How would you take this message on OLD

[nocontactquery]

Lighthearted- let's not go all Aibi about this! Just wondering if you'd view this the same way...

Bit of chat with a guy on a dating app. He's slightly younger, lives in a much cheaper area (outside of a big city) and from what I can tell, has lower paying job than me. He asked what I did and I told him (professional job & he knows I'm living in a big city and I'm sure he therefore assumed I'm earning more than him).

So I told him what I did and just made a joke about how it's as exciting as it sounds (not very!) and he replied: "Riveting stuff. But pays the bills no doubt and also pays for a drink with me 😏"

How would you take this?

He hasn't asked me out yet (although I'm guessing this is his jokingly way of doing so!) but it's kind of given me the ick.. ok he might just be joking but why you even want to risk saying that and it being taken the wrong way. In my head he's saying "ok so do you want to go on a date but you'll be buying your own drink!" And yes I am the old fashioned type of woman who would expect a man to AT LEAST pay for the first round somewhere on a first date if you're asking me out..

I think if you know what you want, and what kind of man you would like to date/have a relationship with, this man isn’t in that box.

On to the next one.

He said “a drink”, not “the first drink”.

You have nothing to lose by carrying on the supposed ‘joke’ here … try taking the piss out of him about it, and see how that goes down.

Do you live far away from each other? Maybe he was meaning you could at least afford to travel to meet him - but that’s a stretch.

Post back and say in your dreams!

just reply saying you would not consider dating a man who did not pay for first date. If he runs, t you will know he is not your type!!

might be miscommunication - He may have meant - « you can afford to come out then, no excuses « type thing ?

I wouldn't take it any particular way. It's just banter.

The 'Riveting stuff' narked me. It's a put down in my opinion.

I spoke to a bloke like this and turns out he was jealous I had a better job and comments like 'riveting stuff' were slight digs at my work, making out it was boring, which I thought was really rude. I wouldn't really be taking offence at the buying of the drink part of that message, but I would at the first comment.

Nobody says “riveting stuff” unless they are being sarcastic. I don’t think you are compatible.

buy him a squash. with 2 straws

I'd respond "I'd perhaps stretch to a fruit shoot for you just now ".

I wouldn't be offended by that message, it just suggests he wants to go out.

The 'riveting stuff' remark doesn't read as rude to me either, you're the one who joked first about your boring job; he was just replying in a similar vein. What did you want him to say? OMG no, [eg accountancy] is so fascinating?!

I wouldn't think he's hinting you should buy your own drink, but I wouldn't assume he would pay either. Don't most people go dutch on first dates, especially OLD? He also writes in the way some younger guys do. It sounds like he's not the sort of guy you're looking for, so move on.

In my head he's saying "ok so do you want to go on a date but you'll be buying your own drink!"

No, he's saying you'll have to buy his drinks as well. I would lose all interest in him and wouldn't be bothered even talking to him. He's just told you that your wages are going to support him.

If conversation is good otherwise id presume he was just looking for a way to mention going out for a drink. If it's put you off though then part of the beauty of online dating is you can just move on.

I think he was intending to come across as flirty/cheeky. But he really hasn’t! It would definitely put me off

The riveting stuff was just a reply to you saying it’s boring so that part is fine. The other bit though reads to me like he expects you will be taking him out and footing the bill.

I think he sees himself as the younger better looking eye candy and you should be grateful and take him out.

I might just be a cynical old bitch though.

Yes he’s definitely insinuating he’s younger/more attractive.

From a Northern lass POV, just light hearted banter, I think analysing a comment like this is pointless he probably just wants to go for a drink and it is his clumsy way of getting it into the conversation.
Analysing it really just guessing, my response would have been yep up for a drink if you're paying!
Obviously if you were.

He's been rude and sarcastic about your job and also made sure to let you know you'll be paying for the first date....I wouldn't waste another second on him

OP, interesting range of interpretations but mine for what it’s worth is same as yours: urgh, gave me the ick just reading it! The ‘riveting stuff’ to me anyway comes off as patronising and sarcastic and the rest of it is an assumption that firstly you’re a high earner and that as a consequence he’d expect you to buy the drinks. I dunno could be harmless but any man that I’ve dated who has more sarcasm than genuine funny banter always ends up badly as they’re usually just emotionallly and intellectually unintelligent. But that’s me!

The people saying OP has nothing to lose - this is how sociopaths work. They do an early boundary push, to see how vulnerable to abuse you are. They don't want to waste time on boundaried people.

The people who still go on a date will find the boundary pushes gradually become bigger and bigger, until they are abuse.

Whereas normal men will want to impress you, not risk coming across as a freeloader

So OP, first poster is right - you know what you want, and this isn't it.

Didn't the OP write "riveting stuff ' about their own job - assuming she's an accountant or something.

I wouldn't like the bloke's comment either but I also hate some of the PP suggestions that that he should be prepared to pay for the first date.

Im not sure why anyone would think otherwise. People are serious about everything now!

Might be that you're quite opposite and it could work. I would take it as banter and give it back, it might be quite funny