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Original poster

How would you take this message on OLD

40 replies

nocontactquery · 04/05/2025 12:24

Lighthearted- let's not go all Aibi about this! Just wondering if you'd view this the same way...

Bit of chat with a guy on a dating app. He's slightly younger, lives in a much cheaper area (outside of a big city) and from what I can tell, has lower paying job than me. He asked what I did and I told him (professional job & he knows I'm living in a big city and I'm sure he therefore assumed I'm earning more than him).

So I told him what I did and just made a joke about how it's as exciting as it sounds (not very!) and he replied: "Riveting stuff. But pays the bills no doubt and also pays for a drink with me 😏"

How would you take this?

He hasn't asked me out yet (although I'm guessing this is his jokingly way of doing so!) but it's kind of given me the ick.. ok he might just be joking but why you even want to risk saying that and it being taken the wrong way. In my head he's saying "ok so do you want to go on a date but you'll be buying your own drink!" And yes I am the old fashioned type of woman who would expect a man to AT LEAST pay for the first round somewhere on a first date if you're asking me out..

OP posts:
Panama2 · 04/05/2025 13:51

I think he was just replying in the same vein about the job and he said for a drink with him not for him. I think there is a lot of over thinking going on.

SwedishEdith · 04/05/2025 13:54

SwedishEdith · 04/05/2025 13:35

Didn't the OP write "riveting stuff ' about their own job - assuming she's an accountant or something.

I wouldn't like the bloke's comment either but I also hate some of the PP suggestions that that he should be prepared to pay for the first date.

Oh, realise I completely misread who said "riveting stuff".

loropianalover · 04/05/2025 13:57

If I told a man my job and his first response is ‘pays the bills and pays for my drinks’, it’s a no. There’s lots of things you can ask someone about their job - how did you get into that area, how long have you been at the company, have you always wanted to work in X city, is this your dream role, do you get to WFH or do you prefer office life - so immediately referring to the money side of things comes across as insecure to me. I’m late 20s and I’d find it bad manners/unnecessary.

Cherrycola4 · 04/05/2025 14:02

Sounds like ‘negging’, patronising at best.

smallsilvercloud · 04/05/2025 14:30

Just throw him back, he’s trying to be funny but it says a lot doesn’t it? he doesn’t find your job interesting, can’t afford his own drink, it’s a disaster date waiting to happen, don’t waste your time.

Olika · 04/05/2025 14:47

my concern with him is that he wants you to pay every time if you were to date as you are earning more and he cannot afford/doesn’t want to pay. That would be a turn off for me.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 04/05/2025 14:58

Bloody hell, people are so touchy!

Since OP made the comment about her job being as interesting as it sounded, I'd read it that he was just responding with like. And the drink stuff was just a bridge from work to testing the waters to see whether you might be interested in meeting up. I certainly wouldn't assume he's expecting her to foot the bill, just that work work is a means to an end.

And no, I wouldn't expect a man to pay for me in this day and age, I'd expect to split a bill or each buy a drink.

MoominMai · 04/05/2025 15:55

MightAsWellBeGretel · 04/05/2025 14:58

Bloody hell, people are so touchy!

Since OP made the comment about her job being as interesting as it sounded, I'd read it that he was just responding with like. And the drink stuff was just a bridge from work to testing the waters to see whether you might be interested in meeting up. I certainly wouldn't assume he's expecting her to foot the bill, just that work work is a means to an end.

And no, I wouldn't expect a man to pay for me in this day and age, I'd expect to split a bill or each buy a drink.

People aren’t ‘touchy’ if they have a different interpretation to yours. And it’s interesting that the majority are of the opposing opinion also so it’s not just ‘some people’. Also, it’s true that she’d already told him that’s her job isn’t as interesting as it sounds but to that he replies “riveting stuff” - just seems a pointless thing to say when she’s already beaten him to the ‘punchline’ quite normal self derogatory joking. I mean like her, I wouldn’t expect the guy to empthasise the point in an unfunny way - if anything to be more gentlemanly and do the usual ‘sure it’s not that bad etc’. Same principle as you can be mean about yourself but don’t expect someone else to say yeah they agree! 😅. Agree with all the others red flag waits in the wings!

Augustus40 · 04/05/2025 15:59

This day and age men and women are surely expected to share the cost of a first date. You may never meet up for a second one.

Freeflight · 04/05/2025 16:19

This is the exact sort of comment I would love them to respond with. For me it opens that flirty banter.
I'd probably have made some quip about what drink I'd buy him or that it would be a shame to waste my hard earned cash if he wasn't awesome.
But it's a personal preference so if it doesn't work for you then move on. I hate people calling me babe, gorgeous, being soppy and romantic but others love it.
I would say not to take it personally though as it isn't really a comment you need to read into. I now get the ones saying they've never had a try on a 39 year old before and would quite fancy a ride one time....

winter8090 · 04/05/2025 16:35

I think it was a jokey way of asking you for a date.

i would expect him to buy the first drink on the actual date which will confirm……

Original poster
nocontactquery · 04/05/2025 22:29

loropianalover · 04/05/2025 13:57

If I told a man my job and his first response is ‘pays the bills and pays for my drinks’, it’s a no. There’s lots of things you can ask someone about their job - how did you get into that area, how long have you been at the company, have you always wanted to work in X city, is this your dream role, do you get to WFH or do you prefer office life - so immediately referring to the money side of things comes across as insecure to me. I’m late 20s and I’d find it bad manners/unnecessary.

Thanks...I think this is also something hitting the nail on the head a bit that I wasn't able to articulate... it felt like his main impression is like "ooh well you've got money then!" instead of any other comment about my job. I've actually only qualified recently and I did get a big payrise...but I'm also still paying off debt from the studying for it! Due to my age (late 30s), he's probably thinking I've worked in this job for ages and I'm established/minted but that's not the case!

And I also agree with the other comment someone made about how it's kinda OK for me to be self depreciating about my job (good example is accountant!) as it's because I wanted to get to the punchline before he made a negative comment as it kinda inspires that sort of comment...it would have been more usual for a man to have said something like "oh I bet that's good though because of x y z" or anything else...

I think I will throw this one back. Was just interested if I'd overthought it but my instincts are more aligned with the ones who are thinking it's negging etc too...

OP posts:
Waterbreakingwaves · 05/05/2025 01:44

I agree with pps - I'd assume he's basically just trying to chat /mirror your sarcasm style back, AND drop the bait about having a drink.

Obviously there is still potential for him being a weirdo but not based on that.

I think you're meant to reply with "great, when shall we do that drink" back. Then find somewhere convenient.

(If he starts directing you to champagne and cocktail bars and saying how broke he is and how he needs a sugar Mummy then RUN!!!!).

I don't think there's any assumptions at all about who is paying or not. Before you meet its just pinning down a physical meet to see if there's chemistry in person.

In general I think the current

etiquette is to assume you're buying your own for the first meet, although sometimes the guys insist on paying to show interest.

If worried you can probably just order and immediately pay for your own drink depending on how you pick the bar, no need to start a joint tab.

dontcryformeargentina · 05/05/2025 01:49

Comedycook · 04/05/2025 13:19

He's been rude and sarcastic about your job and also made sure to let you know you'll be paying for the first date....I wouldn't waste another second on him

100%… Next!

Profhilodisaster · 05/05/2025 02:05

The trouble with the ick is once it's there, it's hard to lose it , so if you overlook this comment, any further comments will trigger the ick again.

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