Advice welcome...
been married 10 years together 18, 3 children and I am now at the end of my tether..
Context, I do all the house work / cooking / cleaning / bill paying / all 3 children activities & hobbies, school runs, parents evenings etc while holding down a full time job.
His typical behaviour
Takes no interests in my hobbies / life/ work or friends, always not picking about them,
if i ask him to look after our kids so i could perhaps do something he says he can't or if he does agree is always late, so it makes me late for to the person I have organised it with.
Self employed works non stop .. then goes and does work for other people ( doesn't need to successful partnerships buisness ) because he says enjoys it, this was ll last bank holiday when his children had been off school for 3 weeks and he hasn't done a anything with them, . I think this is more of a look what I've got and I can do, but is off on a expensive day out with his mates at the end of the month ( again school holidays that's the only day I can take off sorry you will have to manage )
always late never communicates when he is home. Just comes and goes as he pleases
does nothing around the house but constantly tells me I'm lazy, has taken to washing his own clothes but wouldn't put a wash on for the kids.. and then txts me from his bed to ask me to put his washing in the dryer.
loses his temper easily, blind fit or rage, cursing me under his breath "lazy fucking fat bitch" sort of thing.
struggles getting up in the morning if he needs to get up early .. he says I have to wake him up ( he is 40)
always helps other .. but always to busy to help me .. 3rd child c section 2nd day at home I got mastitis rang him to see if he could nip me to the doctors for Antibiotics .. sorry I can't you'll have to drive yourself.
i don't get on with his mum as she has the same controlling behaviours and snide comments .. he says the reason for our issues is I just need to get on with her.. so dismisses the way she has treated me and wants me to just suck it up for her and his sake ...
takes no interest in his kids lives/ hobbies says they take over everything, he sees them maybe a few hours on a Sunday but claims dad of the year and says he does everything with them.
always causes drama everywhere we go .. went on holiday .. to hot ... went to a water park he spent the day in the shade as he didn't want to get sunburn and I was running around after all 3 kids ..
my mum died he dropped me off at her house.. then when I tried to ring him a few hours later didn't answer my calls .. had to ring his mum who said is it true your mums dead ...
Had a birthday party for my daughter literally did everything while he worked .. begrudgingly invited his parents after the party I said did you parents have a nice time.. he said yes but my mums thinks your wasteful for recycling those paper plates ..
he says I spend to much.. I literally never go shopping and spend any spare money I have on my kids.
if he wants to do something / is asked to do something by friends ( pleasure time ) he always agrees and has never consulted me .. doesn't check to see if I or the kids might have something on, and then if I dare to question it he says fine I won't go if that's what you want:
the other day after I had had a few drinks and he thought he would get lucky, he said are you coming to bed I said yes I'm just having a few mins to myself be up in a min he went upstairs then came down and launched a shoe at me because I was to long,
A few months back same senario he smashed the tv because I wouldn't go to bed when he wanted.. then says I'm sorry but if you had just done as I had asked .
he has no patience loses his temper with the kids and it's got to the point where I don't trust him so very rarely go anywhere and if I do I have my heart in my mouth.
I was in hospital for 10 days last year, he rang me and said it wouldn't matter if I died he can manage the kids.. despite him never actually looking after them the whole time I was in there I was having to sort them out through family.
this is just the tip of the iceberg I could go on ... help 😔