If you suggest going for a drink with someone

[SugarPlumpFairyCakes]

and they respond that you come over for lunch with other people they've invited in 8 weeks time, it kind of means they're not really interested in being your friend, right?

I'm not sure, I think some people genuinely are that busy. They've invited you to their house, to meet their other friends, which is quite a compliment really. I don't invite people I don't consider friends into my home to socialise with people I do consider friends.

I guess you could reply and thank them for the invite, but also say you'd love to catch up just the two of you soon?

No. I know the other people they've invited and I'm not fond of them.

I think I will say I'm already booked up on that day and politely decline. Take the hint. Weird though because I thought we got on really well when we met at a group event.

Not to worry

If I did that to someone it would be a compliment - it meant that I wanted them to hang out with my friends

but in any case - people are busy - I wouldn’t take it as not wanting to be friends

if it was a romantic thing I would think it meant that there not interested romantically but they do want you as a friend d

No romance at all. Just had a lot of fun with them at another event. Gay couple who have straight friends. I know the people they've invited along and I'd rather not spend time with them.

I feel like it's a "fit her in with others" and I must have misinterpreted that we had clicked as people. Not to worry.

Again if it was romantic then yeah I'd say not interested. But I think this is a compliment as others have said - unless do they know you don't like the other people? I just think it's such an easy thing to bat off and make an excuse for if you didn't want to spend time with that person which then makes me think they genuinely want you to be there, it maybe just fits with their schedule better to do that.

I would definitely say they want to see you. Too easy to make an excuse if you didn't in that situation and they haven't

I agree with @2024onwardsandup . I would consider it a compliment!

I think it means they like you! As a friend

They def like you.

You’ve offered friendship and they’ve suggested something in line with that. They just haven’t realised that your “let’s go for a drink sometime” was specifically that you wanted to go for a one-on-one drink only, rather than find opportunities to see each other again and spend time together. I’d probably do likewise tbh, if I wanted to be friends with somebody and already had something arranged, I’d invite them along to that. Inviting a new friend to spend time with your other friends takes a lot of trust, and shows they like you. If it’s not your bag, decline and then be specific about arranging the drink.

I think this is a totally normal invite and you’re over thinking it.

Whats wrong with going over for lunch with a few others? Why do you specifically need to meet this person on your own to be friends with them?

Why would you make up an excuse to decline if you want to be friends?

Asking someone to go for a drink signals you are asking for a date (or it might look like a date to others).

Responding to invite you to a group thing is making it clear they want to spend time with you, but want to be clear it’s not a date.

I would take that they don’t want to give you the wrong idea being on your own together so feel like inviting you out as a group will detract that attention , I don’t think they are interested coz they don’t want to see you by themselves . That’s my view of the situation.

They're gay men.

I’m going to go against the flow and say that they probably don’t want to give up their time for drinks with you so they’re inviting you to a group event where they don’t have to put in extra time/effort. It doesn’t mean that they don’t like you, but perhaps they just don’t have time for more friends in their life. Being asked to meet for a drink one-on-one suggest that the person asking is probably interested in building up a friendship rather than just wanting a one-off drink, and some people have large social circle and just can’t/don’t want to invest more time in new people. Don’t take it personally.

They are trying to include you in their social circle. I'm really struggling to see how that is not a nice gesture.

Gabitule, I think you are right here.

I don't want to spend time with the other people they've invited. I don't particularly like them. My time is valuable too. And I did want to cultivate a friendship with these two but they're probably really busy with loads of friends already.

I'm not taking it personally or offended. I'm just recognising it for what it is.

I think if they read this they'll be going off you, you sound hard work.

I agree with you OP. I would consider that a brush off.

If they were eager to be your friend, they’d suggest something sooner, and not in a group

They are inviting you to there house so yes they are interested in you

If you don’t want to go suggest something else

I think you are being a bit small minded, if you want to cultivate friendships you have to compromise. If you really don’t like the other people going for dinner, suggest something else

I’ve been pursuing someone for a friendship for two years - they only recently try came out for drinks - sometimes people just don’t have time - we had a great time and I’m glad I pursued. You can’t be precious making friends as a grown up.

Because I am very choosy about who I spend my time with? That's ok then. I don't mind being hard work. I don't want to spend time with people I don't particularly like.

Wait 8 weeks to spend time with people you don’t like so much? Why bother. Even as an unromantic friend this is just too far away, too impersonal

How well do you know the other people that you say you don't like? What don't you like about them?

Some people are group socialisers/ hosts rather then 1:1 friends. If you are judgey of their other friends perhaps they aren't the great match you think they might be? I'd be tempted to go to the group meet up, see how the couple you do like behave around those friends and then reassess the situation.

If I met a new person I'd quite like to see how they gel with my friend group before I invested time in hanging out 1 on 1.

But you wanted to be their friend in one post, you invited them for a drink and because they have not agreed only to your specific request you now dont like them?

something seems odd