities. I’m just so worried about him touching my tummy!
What if he wants to take a shower? I’m having so many thoughts about what may happen!
Thankyou for your advice and encouragement, means a lot!
permanenttemporary - I didn’t read what you wrote, all I can see is it has been deleted?

Well you're definitely going to put him off if you're all like eek don't touch there and don't cuddle me.

Nothing wrong in saying "I'm a bit self-conscious about my tummy, please avoid touching it" but give him some encouragement to touch you other places. If he doesn't respect your request, then that's information about him and the sort of man he is. Remember, you're checking him out as well, it's not just about whether he likes you.

If he wants a shower together, let him go in first then drop your towel/bathrobe and get in close. After all, it's not about spectacle, it's about sensation.

minnienono · 11/05/2025 08:52

Try not to worry, I know exactly how you feel as I was 46 when I met my now dh but in the moment i didn’t care at all! He isn’t that small himself that helps though

KitsyWitsy · 11/05/2025 08:55

It's easier said than done but please don't worry so much about it. I am 46 and my body is a disaster. Stretch marks are the least of my problems. I am saggy af after losing weight and I am a 16 also. I have been dating recently and I am in a new relationship and they all loved my body. So much so that I have got to the point where I don't even care about being fully nude anymore. They gave me that confidence. This man should do the same for you and if he doesn't, he's not right for you.

Seaoftroubles · 11/05/2025 09:03

OP l'm sure he realises you have a few wobbly bits. He's held you and you've mentioned your tummy so l am guessing so it won't be a shock Be proud of your body and try to act confidently even if you feel a bit shy. You don't have to shower with him if you feel too vulnerable, it's totally up to you. Just try to relax and have fun!

SongsAndSunglasses · 11/05/2025 09:07

I'd say he has a good idea of what you look like naked already, years of porn watching, social media exposing all of our tricks and having had sex with women makes men very good at deciphering the female body even in flattering clothes and shapewear they already know.
If he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't have dated you. You have to find a way to accept yourself.
You could have the best body naked and your fella cheat on you or dump you after using you for sex or struggles to get it up. You can't rely on men's reaction and approval of your appearance for self confidence.

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 09:07

Crazyladee · 11/05/2025 08:45

Ouch! Size 16 is not really big!

Show quote history

I winced when I heard that too and I’m a 12, it’s overweight but certainly not big.

Original poster
DaisyDaisyDaisy3 · 11/05/2025 09:09

Thankyou everyone, this helps to read!
So good to read about all you ladies confidence stories!
I’m trying so hard not to worry. The thought of him being put off makes me nervous or him having negative thoughts but I know if that is the case, it says alot about him and he’s not meant for me.
It’s my boobs too! Sorry to keep going on as you have all been so helpful! My boobs are a bit umm, droopy (can’t think of a word for them). So when I lie down my boobs kinda of droop. This has only been in the last year. Then stood or sat up, they are certainly not pert.
Ps - I do let him cuddle me, I’m just a bit uncomfortable around the tummy area. I have mentioned it but he say, he wants to touch me every where and talks about his insecurities and says everyone has them.

OP posts:
BedBathAndBeyonce · 11/05/2025 09:10

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 08:04

He is attracted to you at the size you are, he wants to go away with you and he just wouldn’t do that if he didn’t want to have sex with you, see you naked etc. Men know there will be some sag under clothing after a certain age or pregnancies

I’m mid 40s and I sag in various places due to extreme weight loss and c sections etc, men can see what I look like and just haven’t been bothered during sex, they have been just as into me/keen afterwards and this is a variety of ages. It’s about the connection.
Confidence is a turn on. Try and embrace the fact he wants you and let yourself go, you will have a lot more fun that way!

”Confidence is a turn on.”

My dearest wish is for all women to know this! Have fun — he’s clearly into you; all you should care about is will you like HIM?

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 09:10

SongsAndSunglasses · 11/05/2025 09:07

I'd say he has a good idea of what you look like naked already, years of porn watching, social media exposing all of our tricks and having had sex with women makes men very good at deciphering the female body even in flattering clothes and shapewear they already know.
If he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't have dated you. You have to find a way to accept yourself.
You could have the best body naked and your fella cheat on you or dump you after using you for sex or struggles to get it up. You can't rely on men's reaction and approval of your appearance for self confidence.

So true, infact I’d go as far as saying the “perfect” beautiful slim celebs get cheated on more than anyone. Not just celebs but all the fit glam looking people seem to complain about men cheating more than anyone.

Porn and the media, influencers etc have done a number on our confidence but good men know that’s not real.

Disturbia81 · 11/05/2025 09:11

category12 · 11/05/2025 08:50

Well you're definitely going to put him off if you're all like eek don't touch there and don't cuddle me.

Nothing wrong in saying "I'm a bit self-conscious about my tummy, please avoid touching it" but give him some encouragement to touch you other places. If he doesn't respect your request, then that's information about him and the sort of man he is. Remember, you're checking him out as well, it's not just about whether he likes you.

If he wants a shower together, let him go in first then drop your towel/bathrobe and get in close. After all, it's not about spectacle, it's about sensation.

Show quote history

Exactly, this shouldn’t just be about if he likes you, it’s will you like him?

wrongthinker · 11/05/2025 09:13

Maybe it's too soon for sex with this guy? A bit of nerves is okay, but you sound like you're really worried. Maybe you need to have a frank conversation with him about your insecurities. Is he willing to go slow and give you reassurance every step of the way? Can he find ways to help you feel desired and accepted? If not, then maybe he's not the right person for you.

I don't know if that makes sense to you OP. For me, if I couldn't have these open and honest discussions with my partner, I wouldn't be having sex with him. There is nothing more intimate or vulnerable than sex and I would want to feel safe with my partner before going there.

MorningSunlight · 11/05/2025 09:14

I’m a bit bigger than you and a bit older. I’m definitely wobbly in all the wrong places but my DP who I met a few years ago honestly thinks I’m the sexiest thing ever, I don’t get it at all but men don’t think like we do - it’s not only that they don’t care, half the time they don’t even notice!

You sound like you’ve got a good one and he’ll just be delighted to enjoy all the fun stuff together and the things you think are off putting won’t even come into it.