Husband can’t put our kids to bed

[Amyharkss]

I need help, or to know if anyone’s ever gotten out of the other side of this

my children (3 & 1) will not go to sleep for my husband, which means I can be trying to get them to sleep for my entire night.

my 3 year old will do her usual toilet, teeth and story, which she will let my partner do sometimes, but when it comes to the actual sleep part she refuses and he ends up caving and reading more stories and getting stuck in there until I come in and say it’s time for sleep.

the 1 year old has never slept through, to get him to fall asleep every night I have to hold his hand in the cot (don’t tell me this is the problem, I’m aware it’s an issue but you would do the same just to get them to bloody sleep). He will not let my partner put him down, he just screams and screams until I come into the room.

some nights I work until 8pm, their bedtime is 7, when I come home I then have to do bedtime with them both. It just doesn’t feel fair that I’m doing it all every night, but when my husband asks to swap I just say no because I know it’s going to take longer.
he’s not very authoritative with our 3 year old and she practically walks all over him, I tell him this is the issue and when he caves over everything I say this is why she never listens to you.

how on earth do I stop this so I can share this load because it’s becoming too much and I can feel my temper rising everytime they don’t go to sleep straight away and I don’t want to become that parent

OP, you need to resist the urge to step in and take over.

Otherwise, you'll end up like my friend. She's basically chained to the house in the evenings, and needs to be home at 7.30pm to "do bedtime" because her husband is apparently incapable of handling it by himself, and the kids need her there, blah blah blah. Which means that her social life and free time has taken a huge hit. It might be understandable if not for the fact that her kids are now aged 4 and 7.

Bloody hell have you had three years of this? Story, bath, teeth, bed. It’s not a negotiation. If you want it to be different you and your partner need to change. He needs to be more assertive, he can’t call on you as a get out and you can’t come in and undermine what he’s trying to achieve. Consistently is key, children need routine.

I tell him this is the issue and when he caves over everything I say this is why she never listens to you.

Says the woman who holds the hand of her one year old until he falls asleep. 😳
You say you want to share the load but it sounds like you want him to do as he’s told.

If you are to succeed you need to be a team and your children need to learn that they can settle themselves. So both of you have to decide on how to tackle betimes and both of you need to stick to it. This means that you also have to stop your own path of least resistance-handle holding until your one year old falls asleep ways.

It could take weeks for both of your children and you and your H to get out of the habits that they/ you have become used to.