Partner threw away my purse containing sentimental jewellery.

[leilall]

Really upset with my partner, am I overreacting?
last week, I went on a family day out. I sit in the back usually with my toddler if it’s a long drive. And had placed the purse in the passenger seat pocket of the seat.

I usually have 2 purses (a card holder and a coin purse, receipts etc). In the back of the purse pocket contained a 23 year old, gold necklace, gifted by my father. I placed it in there as I needed the latch fixing. And planned to take it to a jewellery shop.

Anyway my partner decided to throw the purse away when finding it. Containing my necklace. His excuse was he thought it may have belonged to the previous owner of the car, as it didn’t have cards in. (he has had the car over a year) so my response was ‘why didn’t you just text me and ask just to confirm’ anyway we spent an hour driving around the place he dumped my purse.
And then he proceeded to apologise and transfer me £1000. I don’t know the value exactly as Iv had it for decades. But it was sentimental, I cannot just replace it. I have looked online cannot find it.
i actually cried when I found out (i’m heavy pregnant, emotional) but I’m just pissed with the lack of carelessness. Do I just let it go now? How would you act?

Sorry what? So someone desperate enough to pawn a necklace can then casually transfer £1000? That does not make any sense whether he plans to recoup the money later. If he had a bank balance healthy enough to transfer £1000 then he isn’t pawning jewellery

Where did your husband throw the purse, out the window????! How can you be driving around the general area where he dumped it?! Did he throw it into a bin? My first question would be, why didn't he discard the purse at home, after asking you about it? Didn't he check the contents? Most people would go through the purse first. Why did he automatically think it belonged to the previous owner of the car, when he's had the car for a year?!! Why didn't he recognise the purse as being yours?!! My husband would recognise my purse! My thoughts are: your husband either stole the necklace to pawn it, took it himself to get it fixed (but unlikely) or he's had someone in the car he shouldn't and panicked. Of course he could just be completely thoughtless, clueless, and innocent!!

Could he have had another woman in the car and thought she had left it there for you to find? Seems a bit strange to just chuck it out the window, he took the time to look inside.

Need more information on this bizarre story.

Side note though, I always find it really weird when people travel in the back with children instead of at the front with their partner.

I would end the relationship. He sounds awful. He should not have thrown away your purse..

What a strange story. No-one throws a purse away without checking the contents. Plus, if it's her purse, the DH would have seen it and knows it's hers.

What's his explanation for throwing the purse out of the window?

Sorry, this sounds very fishy

Any detectives around? This reaction (chucking the purse without checking its contents) sounds very unlikely.

There’s only one logical explanation I believe. He searched his car to remove evidence of someone who should never have been there. He found the purse and hurled it in to bushes or something.
The £1000 was to appease his guilt.

Yup. This was my first thought too, and I’m not the suspicious type usually.

This is what popped into my head. He thought it was OW.
If he’d stolen it to sell he wouldn’t have sent her £1,000 as he’d have some form of having to feed!

Bullshit.

If my DH found a purse in his car, he’d assume it was mine. Even in a second hand car he would check the purse out and bring it to me with the question-found this in my car-is it yours or the previous car owners.

Your DP is a liar and a cheat

Does he usually just throw things on the street?

a bit of a weird story from him

Shagging someone else in the car, he thought it was hers

If you have a female partner you would assume it was hers ? And if not sure you’d ask, not throw it on the street.

Even if you thought an affair partner had left a purse with a gold necklace in your car why would you throw it away? Unless the affair has just ended wouldn't you keep it to give it back?

Absolutely. The only logical explanation.

So, he was searching the seat pockets of the passenger side, found a purse and just chucked it onto the street behind him? This make absolutely no sense.

Why was he searching the car? Why did the just throw it off into the road somewhere?

He sounds like an idiot and suspicious for randomly searching the car and throwing away a purse he found instead of assuming it was yours. And apparently also he litters.

Can women on this app please stop blaming their hormones when they have perfectly justified reactions to bad behaviour? It’s infuriating. OP: you being heavily pregnant has nothing to do with you reacting in a justifiable way to being treated badly by your partner.

I’d he decided to clean out his car and found a purse, the first thing he would think is that you had been sitting there and did it belong to you. Or if he thought I belonged to the cars previous owner why didn’t he show you his find?

He’s bullshitting you and is nasty.

Hmm. Does he do other things that upset you?

I suspect that this was deliberate with malevolent undertones.

I doubt it is an OW because he would have been curious to see what was in all the pockets of her purse had it been someone he was seeing on the sly and would have found the necklace and kept it. The most innocent explanation is that he wanted to give his car a clean and just did that whirlwind thing where if you find anything, you just chuck it in haste. This would also explain why he is so repentent, as he just thought "old shitty purse, not mine, probably her crap" and threw it without a proper check. If this was a genuine mistake, I would let it go because mistakes do happen and it could be worse, you could have had all your jewellery stolen, etc etc. If I thought his story was suss, that would open a whole other can of worms.

He’s fibbing. There’s no way he’s had that car a year and thought something in it was from a previous owner. I’d bet he’s had someone in the car that shouldn’t be there and thought it was hers and dumped it in a panic.

This! So much this!

as a teen all my issues were minimised as “hormones”. When in reality I had ptsd.

even now in my family if I stand up for myself or get upset it’s “hormones”. No one every tries to dig any deeper and let me explain what the problem is.

o/p sorry but I also think it’s a touch suspicious. The only positive I could think is if he took it to the jewellers to fix as a surprise for you. But wouldn’t he have fessed up to that?

Option 1 He's lying.

He thought the purse belonged to someone who shouldn't have been in the car with him, and chucked it in panic.

Now he's realised it was yours and has panicked again.

The £1000 is not for the necklace, it's guilty panic money to keep you in your box.

Option 2 He knew it was yours and thought he'd mess with your head to keep you under control - but has lost his nerve.

Option 3 He knew it was yours, thought nothing of it because hey, it's only her crap, and chucked it - and has lost his nerve.

I'd be observing his behaviour very closely from now on and doing some investigations.