Naked (and wobbly) in a new relationship at the age of 47

[DaisyDaisyDaisy3]

I have been divorced about 15 years and have 3 grown up children. I have lost alot of weight over the years and left with a bit of loose skin (especially around my tummy), my boobs are not great but when I’m dressed, a bra and the right fitting clothes disguise a lot! I’m about a size 16 now. I was a 12 but put some weight back on after a back injury.
I have always been conscious about my body and find it difficult to be naked. I have had a couple of relationships after my divorce but always been semi naked. It has been questioned and I become very uptight about talking about it and it’s probably unsexy but I am so embarrassed.
I have met someone new and it’s been a couple of months so we have spoke about going somewhere for the night! He goes to the gym and is quite fit! We are going away on the weekend and I am so nervous. I don’t know how to handle this! If it was a little bit of extra weight but it’s not! I have thought about underwear but you can’t keep that on can you?!
He obviously is attracted to me but I’m wearing clothes! I just can’t be confident naked! How do you ever change that? I’m trying to lose weight and joined the gym a few months ago but my tummy will never change now at my age!

Most peoples boobs are not pert unless very small, mine haven’t been pert since I was 15 🤣 Men just want to touch them, I’ve had mine commented on positively and enthusiastically by several people as they are great to play with (due to being floppier!)

If it's really affecting you and making you unhappy you could get a tummy tuck.

I have mentioned it but he say, he wants to touch me every where and talks about his insecurities and says everyone has them.

And this is information about him and you should pay attention to it.

He may think he's being reassuring, but he's also being dismissive and not respecting your boundary.

I'd be firm and say something like "No, this is not about what you want though. I'm aware other people have insecurities. But this is about me feeling comfortable and building my confidence. If you want us both to have a good time, stop touching my stomach. Maybe at some point I'll be happy with it, in which case I'll guide your hand there, in the meantime, leave it alone."

Honestly I'd see it as a bit of a red flag that he's ignoring what you're saying.

Ok, thankyou 😊
I will try to talk to him about it. Yes, I have questioned if it’s the right time but I think I will always be this way! I will talk to him about it, it’s just so personal.
I couldn’t afford a tummy tuck! I’m hoping to lose a couple of stone. It’s something I have always struggled with (never even been in a swim suit in front of anyone), and at my age, I’m just fed up with my own feelings/thoughts around it and just want to just relax with someone.
Like someone mentioned about porn and social media. There are so many ‘perfect’ bodies. I know men realise, it’s not all real or average. I’m grateful to be able to share here, Thankyou everyone.

Just read the red flag comment. Oh really? I didn’t think about it that way!

No, neither did I! It sounds like he's just trying to reassure you that he really likes you.

It could be he's trying to be reassuring, but if he persists in ignoring what she's saying about how she's feeling and touches her where she doesn't want to be touched because he thinks he knows better, then it doesn't bode well for him taking her seriously on other things either.

I think how he responds to her boundary is a signal.

When I first started seeing my bloke, I similarly didn't want my tummy touched. And guess what, he listened and didn't touch it. He can now, but it was a real green flag for me that he respected what I said.

The link was to a chemise type thing from lovehoney but maybe the link ended up being to their home page which is about other things! Tbh most men in my experience just love a naked body to be close to and to touch.

I think this is so very sad, but also how a lot of us feel. Therapy has really helped me see that we have a tiny little bit of time on this earth and older you will look back and possibly feel regret at how you weren’t able to accept yourself as you are right now. How often do we lop back at older photos and think, actually I didn’t look half bad - the same will be true of you now!
Yes you aren’t quite happy with how you look or feel and totally get the nerves but what if you turned it all around and started seeing yourself as the most precious thing possible. Counteract those negative sentences with a positive affirmation - my body has looked after me everyday, it allows me to move and exercise and it is enough - each time those horrible little thoughts spring to mind.
At the end of the day, if he’s not for you or the other way around then you’ve found out early on and you move onto the next experience.
Truly see yourself as the prize, because you truly are ♥️