Relationship

[ThisPoliteTaupeWasp]

I’m in a relationship, my partner moved in after being told he had to leave his property. He sad it’s my choice to have him here and if I don’t want him to he understands and will get alternative arrangements.
I said he could and he’s been here for about 3 weeks.i had explained my house is too small for everyone as i only have a 2 bed terrace and I also have a 13 year old. He has two kids one 19 and the other 13 . And all of a sudden he said can my children stay every other weekend. He said it’s my kids birthday and they are asking where they are going to stay. Bearing in mind their mother his ex wife has kept the family home so they have a big bedroom each as it’s a 3 bedroom semi detached.
then I said the younger one could stay in the Fri night after feeling terrible and guilty.
my partner said he’s missing his kids and already feels like a failure so I felt sad .
so they stayed , then he said can we convert your loft to make a bedroom , bearing in mind I have a lot of things in there which he said he would help me clear . But I still have things I want to keep. Plus it’s a tiny loft as a small terrace house . I have no money as I’ve also lost my job because my industry has folded.
im so stressed at the moment trying to make ends meet and going through the menaupause . And worry about my daughter too.
anyway I said no . I also said it’s just not going to work with 5 of us in my tiny house every other weekend.
so he said he’s going to move out and now he will have to pay full rent and bills.
im so upset and haven’t stopped crying.
then he told me his ex wife had been looking at houses for him close to her area . She’s always interfering and then he said by the way I’m going out with my mates watching football in a week’s time your not invited and I’m going to be drinking a lot so won’t be back that night and told my friend I’m staying at his.
Then he said he would be going out another time too. it hurt me so much . I was trying to explain how it makes me feel with his ex then he just cut me off . So i ended up exploding
there’s loads more to all of this . But before he moved in we had only been back together since this Christmas because he left me and went out with some one else. Then put it all over facebook how happy he was and a picture of this beautiful young woman. It hurt so bad.
so I feel like all this is too fast too soon .
he keeps reminding me he came back for me which he did after 6 months said he misses me . I’m so sad right now as I do love him but feel very emotional and upset

That women are complete and utter doormats who will tolerate absolute shit just to cling on to a useless man - what an example

Is the 19 year old a son or daughter?

How are you to blame that he has to pay full rent?
He was paying rent in his previous place.

He's gaslighting you, trying to make you feel responsible for his crap life and hoping you'll change your mind.

He's already cheated on you and hurt you. He doesn't care about you, he's nasty and spiteful.

Do you really want this sort of person in your life and in your child's life?

Please look in the mirror and say I am worth more, I deserve more, my child is worth more ,my child deserves more. Repeat over and over until you believe it because he is a complete user.💕

You shouldn't be in any relationship right now until you get some sense of self respect back.
Where are your boundaries? He cheated on you, left you for someone else, he drinks, he pressures you into things you don't want to do and undermines wellbeing of your daughter. Why on earth are you with him?

I can understand situations where women have shared children and are financially dependent but in your case all you have to do is say goodbye to him and ask him to move out. That's all.

This relationship is a disaster and your daughter will be the one paying the price for your choices. Think real hard - is it worth it?
You have your own house, apply for benefits you're entitled to while you're looking for a job. You and your daughter deserve so much more then this awful man, why can't you see that? Why do you worry about being "selfish " and what his ex thinks of you? This is really unhealthy and your focus should be on how to get out of this relationship and prioritise your child.
And why wouldn't he cheat on you again? He already cheated on you and in fairly new relationship, he learnt he can get away with it and he even expects you to be greatful that he is back (probably because his love interest left him or he got bored with her). Ofcourse he will cheat again!