Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice on a difficult situation that recently happened between my girlfriend and one of my close friends.
We had organized a barbecue with friends and family. My gf was very excited for my friend to come — she had invited her, picked her up from the tram station, and tried hard over the past weeks to build a connection by sending her updates and staying in touch. They never really seen each other so this was a first time meet between a very close friend and my gf of a couple of months.
At the barbecue, however, my friend was glued to a conversation with another guest and did not interact at all with my gf. She sat turned away from her and didn’t make any effort to include her in conversations. They talked with no end in sight with each other. My gf ended up feeling very left out and hurt.
Afterward, I tried to explain this to my friend. She said she didn’t notice anything wrong and that she’s not the type of person who "takes others by the hand" socially — she expects people to involve themselves. She also commented that my gf came across as "childish" because she became visibly sad and quiet when feeling left out.
In my opinion, my gf had really tried to make my friend feel comfortable, and in that situation, it would have been very hard for her to insert herself in my friend's conversation and ask for attention when my friend was physically turned away and nonstop talking to that other guest.
I also believe that even if my friend didn't intend to be hurtful, a little more kindness or effort would have made a big difference.
I’m not angry at anyone, but I feel stuck between two people who are both important to me.
My girlfriend feels very disappointed that my friend doesn't seem to acknowledge how she felt and even calls her childish.
My friend, on the other hand, feels like she is being unfairly blamed even though she believes she didn’t do anything wrong. (my friend never said that she is at fault only that she felt excluded)
At the moment, I’m keeping a bit more distance from my friend out of respect for my gf's feelings, but I don't want to create bigger conflicts either.
How would you handle this?