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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

If you suggest going for a drink with someone

29 replies

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 06/05/2025 20:43

and they respond that you come over for lunch with other people they've invited in 8 weeks time, it kind of means they're not really interested in being your friend, right?

OP posts:
user13457798 · 07/05/2025 08:00

I think you have to separate in your mind how you feel about the other invitees from the invitation. They presumably like these other people and assumed you would too.

I would totally do that, invite someone I liked to come to a lunch or dinner at my house with other friends. I think you're reading something in that very well might not be there. I think you should go, and see how you feel about it once you've been.

And, gently, you do sound a bit childish on this.

bostonchamps · 07/05/2025 08:04

You've mentioned them being a gay couple twice which is weird - what's their sexuality got to do with anything.

BlueEyedBogWitch · 07/05/2025 08:07

bostonchamps · 07/05/2025 08:04

You've mentioned them being a gay couple twice which is weird - what's their sexuality got to do with anything.

I think OP was responding to suggestions that there might be a romantic element to her invitation.

Waterbreakingwaves · 07/05/2025 14:53

Haven't RTFT but I think it's fine.

I used to be fairly intense when it came to friendships, I liked the look of people or I got on with them, so then I "friendship pursued them" 1-1.

I felt uncomfortable/anxious in group dynamics so I preferred the idea of "my" friends.

I think I was swimming against the tide though and probably coming across as too intense/needy/possessive.

Most decent mainstream people probably don't have lots of 1-1 time for new people. Especially at the working stage of life.

With work, partner, family and self-care....its a bit too much investment prioritising a new person (even if you really get on and enjoy their company).

It's more the social norm to hang out a bit, get to know people, and see them on a situational/pragmatic basis.

I'm in the same boat myself now - I'm quite happy with my life, I have social groups I drop in on. I've learned to control my anxiety in bigger groups (journalling or breathing exercises immediately after!).

OP unless you're all at the retired stage of life, or you're all trust fund babies, I think it's fine just hanging out in a group rather than immediately prioritising setting up some intense 1-1 thing.

Don't overthink it, just turn up, try to chill, don't worry too much if things don't pan out.

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