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Original poster

Dating someone with a drug problem

53 replies

Lm404061 · 06/05/2025 15:12

I’ve been dating someone quite intensely for 2 months. I really like and care about them. We have a great time and I havnt felt this way about someone in a while. Dating is the pits and it seems like there is no one decent out there, at least that wants to commit. I am early 30s for context.
early on I knew they dabbled with drugs but I thought this was very occasional use, which I don’t have a problem with.
however, it has become apparent it’s every week (that I know about).
the person also obsessively exercises everyday because they say if they don’t then they feel like shit. I think this may be linked to the drug use.
sometimes I see them and they are so tired and hungover it’s not fun.
i have tried to gently broach the subject a couple of times but they clearly don’t think their use is a problem.
I did it with them a couple of times so I feel like now i can’t really say anything as I would be a hipocrete. I have made it clear to them that I have no interest in doing it more than 1 - 2 times a year as I don’t want to make a habit of it. I have stuck to this even though they have offered me some.
im actually starting to feel really sad for them. Im being trying not to cry at work today as i saw them yesterday and they were so hungover and seemed quite down but very affectionate and into me still.
I really care and want to help them.
has anyone had any experience of this sort of situation and does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
RubyRubyRubyRubyAhAhAhAhAhAaaah · 06/05/2025 16:30

How old are you both? Not that it is especially pertinent. I just struggle with people who are over 25ish and still doing drugs at the weekend, but maybe I'm an old fart.

I'd honestly break up with him or her. I just don't think you can have a healthy relationship with someone who is regularly taking drugs which is giving them a come down which you can see by looking at them. Sounds so miserable op. You can do better!

RubyRubyRubyRubyAhAhAhAhAhAaaah · 06/05/2025 16:33

RubyRubyRubyRubyAhAhAhAhAhAaaah · 06/05/2025 16:30

How old are you both? Not that it is especially pertinent. I just struggle with people who are over 25ish and still doing drugs at the weekend, but maybe I'm an old fart.

I'd honestly break up with him or her. I just don't think you can have a healthy relationship with someone who is regularly taking drugs which is giving them a come down which you can see by looking at them. Sounds so miserable op. You can do better!

Edited

Oh sorry, just saw you're early 30s. Are they a similar age?

CharSiu · 06/05/2025 16:35

Dump them and never look back.

PithyLimeViper · 06/05/2025 16:36

This person is not your problem, move on and do not look back. Addiction is like a black hole and you owe them nothing. Do not get sucked in. If they want to change they will.

DaisyChain505 · 06/05/2025 16:37

Move on and work on your self worth so you can get to the point where you don’t even see someone like this as a potential match.

Hatty65 · 06/05/2025 16:40

Don't get involved with someone with a drug problem. Particularly one who thinks they don't have an issue.

You can already see what their priority is - and it is drugs. Not you. Or anything else.

Dump and move on now.

Maddy70 · 06/05/2025 16:44

Occasional use I would have zero issues with. Weekly or more often I would have a problem with. It's super expensive too

InALonelyWorld · 06/05/2025 16:44

Kindly @Lm404061 RUN. You can NOT help an addict, no matter how much you care for them. I speak from experience with an deadbeat ex and a family member who died from their addiction. I wish I had gave myself a shake and left ex the first time i became aware of this instead of ignoring it and believing they had quit. This is now a guy who has never once seen or paid a penny for his DD because it would deprive him of his drug money.

ERthree · 06/05/2025 16:48

If you stay then all i can say is more the fool you.

Iamuhtredsonofuhtred · 06/05/2025 16:51

I’m divorcing a Coke addict. I really can’t overemphasise the amount of devastation that loving an addict does to you; I don’t think I’ll ever be the same, and a huge amount of trauma for our children, so much guilt, shame, life is so complicated and chaotic. He turned from being a sweet man who loved me and adored our daughter to being an aggressive bully who DD barely speaks to. He’s 42 and hugely overweight, looks like total shit, has many health problems and his behaviour is so unpredictable. He’s stolen from me, stolen from his children. I have to live every day with the fact that my kids don’t have a normal dad. Sometimes I think it’d be easier if he’d died. Please don’t do this to yourself.

Grenola · 06/05/2025 16:51

Please please just walk away. It’s only been a matter of weeks I have connected with this person. No time at all to develop real feelings…. Toxic u healthy connections make it feel real.i know, I’ve been there. get out now and avoid your pain later. This has potential for blowing up your life.

you can’t help them, it’s not your job to anyway. If you are wanting to ‘fix them’ now this early on it’s really worrying.

out your happiness first.

dating is the pits your right but doesn’t mean u need to lower your bar.

ge seems to have some unhealthy coping mechanisms and that it just what u know with barely even knowing him at all

x

Justmuddlingalong · 06/05/2025 16:52

Dating is the pits and it seems like there is no one decent out there, at least that wants to commit.
So you've decided that this is better than nothing?
I'd much rather be alone.

Profhilodisaster · 06/05/2025 16:53

You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you stay with them . Debt , lies , mood swings etc.
Please don't be deluded and think you are the one to save them, you can't.

Bibi12 · 06/05/2025 16:54

The whole point of relationship is that it makes life better- less stressful, easier, happier etc. You should be a united front taking on life's challenges together, not creating more challenges for each other.

You're already crying because of him at work . Why do you want to be with him?

Terrribletwos · 06/05/2025 16:55

How do you know he's not high when you're supposedly "connecting"? I suspect he is so this is not a real relationship anyway.

Fiery30 · 06/05/2025 16:57

2 months is too short a time for you to get so invested in his life or for you to have any kind of impact. He is not going to change his behaviour because you say so, as your situation is too new. And you will be wasting your time and feeling frustrated waiting for him to be different because that might not happen.

SpicedHerbalTea · 06/05/2025 16:59

I give you permission to send a text to this person, or call them, and say…

” Look, I’m sorry to say that this relationship isn’t working for me, and it’s not a direction I want to follow in future. All the best. Goodbye”

Then block everywhere and never go back.

MattCauthon · 06/05/2025 17:00

Eithe rthis person has a full blown addicrtion which means, while they may be functional now, that won't last. OR, at best, their social life and lifestyle revolves around drugs and that's not your scene.

Either way, this relationship is doomed I'm afraid.

I don't particularly care about people using recreational drugs. I wouldn't date anyone who did this regularly though - it's just not a lifestyle I'm interested in. And I dont' feel in the slightest bit bad about that. SIL has stopped inviting me to things because her crowd is into this and frankly, I find it all tedious. To be fair, she would be bored shitless at an evening out with my friends - we tend to eat and drink too much, giggle inappropriately, get a bit loud then go home and pass out.

dollyblue01 · 06/05/2025 17:04

How old is he ? I’d tell him you can’t continue why he does, but changes are he’s do it behind your back anyway, might seem ok now, but a few more months in when he’s too knackered all weekend to want to do anything or go anywhere you’ll realise it was a mistake, I’d rather be single than date a drug addict.
Datings not that bad that you have to accept anything surely.

DeepLimeBird · 06/05/2025 17:21

Just walk away. Wish them well and get on with your life. Life is too short to put up with this nonsense, you deserve someone who will enrich your life, not constantly have you on tenderhooks

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 06/05/2025 17:32

Totally depends on the drug imo. If they are a smack head... run for the hills. If they like a spliff once a week... that's doable.

Theunamedcat · 06/05/2025 17:37

"How to date a man with a potential drug problem"

Step one....don't

The end

You need to understand you are not a male rehabilitation centre
No you cannot change him
He is a bad bad BAD investment

Move on raise your bar you deserve a complete partner not a project partner

Said with kindness and sadly experience

Mischance · 07/05/2025 07:55

Run ....

Starlight7080 · 07/05/2025 08:07

Realistically you don't know how often. They may say once a week but it's probably daily. What drugs?
I would end it. Just gently say you don't want to be with someone dependant on drugs . They will probably say they are not.
But it may make them reconsider drugs in general.
And if your relationship is meant to be then in the future maybe try again

londongirl12 · 07/05/2025 08:17

It’s only been 2 months, get out of this relationship now. Or we’ll likely see a post in a few years where you have kids and a dead beat husband wondering how you can get out.