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Original poster

Boyfriend didn’t want to sleepover. Should I be offended?

49 replies

prettyinpink23x · 05/05/2025 11:56

We have been dating for 7 months. I became his girlfriend in December.

We both still live with parents looking to move out soon. It’s very rare we get a chance to stay over. Last month his parents went away so I stayed overnight. We have stayed overnight in hotels together. Yesterday my parents went away for the night so I invited him to stay. We went out for the full day and then he cooked for us and we watched a film. It got to 23:30 and he said I may sleep in my own bed tonight, you have a 3/4 double and Im tall.

I took offence to it and said we rarely get to sleep over together and he said Im sorry I am a bit of a loner and like staying in my own bed you’re the longest relationship I’ve had but I like alone time too. I understand this but it still hurt my feelings and I like alone time too but Ive still slept over at his before.

I think he doesn’t love me as much as he says he does because surely he’d want to spend as much time with me as possible when staying over is rare?

What do you think?

OP posts:
WillTheSHTFsoon · 05/05/2025 12:05

I think you sound 15.

Maybe he's being honest, you have a small and/or uncomfortable bed.

Maybe he's lying and doesn't want to spend the night with you for other reasons.

Rocknrollstar · 05/05/2025 12:06

He’s told you he needs to spend some time alone. This means he always will. Maybe he is not the one for you?

Jeezitneverends · 05/05/2025 12:06

You don’t even have a double bed -no way I’d be sharing a not quite double with someone !!! 🤣🤣🤣

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/05/2025 12:15

Time for a grown up bed 😆

Shitlord · 05/05/2025 12:24

Your bed is too small or honestly? He needed a poo and didn't really want to go with you in the house.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 05/05/2025 12:27

I'd be very wary - he's already laying the ground with the 'I'm a loner' and 'you're my longest relationship'. It suggests to me that he's going to be unavailable a lot later in the relationship, and that he doesn't have the relationship experience to know how unreasonable this is.

Augustus40 · 05/05/2025 12:34

You cannot expect him to sleep in a small bed. If he likes lots of space maybe find somebody else. Once you have a larger bed or have moved out that is!

CurlewKate · 05/05/2025 12:38

Do you only ever have sex when you have a “sleepover”? If so then yes, I’d be a bit surprised. If not, then early morning til 23.30 is a very long time..I might need to be alone for a bit after 14 hours together too!

Original poster
prettyinpink23x · 05/05/2025 12:40

CurlewKate · 05/05/2025 12:38

Do you only ever have sex when you have a “sleepover”? If so then yes, I’d be a bit surprised. If not, then early morning til 23.30 is a very long time..I might need to be alone for a bit after 14 hours together too!

No we did still have sex last night. We were together from 12pm to 11:30.

I didn't expect or want to force him to stay if he had said days ago I like staying in my own bed that would be fine but to drop it on me at 23:30 I thought was unfair.

OP posts:
whitewineandsun · 05/05/2025 12:42

He needs time alone and wants to sleep in a comfortable bed. It doesn't mean he doesn't like or love you. But listen to him because he will always need alone time. If you can't deal with that, he's not for you.

FruitFlyPie · 05/05/2025 12:50

I see this both ways. If it's a rare chance to stay over, I'd expect my bf to want to do so. However I wouldnt even share a double these days, let alone a single bed. In an emergency I'd prefer the couch or the floor.

Loopytiles · 05/05/2025 12:55

He should have mentioned it much sooner if he wasn’t wanting to stay.

If he was into you and able to compromise the small bed wouldn’t be a big deal for the occasional night.

The ‘loner’ comment and 7 months being his longest relationship seem red flags, unless he’s young.

JohnofWessex · 05/05/2025 13:24

I remember an ex and I crawling out of a single bed one morning & deciding that that was something we would not do again.........

BobbyBiscuits · 05/05/2025 13:27

Did he refuse sex? To be honest if I were you I'd just probably be horny and want some action. Then he can sleep wherever afterwards.

Are you not allowed to have him over when your parents are there? If you're an adult that seems a bit harsh. People over 18 are entitled to a sex/love life. Even if they do live with their family.

GustyBaloo · 05/05/2025 13:29

Does he play xbox? Sounds like he was desperate to get home for something.

I don't know how old you are, but usually sex and conk out regardless of bed. Unless a single.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/05/2025 13:31

He may be an introvert. They really need down time alone after a full day and night with someone.

I would understand (we have an introverted family member).

Original poster
prettyinpink23x · 05/05/2025 13:32

BobbyBiscuits · 05/05/2025 13:27

Did he refuse sex? To be honest if I were you I'd just probably be horny and want some action. Then he can sleep wherever afterwards.

Are you not allowed to have him over when your parents are there? If you're an adult that seems a bit harsh. People over 18 are entitled to a sex/love life. Even if they do live with their family.

Edited

No we had sex and I am but as its initial stages of dating we have held off inviting eachother round when parents are in.

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 05/05/2025 13:34

Ridiculous. I can't sleep in a 3/4 bed with my husband of 5 years let alone with someone I'm newly dating. Some people are different to you and will literally lie awake all night if they can't get comfortable/have enough space to sleep. You need to grow up if you're taking this personally.

BobbyBiscuits · 05/05/2025 13:34

prettyinpink23x · 05/05/2025 13:32

No we had sex and I am but as its initial stages of dating we have held off inviting eachother round when parents are in.

Show quote history

Ok fair enough. I don't think you should be massively hurt about where he wants to sleep. As long as he's good at sex and a nice person in other ways! X

FortyElephants · 05/05/2025 13:36

GustyBaloo · 05/05/2025 13:29

Does he play xbox? Sounds like he was desperate to get home for something.

I don't know how old you are, but usually sex and conk out regardless of bed. Unless a single.

Yeah, weirdly not everyone is the same?! I used to get boyfriends to sleep on the sofa bed if they stayed over and I would always try to go home after a night with a man. If I tried to sleepover most times I would be awake all night, literally no joke. I stopped doing that for years because I was only doing it to please a man who wanted me to stay. My now husband is a keeper and I knew that in part because he slept on the sofa bed for months before he was allowed to sleep in my bed - and only after I changed my double for a king sized.

Inwiththenewness · 05/05/2025 13:39

This miserable shit already? Been there, done that, get rid! It doesn’t get any better. You’ll be astonished how less of a high maintenance dick others are… save yourself the dreary fucking dragging out of this.

Onelifeonly · 05/05/2025 13:42

My dc have their partners to stay over at ours. They live here, so I think it's only reasonable.

Your nights where you can sleep together are infrequent so that makes this seem a bigger deal maybe than it is. Are your respective parents against it? I have friends who've expressed surprise I allow my children's partners to do so.

The loner / wanting time alone isn't necessarily a bad thing, though you'd need to be ok with it.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 05/05/2025 14:08

I hope you are moving out on your own. Doesn't sound like he is ready.

TheCurious0range · 05/05/2025 14:13

I can't share a double with DH who's is 6'4, he can't lay straight in anything smaller than a super king which then impacts how much leg room I have and at 5'9 I'm not short.
He was with you all day and evening, you had sex ,he just wants to sleep in a bed he can actually sleep in
Are you both very young? Is living with parents a long term plan for both of you? Is there a possibility for you to get a bigger bed?

Loopytiles · 05/05/2025 14:51

7 months isn’t usually ‘initial stages of dating’. Appreciate it’s unsexy to visit each other in parents’ houses when parents are there.