Think my husband has a secret porn habit

[Flowerpotblooms]

Hi, I think My husband has a porn habit but I didn't know how to ask him without it causing even more damage.

I know he downloads and looks at porn (all vanilla, legal and nothing surprising). I know cause I suspected and I snooped on his laptop and saw it. There are near daily downloads.

We have a child but a pretty non existent love life, he had a autoimmune issue a few years ago and he said it took its toll on his labido. So I relaxed about it. Then i started to suspect he was "sorting himself" out with the porn - while I'm on the house but downstairs or when I've gone to bed. And sure enough, he does have a labido - sadly just not for me.

I've gone quite distant from him, not rude but we are definitely more flatmates now which I hate.

If I confront him, any changes he makes will feel like it's cause he got caught, not cause he wants to. And I know I shouldn't have snopped on the laptop - which I know wasn't right.

But he just won't ever start a conversation about our relationship, I'll need to instigate it and I don't know what the right thing to do is.

My best friend is stumped about what to do, I've waited for months for him to finally ask if everything is ok and is this something we need to talk about but he won't.

What should I do? How should I do it?

Make a video for him and put it inside his secret porn folder. Some people just can't handle an uncomfortable conversation. They respond better with actions. If he doesn't like that, then you need to try therapy. Most importantly sex therapy. Otherwise, you will just grow to resent him, and he'll use that to leave you.

Men are built to see attraction first. A lot of men see these porn stars who are attractive or unnatural, and it can warp their mind into thinking that everyone should look like that. Otherwise, they can't get off anymore. Or he may be holding it too tight and needs a lighter grip? Either way, you need an ice breaker. It can be a shameful thing to admit that you're addicted to something, and now you're scared that your fix will be taken away from you.

Update - thank you all for your advice, insight and input. I raised my worries and thoughts with him and he was surprised how poorly he was hiding it all. He admitted to falling into bad habits and it had been bothering him too, it was a good conversation. And probably not the last as we need to work to build up the trust again but he took ownership and knows he needs to show the changes. Time will tell but I'm glad I confronted the issue.